I can't imagine myself with anyone else, and I know he's the one for me. He asked me to marry him a few months ago. I've told him that I wanted to wait until marriage for sex. He used to respect that and he surprisingly told me that he would be okay with that. that sex didn't matter now. but recently he's been bringing it up more and more. He says he doesn't know how much longer he can wait. So my question is, do i surrender my beliefs and give up my one-time gift for him, as I intended to do anyway, or do i wait until marriage. I don't expect him to love me more if we do have sex. but he gave me the bs excuse that it would bring us closer.
2007-06-14 08:50:29 · 17 answers · asked by Ciavana 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dont do it for him. Do it for yourself
2007-06-14 08:54:22 · answer #1 · answered by To The Point 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well sex will bring you closer, but it could also drop the hold you have on him if is ultimate goal is just sex. Which if he proposed he most likely isn't after just sex. Do you have an engagement ring on? Is the date set? If yes, technically you already belong to him and he to you so if you had sex with him, you would still be his "wife". However, as most people no longer follow God's laws, no one sees it like that anymore. How about this, tell him that you want to get married now, at a justice of the peace or private ceremony someplace. Just to make it legal, but that you still want to plan for a wedding. You don't even have to tell anyone, just get married and keep it a secret if you want. But the important thing is God will know, and you will have saved yourself for marriage (which is wonderful by the way). If he refuses, then sorry for his luck. Let him wait. And if he doesn't wait, then he wasn't the man for you. Good luck.
2007-06-14 09:03:50 · answer #2 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to know exactly what marriage is all about. When you say you can't imagine yourself with anyone else and you know he's the one for you, then you definitely love him, because that's the way you should be feeling.
He's obviously feeling the same way, so could you imagine how difficult this is for him? I know. I think just like you about making love on your honeymoon for the first time. That is so special but it is also so difficult, especially to the man.
When I knew that the two of us were so meant to be with each other and we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, we made love. That was about 4 months later and I knew he wasn't in the relationship just to have sex. When it was because we love each other then it just came naturally from there. He couldn't wait one more minute.
If your certain your spending the rest of your life with him, it will bring you even closer. What could be better than that?
2007-06-14 09:11:08 · answer #3 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex CAN bring you two closer, as it becomes something only you share with each other, but it can be the beginning of a fall out, as it has happened to many before, whether from the trauma of the experience, or dissatisfaction, or just malicious intentions. I just can't find that link, but it has also been theorized that sex can induce more loving feelings afterwards (and during, but it depends on the mates) I don't think you should give in. Especially when it's in your beliefs. But hey, it's your decision to make. What the lot of us will ask you is to give yourself the time to reflect on this before saying anything or doing anything. A woman is a virgin only once in her life, keep that in mind too. Don't be reckless/careless. Think about the consequences, and ask yourself if you'll ever regret it, in case things don't work out after all (not that i wish for it) and think about it hard, because you haven't lost it yet, and maybe you can't think that far ahead. Don't let yourself get pressured. Think of the pros and cons, and how you think it will affect you afterwards. Regret never comes before; only after. Think about who you are, what you want, what you're willing to sacrifice to get what you want, what consequences you're willing to face as a result of taking this or that course of action. Don't be impulsive, if you can avoid it. Ball's in your court.
2007-06-14 09:04:11 · answer #4 · answered by Rogee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stick to your guns. If you really believe the dogma that you should wait until marriage for sex and it is important to you - then don't give in.
Boys will say anything to get into a ladies pants. I know! Cuz I'm a boy and I was young once. They might even say things like "Well - we're going to get married anyway so why not just do it?" Sound familiar?
Respect yourself. Stick to your guns. Boys come and go. Values don'ts.
2007-06-14 08:55:56 · answer #5 · answered by mantoothnation 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not bend your beliefs just because he's pressuring you and you're not sure if he'll wait. However, if you KNOW you're going to marry him, I wouldn't think any less of you if you gave it up a little early. Just make sure he's really serious about you though. I don't know how long you've been dating, but if it's been awhile, I think you can be pretty sure he loves you and respects you if he's waited all this time. Maybe you could compromise and tell him you'll have sex once you're engaged?? Good luck, whatever you do.
2007-06-14 08:55:16 · answer #6 · answered by crabbyone 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not surrender who you are. If you do, you will always regret it. Also, it makes a statement that if you care for someone then it's okay to have sex outside of marriage, today and also ten years from now. That breeds a lot of suspicion.
I might bring something up, however, which you had better be aware of. Women want a man who is attracted to their bodies. That makes sense. It's an ego thing to know that your man is that attracted to you and that he is that crazy for you (as frustrating as it may be). What is your reluctance telling him, however? It's saying that yes, you want to wait, but you'd better brush up on sexual passion and be ready to fully perform shortly after marriage. Men may want a lady in the living room, but they want a woman who is hot after their bodies once they get to the bedroom.
2007-06-14 08:55:10 · answer #7 · answered by John B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how old you are...but stick to your guns. Best case scenario here is that the guy is just horny and frustrated, but he respects you and loves you. If that is the case, he will ultimately understand and support your decision to wait. Worst case scenario, he just wants into your pants. I don't doubt the sincerity of your feelings. But if you are young (as I suspect you are) it is easy to believe the I love you lines that wolfish young men lie down.
It is an honorable thing to want to remain chaste until marriage, and increasing difficult to do. I waited until marriage and have enjoyed 20 years with a man who respected me enough to wait for me. Hang in there sweetheart, and know that you are not alone in your convictions!
2007-06-14 09:03:00 · answer #8 · answered by MaxitudesMamma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might bring you closer, but there are a lot of things to consider.
First, is the fact that once you do it, you cannot undo it, that would lead me to suggest to you to stick to your first choice, and wait until the wedding. Secondly, if you do do it and even if you are okay with it, you may begin to resent the fact that he "coerced" you into giving up some of your beliefs.
Since you have waited so long, I would wait - he said he was okay with it.
2007-06-14 08:55:40 · answer #9 · answered by Mark S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not sure of your age, but I would say wait. You yourself just said it...he gave you the bs excuse that it will bring you closer. I would question if that is where the proposal came from too...hoping that would get him closer to getting it. Be true to yourself.
2007-06-14 08:56:46 · answer #10 · answered by linda m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will bring you closer. You're not being dirty, or promiscuous, you're sharing this once and a life time intimacy with the person who will be your husband.
Go for it. People teach sex before marrage in order to keep girls from having multiple partners, you've already found yours.
And yes, it will bring you closer.
2007-06-14 08:55:12 · answer #11 · answered by Chris O 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋