I've been married for 5 years and I find myself yearning for a baby.?

Question

My husband think that we are not finiacially ready. I had two abortionts beacause of him and somehow i feel like I'm getting older(almost 30) and I'm running out of time. I dont know if he's really not ready or not ready with me. Should I ignore him and stop the pill or should i wait and hope that it doesnt take 5 more years.

Answer 1

You cannot decptively get pregnant. I am sorry for your abortions because I beleive abortion is immoral especially when it is merely used as a form of birth control. The only way to create a family is if both sides agree to create one.

Answer 2

That is a really tough situation. I am going to be 27 soon and I am finding that I am also having what I think is a biological urge to have a child. I have a BF of which I have had for 2 an half years- we are like being married we live together and everything is joint... but he has two kids from a previous marraige and gives me a hard time about me wanting a child... He says he does and I feel like he really doesn't. Anyways I would not suggest getting preggo behind his back- I would have a serious talk about it an if push comes to shove leave him, which is what I intend on doing if he doesn't want a child with me in a timely manner. I have told him before I don't have all the time in the world unfortunatly... that is tough and I feel ya.

Answer 3

As far as having abortions "because of him", nope, he didn't force you to do it. You went to the clinic voluntarily. So no more blaming him for the abortions. Be very honest in everything you do. Don't get pregnant behind his back. That will just ruin everything. Go thru the finances, explain to him that no one is ever financially ready for kids, and never will be. But go thru the finances with him anyway, and make him feel comfortable about your financial future. Next time you get pregnant, put your foot down and tell him you are NOT aborting this one. Do not FORCE him into parenthood, unless you honestly accidentally get pregnant. You could also talk to other parents, as a couple, sit down and discuss things with them. They may have more influence on your husband. Don't go out and make a point of this, but say when you are at a friend's house, church, etc,. ask them the benefits of becoming parents, if you are ever financially ready, etc. and do it and include your husband on this.
I also don't think you should split up the marriage if you don't have kids. I don't, and I've been married going on 5 years and am not really wanting to get pregnant, either. I'm 34. There ARE other things in life besides kids. You could also look into adoption. There are many, many, unwanted kids needing someone to love them. You could look into foster parenting. You get paid for that. So finances wouldn't be a problem there. These are just different things you could bring up with your husband as well. Ask anyone who's adopted and fostered kids. They love those kids like their own. They consider those kids their own, and the only difference was they didn't go thru the pain of childbirth, retaining water, post partum depression, etc. They got to keep their figure and have kids at the same time.
I would like to add my husband has a son from his first marriage. I know there is someone on here wanting a child and not married, and I would like to discourage that person from getting pregnant until her shack up boyfriend is man enough to marry her first. He already has kids by another woman. It's a shame he can shack up with someone and not marry her. Being "like we are married" is a FAR cry from being married. I hope that woman reads this. He's getting the milk for free, so why buy the cow? Being like married doesn't mean a thing when it comes to legal things, like should something happen to him to make him incapacitated, or dead, his PARENTS will have all the legal say in EVERYTHING, not her. His KIDS, not her, will get whatever savings he has. Or will it be his PARENTS, since they are still minors. Anyway, SHE will not have a say in ANYTHING, because being "like married" is sooooo far from being "married" it's unreal. I hope she reads this. Sorry for my babbling.

Answer 4

I don't think there's ever such a thing as being "financially ready". My husband and I make close to $200,000 a year and own a house, and he still feels we are not "financially ready". I think it really comes down to whether you *want* to have the baby or not. If you both truly *want* it, you can make it happen regardless of the financial situation. Doesn't sound like your husband really wants a baby right now - I don't know; talk to him about it. At some point, you guys will just have to "just do it" - does he actually WANT to have a kid, or is he just stalling? Ask him to be honest.

Answer 5

what do you mean you feel like you're running out of time ?

I'm 27 (almost 30) as well...but i don't feel a need to have a child anytime soon..

I'd love to have children sometime soon but not within the next couple of years because there are still soo many things I want to do..

No one's ever ready for a baby..it happens when it happens..wether you and hubby are ready or not..
The child will come when its meant to be..and if its not then get a new hubby...

Plus women in their 30s are said to be in the prime of their life to have a baby,late 30s and 40s is when danger zone is supposed to be...

I wouldn't deceivingly get pregnant just to have a baby..and to trick your husband to get you pregnant..

thats just selfish..i know you're married and you feel like telling me, im married you're not..thats fine..but i look at it this way..a baby is supposed to be created right...with alot of love..between 2 people...not because one person is selfish (you)...and the other person is scared for financial reasons + (your hubby)...

Plus there's always the chance of you two being Foster Parents to children first..ask hubby maybe what he thinks about Foster Care ? I think it would be great for you two to get your feet wet that way, and see if this is really what you want..and if it is ? Guess then you two will start on that family. :)

Good Luck.

Answer 6

I agree with the first answerer....if you want until you feel that you are financially ready, you will never have children...that is something that you have to work around and adjust to when that time comes!! Good luck to you!!! I know what you are feeling, I do have 2 boys (7&5) but I also want to have another baby...my husband; however, sounds a lot like yours!

Answer 7

I understand. I am in the same boat, just different gender. That your husband worries about be stable is good. It means he wants to take good care of the baby. I would, though talk to him. Tell him your concerns. Do not yell or set ultimatums. Just go out to dinner and talk. Whenever a couple has a baby rarely does it come at the perfect time. There will always be something not perfect.

Also You are not running out of time

Answer 8

I would let him know I was stopping the pill, then if he choses he can wear a condom, but I dont know if he would ever be ready.
financilly ready...I dont think that is possible...I would not have allowed him to keep me from..or force me into a abortion, so give him the choice now, knowing you may be bringing a child into a single parent household...cause he may never want one, also 30 is not real old..but I would be yearning too..
many prayers for a good outcome

Answer 9

You husband is using the we cannot afford a child excuse! There is always ways to afford children.Go to marriage counseling and get everything out in the open, you could of had two beautiful children by now. Get the help you both deserve, do not stay in a realtionship where you will NOT be happy, and childless. Best Wishes!

Answer 10

I don't think it is right that you just stop the pill, that is like trapping him in away. You can tell him however that you are stopping the pill and let him know that if you become pregnant you will not be getting another abortion. From this point on I urge you not to allow him to influence you to do anything you truly don't want. If you continue to allow it one day if you don't already will regret it with all your heart and will even resent him for it. Trust me on that.

Answer 11

Why not sit down and talk to him? I am 31 and trying to get pregnant and my husband and I discussed it in detail before I stopped taking the pill...it's not something you want to trap him into. BTW women are having healthy pregnancies well into their late 30's so don't think time is running out...