Having an affair for a year and now Im pregnant.?

Question

I have been married for 3 years and my husband has been ignoring me for the past 2 years. I have tried talking to him but, things arent what they used to be.

Last year i have been seeing someone until now. I just found out yesterday that I was pregnant and it's my boyfriend's child. I never told him that I was married until yesterday. He never suspected anything because I have been coming over to his place for a year now. He is hurt and i don't know what to do. I love him dearly.

I don't want to get an abortion but, scared of getting a divorce because of the unknown. What should I do? What can I do?

I made my mistakes and now I have to face the consequences. My boyfriend is a great guy, he loves me and I love him. But, now we are having a baby together. I just want to know how I can make things right.

Answer 1

how can women like yourself do these kind of things to caring men? I don't get it? if you didnt love your husband, leave him! Now youre forced between a rock and a hard place!

Answer 2

You got yourself a bit of a challenge. Personally there aren't very many choices available to you and there's really no simple way to make things right.

From your description it sounds like you don't have much of a marriage though you don't really say why. I'd start with that since he must have been a really nice guy initially. Why did you marry him? If your answer is that he was a super guy and supportive and caring right from the start I'd ask what happened since then. What did you do, or he do, that changed things and what are the odds that it will change for the better if the two of you worked it out together? Those answers might save your marriage.

On the other hand if you don't have an answer as to why you married him it's also possible there was nothing there and maybe your best choice is to get out.

If you want to save it and want to avoid problems with the kid, you could try to have sex with your husband and that way he'll think it's his. But you'd have to do that now. The only problem with that is that if the kid doesn't look like you but rather like your boy friend, your husband is really going to wonder.

Aborting or keeping the child is another question. If you really want it then don't abort. On the other hand, if you're not ready to be a mother that becomes a viable option too.

Now as to your boy friend, you say you really love him. More than your husband? Maybe then he is the one for you after all. But be careful, it's one thing to be dating and having a good time together, it's quite something else to be living with someone as you've already discovered. Your boy friend might be the perfect guy for you or he could turn into a worse problem than your husband. You're going to have to honestly decide whether he would make a good partner.

A divorce can be a traumatic experience for some people and it's certainly not cheap though an uncontested divorce shouldn't cost much and should go reasonably smoothly. So I'd not be afraid of that. Clearly this too is an option for you.

There really is no way to make this right, unless you abort and tell no one. But I'm not sure this is the best way to go. Instead I'd look at this as an opportunity to sort out exactly what you want from life and who you want to share it with. Maybe explore the questions I've raised and see what kinds of answers you come up with.

You could stay married especially if your husband accepts the child and maybe you'll be happy. You could also get divorced and marry your boy friend if that will make you happy, though you didn't say if he wanted the child. Or, you could get a divorce and live alone while keeping the child. That would give you a chance to start a new life completely, perhaps with someone even more caring down the road. You could also abort. But whether you abort or not, you're going to have to face the question of who is right for you sooner or later anyway so it seems to me that now might be the time.

I realize these are all tough choices but I don't see any other options. On the positive side though, it will make you a lot stronger as you go through this and you'll be a lot wiser when it's over too. So a lot of good will come from it. And if you keep the child you'll also have a family which is a positive outcome too I would think.

I hope this helps a little. I'm sorry to not have a simple answer. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Nobody on here knows your full story, so I am not going to condemn you. I think that what you do with your body is your OWN personal business. If you want the relationship to work between you and your husband, I would have an abortion otherwise you're going to lose the relationship with him, the brother and all of the family on their side. If you bring this child into the world, he or she will have to eal with A LOT of turmoil more than likely. I'm sure that you are feeling more guilt than anyone will ever know, but you have got to do what's best for you. Some things need to be kept personal and I think that your situation is one of those things. Since the affair lasted as long as it did, you also need to think about whether or not you could comfortably be around the brother. If you stay with your husband, would you be able to live with yourself? If you go this route, distance yourself from the brother and chalk it up to a learning experience. As long as no one else but you and the brother know what has happened, your husband wont find out...right away anyways, but karma has a funny way of getting back to you. Don't think of everyone else in this matter...think of what's best for yourself, and then work on being more of an honest person in the future.

Answer 4

Did it ever occur to you how much pain and anguish you are about to pass out.
Why? Because you had to get laid by someone other than your husband.
You lied to husband and cheated.
You lied by omission in not telling the BF.
You don't want a divorce? You don't want an abortion?
Excuse me but, WHAT THE "F" DO YOU WANT.
It is far too late to make anything right.
Your husband should throw your butt out for being a cheat.
Your BF should throw you out for being a cheat and not the single woman you acted like.
Your child does not deserve to be brought up by a liar and a cheat.
Do you suppose your BF wants a woman who is capable of cheating and lying like you have. You said he was heartbroken regarding your marriage.

Its past time to come clean.

This is hard. My best advice is get an abortion, get a divorce,
live alone and stay away from guys until you figure out why you feel compelled to lie to and screw over all the men in your life.

Answer 5

First of all realize you made some VERY bad choices and now a whole lot of people are going to get hurt. You can either choose the easy way or the hard way to deal with things. You have no more dignity but you can hold on to the very last shred of it by being honest with everyone involved and getting a divorce.

You will no doubt hurt all those around you and yourself. Your child will prob hurt most of all since it was conceived in such a deceptive way. If you choose to continue lying until the very last minute more people will be hurt, disapointed, and you will have no self worth left.

Acknowedge what you did wrong and do the right thing. It works every time. Oh, and good luck...you'll need it.

Answer 6

You should of ended it with your husband before getting a boyfriend. However, since I think you do not have children with your husband I would just get a divorce and try and have a life with the other man.

Or

You can break things off with the boyfriend and act like nothing happened. I believe currently 30% of men are raising children that aren't biologically theirs unknowingly.

I just recommend to be a good mother and that in my book means you should only be with one man. So choose.

Answer 7

I dont think cheating is right but I also try and not judge people.I dont know your life no more than you know mine (unless you're someone I talk to online and using a different name LOL)...so,not my place to judge.

IMO yes,cheating is wrong,but whats done is done.I would not have an abortion.Id divorce the husband and make it work with the boyfriend if he loves you and ready to have a family.If not...hope your husband is willing to raise this mans child.

Good Luck!

Answer 8

I would keep the truth pattern going. It is better for your husband to find out from you. You need to think about what is best for your unborn baby. It may be hard at first on your own but it is better than staying in a bad realationship for everyone involved. If the guy you have been seeing forgives you then try to moeve on. There is no easy out of this.

Answer 9

first off if your husband was ignoring you and nothing you tired worked why did you stay married and cheat? I don't get this you can divorce somebody its not the end of the world. Instead you make yourself the bad guy and cheat on your husband and get pregnant. I really feel sorry for him even if he did ignore you. Now i'm thinking he prolly had a good reason too.

Answer 10

When you get married you say "I do" to a bunch of things like "until death do us part" not "until I find some one better". I'm sure things like calling you a ho will not help and I'm sure you know what you did was wrong. So now you need to tell your husband and get a divorce. Then if you ever get married again listen and think about what you say "I do" to. You made a big mistake and you will suffer from it, try not to make it again.

Answer 11

You could try being honest with your husband. Do you plan to allow him to raise a child that is not his? Funny how you mention you love the boyfriend and say very little about your husband.
My advice is dump the boyfriend, tell your husband the truth and decide what you'll do about the baby after that.