2007-06-14 11:47:59 · 21 answers · asked by disastergirl4 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
Just spend time with her and be quiet with her. Hug her and tell her you love her. Let her talk to you on her own when she is ready. Offer to help her in any way.
2007-06-14 11:51:18 · answer #1 · answered by moondrop000 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't 'try' to make her feel better. She has just lost a baby. Nothing you say is going to make this easy to deal with. NEVER say, "Oh well, you can always have another one", or "At least you can get pregnant". The person that had the nerve to say that to me when I had my last miscarriage scored a black eye. Just let her know that you are there for her as a friend, and ask HER if there's anything you can do to help her through this. Be there when she just needs to cry uncontrollably, cause that's all she may want to do for the meantime.
2007-06-14 11:54:33 · answer #2 · answered by I Love My Job 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My condolences to your friend, what a terrible thing. Probably less is more when trying to comfort her. There is really nothing you can say to help her feel better, but a sincere "I'm so sorry this happened." is probably best. Let her talk about her grief if she wants to, but if she doesn't, don't push her - people process grief differently. Be with her if she wants, give her space if she needs it, in short be the good supportive friend you are. The things NOT to say include, "It was God's will," "You are young, you can have more children" "At least he/she is in heaven" NONE of these things are comforting to a mom who wants her child with her on earth. If she is not taking care of herself, bring her food that is easy to prepare and eat, don't ask what she wants, just go ahead and do it - she may not want to or be able to make simple decisions like what to eat.
Good luck, my heart goes out to your friend.
2007-06-14 11:59:39 · answer #3 · answered by Carol G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say, "I am very sorry," and listen. Your friend might cry when you ask about her baby. And you may decide to spare her that pain. Don't! She needs to be able to talk and to cry. Talking and releasing emotions help to heal. It's okay to ask about the baby many times. The assurance that you have not forgotten about her little one tells her you care.
Don't pretend the baby never existed.
Don't explain all the reason this loss is for the best.
Don't tell her she is young and can try again.
Don't compare the loss of a pet to the loss of her child.
Don't be afraid to mention the baby.
Don't tell her to quit obsessing about the baby.
Don't think that another pregnancy will replace this baby
Say, "What can I do to help you? Could I bring supper? Baby-sit?" While your friend might want to be left alone to absorb the loss, she may also have basic needs you can meet. Offer to help with specific items -- like meals, childcare, or shopping. She might not be able to come up with a concrete need by herself, but may be able to choose what she does need from a list. And don't forget a simple card or flowers. They can speak to the heart and remind her that you care even though you're not there in person.
Don't insist she accept your help. Some women want to be alone.
Don't worry if she seems isolated. Being alone and being quiet is okay if that is her choice.
Don't be afraid to meet a need you see.
When my sister in law (who I totally hate her fault) miscarried around 1 month she was sad, and I bought her a prayer box and I got one for myself to show her that the baby wasn't and will not be forgotten. I bought one on ebay for me about 7 dollars and I bought her a sterling silver 30 dollar one
http://www.myforeverchild.com/store/Default.asp that's where I bought hers.
2007-06-14 12:05:39 · answer #4 · answered by fourcheeks4 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't say "It will be alright". Because in her mind it won't be!!
Just be there for her, listen to her talk even if she says the same thing over and over. Let her know you care with a hug, a touch, or whatever she needs. I really don't think there is anything you can say to make a difference just being there is all you can probably do! Best wishes!!!!!!!!
2007-06-14 11:53:23 · answer #5 · answered by Oh me oh my...♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her that you are sorry, and tell her that you will be there and just to let you know what she needs. Her emotions are going to go from sad to confused to angry. Let her know that you'll be there for her and mean it. Don't really try to make her feel better, nothing you can say will make her feel better and it can lead to awkward things coming out of your mouth. Tell her that you are sorry, that you have no way of understanding how she is feeling but that you'll be there for her 100%.
2007-06-14 11:52:52 · answer #6 · answered by nimo22 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You can't really say anything to make her feel better. Honestly this is one of those things that words can not fix. All you can do is support her and be there for her. As for what you shouldn't say just use your heart to tell you that and be sensitive.
2007-06-14 12:26:39 · answer #7 · answered by vickilouise85 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should say I'm sorry about lost your baby and you will probably have another baby some day maybe god was calling your baby home because it was to crazy out here for a baby in this bad,crazy world and don't be mad get glad.
2007-06-14 12:05:11 · answer #8 · answered by lilwayne_babby 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just let her know that you are there for her. Don't try to make her talk or make her do things. She'll come around when she's ready.
No one can understand the amount of pain she is in unless they have gone through it themselves.
Just be there. She'll need your friendship more than ever during this horrible time.
2007-06-14 11:56:23 · answer #9 · answered by Samantha 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think Nimo said exactly what I would have advised you. Until yove been there you really dont "know" Just letting her know that you are there to listen will be the best thing you can do. Also dont keep bringing it up let her talk about it when she is ready.
2007-06-14 12:51:24 · answer #10 · answered by thumpergirl_1979 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋