I'm lonely and don't know what to do.?

Question

First, Please don't reply with "just get out there and meet someone". That's simplistic and won't help me.

I was dumped by my long term G/F last winter. It was devastating and has really tested my faith in almost everything. I've worked very hard to restore myself on my own. I've got faith in myself and I do look forward to a lot of good things that are and will happen in my life.

However, I get very lonely, especially when I have free time. I'm still not ready for a realtionship becasue I still can't imagine anybody but my ex g/f. Also I'm not exactly a looker and because I've had to start all over, I don't have a lot of free cash to spend on a woman.

I'm trying really hard to not blame all of this on my ex and I'm hanging on tight to my dignity and feel like I'm just fine all on my own for now.

What do a I do when it's just me and I'm lonely?

Answer 1

Dude, first and foremost, what you are feeling is totally normal. Most, not all, people have gone through this at least once in their lives. I've always heard that if you can't enjoy your own company than you're not good company for anyone else. Try doing things you wouldn't normally do. If you don't like sports, try playing some basketball as a way of doing somethings different. It just might be the thing that gets you out of a rut. Join some type of other activity. I guess what I am saying is, whenever you are beginning to feel lonely, get out and do something before the sorrow sets in. Shop, meet with friends, catch a movie or just go for a walk with your MP3 player playing super loud. Lastly, it is just going to take time for your heart to heal but adding a few other activities will definitely help it heal a little quicker. Good Luck!!!

Answer 2

Find something to keep you busy that will help someone else like volunteering at the library or theater. If you volunteer at a theater such as being an usher, you get to see the plays (getting your mind off yourself) and you might even find yourself laughing. Spend time at the library - lots of magazine and newspapers to browse - and you may meet some nice people. Libraries have free seminars many times - especially in the summer

Find a project like helping children or animals - a very good way to build contentment and self-esteem. Animals are so loving and appreciative of attention and are unconditionally loving. (such as at an animal shelter)

Go to a store like Michaels and buy some paint or a craft and just learn to do it - it's fun - if you mess it up - so what. There are free writing classes in many cities. Grow some flowers, even if it's only one flower pot. Put some bright colors around you - it really changes your blood chemistry and aroma therapy really works - cinnamon is uplifting - it will make you feel good.

Find "networking" groups for the city you live in - join some networking organizations - many are free - (Google "networking" for the city you live in)

Just try to meet new people (not necessarily to date) with things you are interested in - join a Yahoo group - they are great and some meet in person. A dinner club that meets and the group goes out to eat - usually there are no couples - and some very nice people - who may also be lonely.

Here's a simply, but very important exercise that can change a negative thinking process in to being positive.
Every morning write down 5 things you are thankful for - be very specific - like a particular fav shirt, eyesight, a computer, an email from a friend, etc. Just try it!

Good luck

Answer 3

You are on the right track, because until you know what to do with yourself when its just you and lonely, you are of no use to another woman. You'd just end up miserable and make her miserable.
First off, you need to realize, if you've got to spend any $$ on a woman then maybe she's not the woman for you. Looks have nothing to do with anything, if you feel that way then you'll end up with a woman who is just as shallow as you are thinking.
Take responsibility for whatever is necessary to not make the same mistakes and then blame everything else on the X...thats what they're for!!!!!
Otherwise find a hobby, something to keep you busy...if you can't think of anything, then just go out and jog...worked for Forest

Answer 4

Go to the website meetup.com. It's free. Or find an organization in your city dedicated to single, young people who do activities together like going to museums or movies. I am assuming that you can afford to do a few of these things yourself. Then, you can make friends, not just with girls, btu with people yoru own age. It will give you something to do. There might be free publications in yoru city that tell about these groups, or do a web search, or look on craigslist if you don't like meetup.com. Basically, put yourself in a situation where it's a structured activity, there is no pressure to date (although you could if you wanted eventually) and just get used to being friends with people again.

Answer 5

When I'm between relationships, I go to the gym a lot. Not only is it good excercise and good for me, it also takes my mind off of everything else for a while. The concentration required to lift weights does that. After that I will go out to shoot some pool; again it's the concentration. Invariably I meet someone either at the gym or the pool hall.

Answer 6

I say don't dwell on a new relationship in due time you will move past this and who knows the woman of your dreams may be out there waiting for you to sweep her off your fight. For the time being I say join a support group or get into some social activities something that can take your mind away from your current situation.
Good Luck

Answer 7

I think building a relationship with Christ would really help you to see how valuable you are:)You don't need your ex to define you as a person. You are an individual with gifts, talents, and a mission in life that is all of your own. No one else can walk it for you!

Christ and His love will help you to understand just how amazing and special you are. Our hearts are lonely and restless until they rest in the heart of Christ - who loves you passionatly. He knows your sorrows, He knows everything you have done, the good and the bad. And He loves you. He will never stop - and that is the type of love that will give you dignity, peace and happiness.

After you have that, finding another girlfriend will simply be a beautiful icing on the cake:)

Answer 8

Get happy! You just have to fake it until it comes natural. Eventually you will get the adrenaline flowing back; the smiles will no longer be forced. Then, and not before then, people will come to you. Go somewhere, anywhere; walk the dog, go fishing, take a kid to the movies or zoo, Or go to the bar (be safe). For now, stop thinking of meeting someone; quit thinking I'm so bored, & then ya feel like worse -- go buy some porn :)

Answer 9

do the things that you wanted to do but couldn't because she wasn't in the mood. learn salsa dancing (in a group classroom setting), join a gym, join toastmasters, become credit card debt free, take non-credited adult classes from a community college, write a book, start a company, learn & enrich yourself and become a better person than you are now.

no one is stopping you except yourself. get out of your comfort zone because the world is your playing field.

ask yourself this, do you want to be sad or do you want to be happy. the choice is yours.

Answer 10

I use to feel the same way, only thing is now i'm choosing to be alone. at first it was hard, i'd pace around my house with nothing to do and think what the .... am i suppose to do? so now i watch movies, listen to music, clean my house, go for walks. start thinking that you're choosing that for yourself. you certainly won't lose your dignity in that positive thinking. you will actually start feeling better.