My husband and I married in '98 divorced in '99 & reconciled 6 months later.We got RE-married last year & I wish I'd never done it.I just found out that he's been talking to another woman on the phn anywhere from 5-10 times/day.He's also text messaging her, but absolutely swears they're just friends.I tell him this is not normal & not acceptable for a married man,but he refuses to end all contact w/her.We have 2 little boys and I am miserable in my marriage.He also likes to drink.He used to go out AT LEAST once a week & come home drunk anywhere from 2to8 am (did that a couple times).I told him about a month ago that I was leaving, but haven't been able to find an apt yet so am still there.Since then he hasn't gone out much & hasn't come home drunk,but is still talking to this woman.She supposedly has a boyfriend of 8 years, but they don't live together&aren't married.He's cheated b/f(that's y we divorced)and I can't trust him.Should i leave?Don't want to hurt our kids, but can't stay.
2007-06-14 09:29:58 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It would have been better if you never got back together...Him talk to this woman that many times a day, something is up between them...I personally would get out of there...
2007-06-14 19:27:09 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is sad for you and your children. As you have already found out, re-marriage seldom works out. People forget why they left in the first place and unless therapy has been in play, people do NOT change.
It sounds like your husband has some serious issues, like drinking. You (or any one else) cannot have an intimate (I don't mean sexual) relationship with a person with a drinking problem. People self medicate to stay AWAY from deep personal emotional connections. This is not a judgment on them, but, this is such an important fact, it needs to be taught to everyone - to avoid untold hurt and emotional pain - for themselves and so many innocent children that become involved.
If this woman is 'just a friend', get her phone number and invite her to dinner. If it's innocent, then I'm sure he won't mind sharing the messages with you. Tell him you'd like to meet her - and her boy friend.
I do not think your husband will agree to this.
You will be hurting your children more by staying - teaching them such destructive behavior as your husband demonstrates. It will become progressively more damaging as they mature. You have a lot of courage to make the decision to leave. My best to you - I hope you have a support system.
See a lawyer - see if the attorney can refer you to some helpful support groups.
2007-06-14 09:46:12 · answer #2 · answered by moonmother2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do think you answered your own question there, "I wish I never did".
In my opinion men and women can be just friends, but there is a real thin line.
I had a similiar situation recently, my fiance was texting, talking to and meeting another woman claiming they were "just friends" for months. While I am sure in the begining they were just friends as it progressed they would up in bed together. Not a very good situation.
Your situation sounds very similiar with this and him not wanting to cut off contact.
You should get away now. It will be better for both you and your little boys in the long run.
Good luck!
2007-06-14 09:49:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right - you shouldn't have reconciled. Once a cheater, always a cheater. And why are you worrying about him contacting another woman if you're planning on leaving him anyhow? That's just putting yourself through even more stress. You aren't happy and don't want to be with him, so focus your efforts on getting OUT and providing a positive environment for your children. File for divorce and get the child support ball rolling.
2007-06-14 09:56:09 · answer #4 · answered by tooblessed2doubt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously that much contact with another woman isn't acceptable and the fact that he isn't interested in really reconciling with you puts you back in divorce court. He is a mess and I'm sorry for your boys but this is going nowhere and the faster you can get yourself out the better.
2007-06-14 09:42:11 · answer #5 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Married women don't like to accept it but a man can be friends with a woman and not have any type of sexual contact with her. They can be friends and they can like to talk and they can enjoy each others company. I have a dozen female friends that I've never done anything with and there are a lot of men out there just like me.
Your main issue is trust. You don't trust him so you have a cruddy relationship. Either leave and free both of you up or work out your trust issues.
2007-06-14 10:10:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am currently separated from my husband and he did the same thing for most of our marriage. We separated last august twice and now for good. It is NOT right for a married man to have conversations with another woman no matter what her status....only his status matters and he is MARRIED. You are worth something and worth being treated correctly and he is nto doing that but I PROMISE someone will treat you right and you deserve that. As far as children go yes that makes it more complicated but how do you want them to remember you.....as the woman who let a man treat her badly or as a woman who stood up for herself and thought highly enough of herself to leave what was not good for her and become strong on her own? I chose to work on myself and becoming the best "me" I could be and I couldn't do that with my husband at the time because he didn't encourage me to be the best "me." Not sure this helps but I want someone to be my best friend and my encourager adn if I have to wait 40+ years from now to find it then I rest in knowing it will be well worth the wait!
2007-06-14 10:13:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he was so use to his freedom when you two weren't together and still wants that. He shouldn't be talking to some other woman that much even if she was a friend. I understand that you don't want to hurt the kids but it will hurt them more to see that there mom is not happy. I saw my mom not happy for many years when my dad was talking to another woman over the internet. It would be better for you and your kids to not be in a situation like that.
2007-06-14 09:48:24 · answer #8 · answered by Heather C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kick that guy to the curb. You are doing more damage to your children keeping them in an environment where their dad is being a jerk. Drunk? Cheating? Texting other women?! Come on girl you can do better. Take your kids and get out. You deserve someone better. Don't put up with his crap any longer.
2007-06-14 09:37:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
as a results of fact the guy on the different end develop into being a clueless git approximately what i develop into attempting to declare... i've got had to communicate to the english as 2nd language tech help human beings this form in the previous - rather whilst calling approximately my cellular telephone. If it is not on their script, they are no longer getting it.
2016-10-09 05:23:40 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So what if they're "just friends"? He's emotionally intimate with another woman. Not only that, he's an alcoholic.
You've already hurt your kids by divorcing, remarrying, arguing, and then allowing them to see their father coming home drunk all the time.
2007-06-14 09:35:16 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋