I wrote this poem watching a star the only one I saw last night.
The loneliest star
Last night I saw star
the loneliest star in the sky
sparkled like a diamond
twinkled in my dreamy eyes.
I watched her each and every second
the loneliest star in the sky
I took steps to her distance
and turned back making a sigh.
I blinked by her brightness
the loneliest star in the sky
I contemplated her beauty
that flashed so high.
I left her presence
the loneliest star in the sky
I kept her in this dream
so she can fall and make wish to fly.
2007-06-14 09:13:02 · 15 answers · asked by . 5 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
This poem was rather unusual and cliche but it began to recover itself as it moved on. I always find it interesting when a writer gains steam in her creativity rather than losing steam which many do...they lose steam. I would include myself in this category.
By the third stanza I became somewhat captured, but at the same time, I was still sort of ticked off. There was some subtle thing you did, consciously or not, where the words were so simple I couldn't figure out if this was good or just ordinary.
And then came stanza four...the words
"I kept her in this dream so she can fall and make wish to fly."
I wanted to cry. Something, I don't know what, about this expression touched me to the core.
I thought it was lovely how you connected these last lines to the preceding lines, "I left her presence the loneliest star in the sky." Just lovely.
As an entire poem, I think it needs work, particularly in the beginning, but wow, did I love that last half. Nice work. Thanks for sharing. I don't see stuff like this on Yahoo! Answers almost ever....like almost never. Good for you.
2007-06-15 13:10:16 · answer #1 · answered by margot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Beautiful, My Angel of San Juan can make me miss her just by a single star in the sky.
2007-06-14 09:42:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Excellent Poetry
Found it interesting giving stars gender perspectives.
I hope you keep writing and become a big time poet someday.
2007-06-14 09:22:39 · answer #3 · answered by Jon C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Captvatingly beautiful!!! Sensational, stupendous.
Keep writing!!!
2007-06-14 12:46:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
good take off. Soon you will be ready for a touch and go., (that is a pilot terminology for a fake landing.)
2007-06-14 09:43:07 · answer #5 · answered by paradiseemperatorbluepinguin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It makes me think of John Donne. Well done.
2007-06-14 09:33:59 · answer #6 · answered by Cinnibuns 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nice! Keep up the good work.
2007-06-14 09:20:19 · answer #7 · answered by jsardi56 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Are you italian? You seem to write brava or whatever a lot. lol
if so, i'm italian too!
(good poem btw lol)
2007-06-14 11:31:23 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
That is the most beautiful poem ever..... Never stop reading....
2007-06-14 12:16:09 · answer #9 · answered by waterfairy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love it =).
It had a kinda lighty dreamy feel to it.
2007-06-14 09:24:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋