Am I being selfish?

Question

I need alittle help. My husband wants to move closer to his family. I really dont want to. I am so close to my parents if we move we will be 5 hrs away from them. He doesnt just want to move because of his family but has been promised a job making alot better money than he does now. We have 2 children together so I have to wonder if it is the best decision. He has promised we will visit my parents at least twice a year. Some advice please!

Answer 1

I think you have to realize that he and your kids are your family now. You've been lucky to be near your family for all this time. If he wants to move and it will help your family financially, you should go. My husband would pick up and move if I got a better job offer. The kids will adjust and you will miss your family terribly. But it's the best decision to not keep your husband from this opportunity.

Answer 2

What a blessing to have been so close to your parents for so long. Your children must really love having Grandma and Grandpa in their lives.

Now they get the chance to have their other Grandma and Grandpa in their lives. Hopefully, if DH is making more money, it means things will be easier at home. Will you get to be home with them? Or just work part time? As many others have pointed out, a five hour drive isn't too bad to make more often than twice a year.

A move like this is stressful, no matter what the circumstances. Your kids would be in a new school, you'd have to make new friends, you'd have to adjust to dealing with his family and their ways rather than your family.

That's a lot to deal with. But if you don't make the move, your husband may hold it against you. You're being a little selfish, but with good reason. Your parents are an important part of your family's lives. They're part of your support system. That's a hard thing to give up. But marriage is a partnership and it's time to develop his side of the partnership.

Your in-laws must be pretty great people if your husband wants to move closer to them. Look at what a great son they raised! Your children will be doubly blessed to get to know their paternal grandparents, too.

Instead of allowing your fear of the unknown and the different to color your decision on the move, try to look at the positvies that will come with it. You have a great opportunity for your family, embrace it. (And ask your parents for their support, too!)

Answer 3

I know it's hard to move away from family. I just did I went from a 2 hour drive from my parents to a 3 hour plane ride! But my husband also had a great job opportunity and moving would put me in a place that had a better job market, so I could find the job I wanted not just what was available. It was tough, but it was what was best for my husband and I, and when we decide to have them our future children. Rather than looking at from the standpoint of what your losing (being close to your family) think about what you gain (being close to his family). Your kids will have an opportunity to become closer with them. And if your parents are computer savvy - or you can teach them to be - they'll be closer than you think. When you have a strong bond with your family, distance can't break that.

Answer 4

You have been close to your parents for this length of time, maybe it is his turn. Also sounds like he has a chance for a better job, that sure wouldn't be a hurt to your family. If he will be making better money, then you can afford the trips to go see your parents. Your main priority should be your husband and the children.

Lots of families live a lot farther from parents. But I suppose it is up to you, what you really want to do, but you should consider your husbands feelings too.

Answer 5

5 hours is not that big of a deal. You can even make long weekend trips down there if you plan it right. You have to do what's best for you husband and your kids. They are your first family priority. If moving the kids is a bad idea than discuss that with your husband. If the money is enough to make a better life for your family than you owe it to them to give it a try. Trust me, 5 hours is nothing. My family is split clear across the country and we still manage to stay close.

Answer 6

It's not selfish to want to stay by your family. That is a totally natural reaction. But take some time to talk about the pros and cons with your husband. Sit down and tell him how hard the seperation will be on you, and see how he feels. If the move will put you five hours away, that means that now he is five hours away from his family. Maybe that is something he feels strongly about. And if you have children, the financial advantages can't be ignored. If you communicate honestly, it may prevent you from feeling resentful and misunderstood if the answer is to move near the new job and his family.

Answer 7

Well your only 5 hours away. I guess living here in Alaska that doesn't sound to far to me. I drive 6 hours every few weekends to see my sister. I don't see why you moving is that great of an issue if you can drive. On long weekends drive up to see your parents and next time they can drive down to see you. If its the money remind your husband he will be making better money and there for you should benefit from it somehow, if nothing else get a part time job a couple days out of the week to cover your fuel cost.

If there is a will there is a way.

Answer 8

2 times a year??? No way, not if I only lived 5 hrs from them. the money factor isnt worth it to me, I'd rather be around my family bar none. I am a navy wife so i know how hard it is to be separated from them and if I had a choice i would be there in a heartbeat. It is very tough...I used to live 6 hrs from them and we would see them every other month which is still hard because we are so close. If it were my choice we would live way closer to them..Trust me, sometimes the money isnt worth it which is why my husband is getting out after the next enlistment. Good luck 2 u!

Answer 9

Yes, you are being selfish. You must do that which is in the best interests of the children. If moving will enable your husband to get a better paying job and improve the life of your kids, there should be no question about whether or not to move. The kids come first. That is what must always guide you. The kids come first.

Answer 10

The job thing is a biggie. Most families need more income right? It seems he should take the job. Shouldn't you live close to the job? It makes more sense. Where the parents live is secondary.

If you live closer to his work, he'll have more time to spend with you and the children, rather than burning gas @ $3 a gallon, spending time on the highway.