O P I N I O N S needed ! what do you think of this ....?

Question

Hey thanks for checking this out. So if this was an intro to a book, would you continue to read it? ttttthanks :)

I didn't see you the rest of that summer. Despite your teasing signature, "Stephen Hetrese - Stuck with you all summer !", here we seperately lay, our relationship neglected. I had my music and dreams to get lost in, and you never retrieved me. You had your stubbornness and friends to get distracted by, and I never won back your attention.
As easy as fault is to distribute, we both felt most at east pretending as if everything were conviently the same. Of course, the truth was apparent and hard to ignor--and although we didn't techinally avoid each other, we surely did not greet each other with the past eagerness as we had possessed always before.
That is why, for the first time since I have ever known you, am dreading September 1st.




be brutallay honest :)

Answer 1

I like the concept.

I don't like the sentence construction in Paragraph 1.

Also, fix the typos.

Answer 2

It sounds like something that belongs on the back cover of a book. There are a few sentences that I dont like their structure and many typos... but I have a feeling you were getting it on here pretty quickly. It sounds like you are wrighting a trashy love novel (sorry if you actually werent) and I would not continue on because I would think it was a love novel and not what read. However it does seem like you have a good concept there. If you are working on a novel... work on the whole piece... the intro or what you would put on the back of the book is actually the last thing you should be writing. Good luck!!!!

Answer 3

i like the concept too, and after reading it once or twice, i understood what it was about.
its confusing a little bit, i think you jumped into it too quickly, and it sounds a little too poetic for a book.
for more inspiration, try re-writing it in a WHOLE other way, like in a different point of view, or write it phonetically if you had an accent.
it'll help you find and discover new things to add/take out from your book. good luck!!

Answer 4

Alrighty...It's pretty good - I like the gist of it but at the beginning I'm not clear on what you're saying. I mean, the part about the teasing signature. You have a couple word errors and mechanics that need fixing, but that's about it. All in all, pretty good!

Answer 5

I would not continue reading it mostly because I am having trouble following it, but that could be because I am reading, typing, and talking on the phone. It just seems like there is a lot of words.

Answer 6

Well, I don't really understand it, but maybe that's how you wanted it to be, and it is really good for catching attention, so I would keep reading. This sounds like a book I would enjoy! Are you writing a novel?

Answer 7

You need to name the main character in the book intro so we feel some connection.

Answer 8

I think you should look into "Slam Poetry" --- it doesn't require such a formal structure as say a novel would. I think you have good ideas, and express yourself well (minus a few typos) and that you would do really good writing slam poetry.

good luck!

Answer 9

wow... SOLD! i like it! i like where its going.