I can't make up my mind!?

Question

So I got married at an early age 19 almost 20 and my wife was 25. We've been married for 4 years now, but it has been really hard. She is a great woman and is completely loyal, loving and hard working, but she is constantly treating me as though she is the "boss" and has to keep tabs on me. She is very clingy and doesn't have very many friends. Because of this I feel suffocated and am not allowed to hang out with the guys or have some "me" time. I love her but I constantly think about being single and enjoying my early years. I just like space and freedom. It's very hard to cut the ties. I moved out 2 times already, she knows the 3rd time is it, but she still pushes the buttons and limits. If I could just settle down things might work, but I can't control my wants and desires for fun, guy time,freedom. I always loved getting to know new people as friends. I always got along really well with woman, but being married cuts that all out. I just want to make the right choice.

Answer 1

talk to her stop bossing you around or else, else mean you will leave her forever

Answer 2

I think you have two problems:
First, you married at a very young age and you are always going to suffer for that because you will keep thinking that you never really enjoyed your 20s as a single man. I know many people in their 40's or 50's who still regret having lost those years.
Your second problem is that the lady you married is really not your type. She might be nice and loyal and all but she is not your type. You sound like a fun loving, outgoing social guy and she is more of a loner. Nothing wrong with it but it does not sound like a good match.
The problems you have described are fundumental in a marriage and even though I usually advise people stay together and work it out, in this case I must say that you need to let go. Just feel lucky that there are no children involved or you would be stuck for life. Go out and enjoy yourself until you are well into your 30s or whenever you feel you are ready for a long term relationship.
As for your wife, she also needs to find someone her type. There are lots of men out there for her as well.
So, if you are together just out of convention, it's time to let go.
Good luck.

Answer 3

Welcome to the adult world.

Perhaps your wife is "clingy" and is cautious about giving you "space" because you have "moved out 2 times already" and feels that you are ready to bolt again.

You two need to talk to each other and if you are going to continue to leave and come back then she will continue to be clingy. If you commit to the marriage that you chose and work at creating a life together then the insecurities she has may lessen and you both will feel more comfortable pursuing outside interests.

As far as the fact that you mention that you always got along well with other women and being married "cuts that all out"....well....duh....that is what being married means!! You are no longer single and so being with other women is called cheating.

Honor the relationship that you have chosen, step up to the plate and be a loving, thoughtful and caring husband and stop thinking that you can continue to be the single guy you were before you made the decision to marry.

Answer 4

Getting married young has its consequences and that means yes you do miss out on things many of you friends enjoy the freedom and lack of responsibility going out without a care in the world and having fun. But if you still love this woman talk about this situation you can as a couple do all these things if there are no kids, tell her how you feel, you both need to get out and enjoy yourselves. That can be just as good as a night out with the lads, I had that when I was your age with the man I was with and we had a great social life we were never in out most nights having a good time together.

Answer 5

At so young an age, that 5 or 6 yr. difference can still be huge. Regardless, you and she must have a serious discussion about what your "partnership" is about and your future goals. Doesn't sound like you had that talk prior to marriage and she's very insecure. If a counselor can help, do it. It never hurts. If you are going to stay in this marriage you both must be able to work together but have evenings with the guys or with the girls. Doesn't mean hanging out at the bars....only adds to that insecurity issue but having some time outside of each other occasionally.

Answer 6

It sound like to me that you need to grow up. You say you love her but are you in love with her?........BIG difference.
I got married at an early age too, 21, then got pregnant a month later. However, I don't regret a single moment! Lessons are all about the choices we make. Would you rather your wife constantly be around you or another man? Let her hang out with you and the guys, eventually she'll be like.... you go without me. Be grateful what you have other marriages have bigger problems.
P.S. Don't look at it as being her fault, see what you can do to help the situation change. To futher help you out invite her to my email www.wisdomwomen.net and I'll chat with her and be her friend. God Bless you and your marriage!

Answer 7

As an experienced wife, my hubby gets guy time. A lot of the problem is the stereo type. Guy time = other woman, I mean strip clubs and stuff, not cheating. She is probably worried about this. Set up poker night with friends or something like that. My hubby has fishing buddies, hunting buddies, its guy stuff. You can fight about it or set it up and simply tell her that you are going. Give her a hug and a kiss and walk out the door. Turn you cell phone off, and enjoy your night. My hubby set his own time to be home by 2am. It is one night a week, and I get a lot out of it too, because he is happy with me. Sometimes men need to put thier foot down and do what they want to do, within marital vows of course. I think she also needs to be reminded that you have a mom and she is not it. Stand your ground, then you'll get more of the answers that you're looking for. Do yourself a favor and never let another woman allowed in your guy time and she will learn to trust you.

Answer 8

You married too young. You regret not sowing your wild oats, thus feel as tho you've missed out on something.
Either you make a decision to remain faithfully married. Or you call it quits. But perhaps b4 you make any decisions, see what a counselor would recommend. It's worth every effort to save a marriage, before throwing it away foolishly.
In addition, are you hanging with married or single guys?
I hope not single guys, since you no longer have anything in common with singles. If so, then I'd suggest that perhaps you need to revamp your friends list.

Answer 9

Hopefully you don't have kids. If you are interested in guy time and your wife won't let you have it........ you have two choices. You either give up your wants, or you leave again.

Things won't change till you change them. I'd tell your wife that you are going out one night with the boys. You need some "guy" time and when you come home you will be happy to see her as opposed to viewing her like a prison guard.

If she won't bend on this matter.... the next step is up to you.........

Good luck

Answer 10

Doesn't sound like you have the same goals, she wants to spend time with you and do things as a married couple and you want to party with the guys and do what you want with no ties. Well I would suggest leaving her and pursue the life that will make you happier, you only live once!! ENJOY!!!!!!

Answer 11

Sounds to me as if she has made you her entire world which is NOT good in any relationship. She NEEDS to cultivate her own friendships and yes you DO need time with "the guys" just as she needs time with "the girls". I suggest counseling for the both of you, she needs to be guided out of this dependency mode. Actually it sounds as if she was too immature to be in a relationship at all really. She is dependent upon you like someone dependent on drugs and that is not a good thing for you, her or your marriage.