Neither of us get along with my husbands family. Every day there is a fight, and hubby has said he doesnt want to see them except for big functions and holidays. And even then, he says we will spend very little time there.
His uncles are all coming into town next week, and guess what? His thoughts changed. Now he wants to go over there and stay most of the night. We have an 8 month old baby that would be going, and my inlaws cant be trusted to care for her, so its all on us. Her bedtime is 7:30, and he wants to stay till 1am?
Now he's turning it around on me, saying that I just never want to do anything, and that I just wont deal with anything that isnt about me?!? (I do nothing for myself, ever!)
How do I get him to realize that he's falling back into his family's tricks?
If I cant do that, how can I deal with him?
By the way, I have to go and I have to bring the baby. If not I get my drunken father in law calling me and telling me what a horrible mom I am.
2007-06-14 10:02:49 · 9 answers · asked by ? 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh and when he stays there on his own, I have to drive the hour back to get him (one vehicle), and after spending the night with his family, lets just say it takes a few fights for him to remember he isnt his father, and Im not his mother.
2007-06-14 10:23:00 · update #1
Im not trying to make him choose. I just wish that when he said something, he stuck to it. It sucks counting on him being there for us, and then he turns around and changes his mind, choosing fun and beer over his wife and daughter.
2007-06-14 10:24:56 · update #2
moonmother2000 you are right of course. I just dont want us to have a relationship like his parents have: Mom and dad both work full time but Mom is responsible for the kids.
He already makes me feel guilty just because I want to go to the store without our daughter, but he can go anywhere any time?
2007-06-14 10:27:17 · update #3
Honey child, you must STOP making yourself a victim and take the power here! You have it.
No, you do NOT have to take the baby and yourself! So what if your drunken father-in-law tells you anything - who listens to drunks??? Don't answer the phone or the door!
You would not be a good mother if you don't take care of yourself and your baby first! If your husband wants go or to stay with his family until 1 am - fine - You stay home and put the baby to bed at her regular time. Tell your husband to enjoy himself - and mean it!
He can change his little pea-pickin mind 6 dozen times and it won't make a dittle squat to you, because you are not involved in this nonsense!
You might even encourage him to maintain a relationship with his family. You stay out of it.
Quit fighting about it - it does not accomplish anything and he will come to resent you for interferring - even if he doesn't like them.
Again, STAY out of it! Diffuse the fighting! It takes two to fight and if you stop - there is no fight!!
This really is not the dilimena you are making it! Let him do his thing - you take care of yourself and your baby.
2007-06-14 10:17:39 · answer #1 · answered by moonmother2000 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Boy, he really pulled a switcheroo on you! That seriously sucks. And this is also not fair to you. It sounds like he may have married you under fraudulent circumstances. Sit him down and ask him what this sudden change is all about. Don't accept lame excuses or vague explanations. You might find that he just has cold feet thinking about the responsibility of having children in this day and age. Or perhaps he really doesn't want to have kids. If the two of you can find some common ground about having kids, then that's great. If you can't, then you will be faced with a choice to make..... stay with him and never have kids, or leave him and look for a new husband who wants kids. Not a good situation, for sure. I wish you well, hon.
2016-05-20 04:34:03 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps there can be a mend in the process?? If not just agree to go, have as good a time as possible, be polite, be kind, be thoughtful and if you are able to stay for the entire time great if not make sure you two take two cars so that you have the option of leaving when it is time to do so.
When you broach the subject with your husband perhaps saying something along the lines of you wanting to have a great time and that if he is still enjoying his visit but your baby is ready to be home in bed then you can go and he can continue to enjoy his family.
Just because, in your opinion, his parents can not be trusted to care for your child does not mean that they should be expected to when you are visiting them. Your child is now and always will be your responsibility regardless of where you are or whom you are visiting so the responsibility of her care being all on you should not be a shock.
2007-06-14 10:10:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The 8th month year old baby has probably gotten him shaken up and changed his life very drastically. Try giving yourself a night off for yourself...without hubby and just friends, and allowing him to do the same thing another night...It may just be that he needs a little space sometimes...making it a regular thing lets him breathe and come back missing you and baby....also maybe once every other week you guys should have alone time...
As far as this time, I would hire a baby sitter...
2007-06-14 10:35:25 · answer #4 · answered by Duuuude no waaaay! 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would take 2 cars or tell him to arrange for a ride home. You have a responsibility to your baby too. Make a compromise. My hubby has some family issues, but he has said that it is much easier for me to be mad at him rather than 15 people. He knows I will always forgive him, and we never speak of it again. You cannot make him give up his family. If you try, you'll lose your man.
2007-06-14 10:10:32 · answer #5 · answered by Ivy_Woman 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey stop it
it is his family he is hard for him to get rid of them (be patient) man can be such an hypocrite
but as for you to go, you don't have too
and if your father in law call don't pick you know you are not a bad mother so what if a drunk say that you are
what example does he has to compare you too
Tell your husband that he can go to his family but you want a quiet evening so he can go an enjoy himself
*can you quickly put a casserol together to send with him *
that was you show that you are participating
be an hyprocryt to you can keep peace in your family
2007-06-14 10:14:01 · answer #6 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Take two cars! or leave him there for the night and pick him up in the a.m....I'm sorry but baby's need to be on a routine...THATS good parenting.
Keeping her on her schedule is the most important thing...and if they don't like it tough...thats just the way it is.
Don't ever put up with a drunks nasty comments, they never remember what they say or what you say, so tell them off.
2007-06-14 10:08:42 · answer #7 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So what if your drunk FIL calls! Think of your child's well-bing first. Who cares if your husband gets mad. He will get over it.
He is the one not keeping his word to you.
2007-06-14 10:07:32 · answer #8 · answered by bellesnail 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if his family is that bad dont go...tell him keep this up and u will live alone and still confused...
2007-06-14 10:13:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋