My husband has relapsed after almost 10 years of sobriety. When I thought back to his relapse, I realized that it was shortly after I had gone out with friends to a football game and had drinks. (I don't drink at home). Is this my fault? Do I have to live completely alcohol free? He always told me that it does not bother him, but I think maybe he was lying. I never drank during the first few years of his sobriety, but I guess I thought after this long it was ok. Any advice?
2007-06-14 09:10:16 · 21 answers · asked by cookie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why didn't you invite him to the game? Look in the mirror.
2007-06-14 09:13:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
I think it's very sweet of you to ask this question -- your husband is lucky to have a wife who demonstrates so much sensitivity to his addiction.
The short answer is no, you did not cause his relapse. Every alcoholic is ultimately responsible for his own sobriety. To be perfectly honest, though, you may have contributed to it slightly. An alcoholic is never "recovered"; he is always a "recovering alchoholic" for a reason -- he is always more at risk for a relapse than a non-alchoholic is to go on a binge.
If it's not too much trouble, yes, it would probably be helpful to your husband if you ceased drinking entirely, forever. This is emotionally supportive of him in addition to not presenting him with the smells and behaviors he relates to his drug of choice.
2007-06-14 09:18:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Never blame yourself for the actions of others. It was his decision to relapse, and weather you drank alcohol or not at that game, it would not have mattered. He would have relapsed anyway. I will pray for you and your husband. I would try to get him into Alcoholics Anonymous and try to be an encouragement on a daily basis to him. Hopefully he will stop for good this time.
2007-06-14 09:15:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You didn't cause him to drink again.
He wasn't even with you when you did drink. Although I do suggest that you don't come home with alcohol on your breath if you can help it, at least brush your teeth and have a few mints.
Alcoholics relapse...period, and nobody's fault but their own. You don't drink at home, which definitely helps him. I'm sure he would have a much harder time if you did.
You need to ask him why he is drinking again, and suggest that he goes back to AA meetings for awhile. A true alcoholic can't have even one drink, so if he is one, he's relapsed, no fault of yours.
Just encourage him to go to AA again.
2007-06-14 09:49:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
My hubby relapsed too after only 1.5 years, it was on my 21st birthday, I wasn't going to drink but he wanted my birthday to be special so we went to a friends house , I got wasted he had one drink, but now 4 months later he is back to drink a 12 pack a night..I personally feel its my fault..
2007-06-14 09:13:47 · answer #5 · answered by ERICKSMAMA 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband use to be an alcoholic...I respect his sobriety so I don't drink at all..not even once because I respect him..I know it's tempting for them especially if they see others drink in front of him..so I just don't and I don't want him to smell it on my breath that would probably tempt him also..GOOD LUCK!
2007-06-14 09:20:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband always drank like a fish, it was so bad that he couldnt stay sober for 15 minutes after he woke up. Now he is allowed to have a maximum of 2 beers a night(light beer). If he starts to have more, i ask him about it. It is an effort everytime. I wont ask him to stop totally, but its like a treat to have a few, its working.
2007-06-14 09:19:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a wife of an alcoholic (obviously), but my mom was. It's not your fault. He's the one with the problem. If you chose to drink responsibly, and not in his presence, you can't blame yourself for that. He's the one with the disease and he will need to seek help for the rest of his life for it. Good luck and don't worry. You didn't make him relapse, he did.
2007-06-14 09:14:23 · answer #8 · answered by i_hope_you_die_idiot 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
my boyfriend has 3 years of sobriety and I drink in front of him all the time... so does the rest of his family.
We rarely go to parties where everyone is drinking, but occasionally we'll go to a barbeque where people are having a few drinks.
The bottom line is - It's his choice, it has nothing to do with you!
It's not your fault!!!
2007-06-14 09:32:06 · answer #9 · answered by Kaybee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if your husband cannot see you drink after being sober for 10 years then maybe he is not really over the alcohol i say let him get counseling
2007-06-14 09:20:06 · answer #10 · answered by kemmy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if you want him to stay sober you are going to have to stay sober yourself.I have been married to an alcoholic for 18 yrs.and if his friends are drinking he tells me that it is hard for him to not drink with them he looks to me for support and he has been sober for 12 yrs,so together I think he has a chance stand by him and he will succeed
2007-06-14 09:42:52 · answer #11 · answered by confused 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋