my girlfriends pregnent,and she's just gone completely off me,no effection at all,dont get me wrong i know she still loves me, but it is nice, once in a while to get it,all am i been shelfish?
2007-06-14 06:28:04 · 59 answers · asked by biddymarley 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
When we are pregnant our hormones are going crazy producing new life. For some women sexual drive increases, (I experienced this with my first one), and some totally lose the desire. If she is over 5 months pregnant she may feel unattractive, overweight, and tired. Just be patient with her, ask her if she would like a massage. Try talking to her about it when you are driving some where or another situation were she will not feel pressured to perform right away. Again be patient and love her for who she is.
2007-06-14 06:51:59 · answer #1 · answered by sexymoma 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
from the point of a pregnant woman, here are some reasons for not wanting sex:
1) the belly could be making her feel cumbersome and unsexy. It's just not productive to the good feeling.
2) things feel a bit different during sex (usually since about the middle of the second trimester especially) because things are shifting around and you may be rubbing up against something uncomfortable.
3) the change in hormones could be different from the ones that triggered her sexual desires because there is no longer the primal need to mate. Instead her body is focusing instinctively on providing for the baby growing inside of her.
4) she could be thinking that YOU don't think she's sexy, so she's maintaining her distance. No matter how many times you tell her she's beautiful, there's always the idea that you could just be saying it to make her feel better (I'm VERY guilty of this sometimes)
5) she could be physically tired. It takes a lot of effort to build a baby and she may not be willing to give up the last remaining stores to you sexually.
As for if it's selfish to still want sex while she's pregnant, the answer is yes and no. Yes because you're asking her to do something she doesn't want that could be making her very uncomfortable. No because you still have your needs, too.
Try asking her why she doesn't want to have sex or be intimate. Perhaps if she knows you're interested she'll make more attempts to accommodate you (I certainly do when I'm up to it). Also, try being intimate with her in ways that don't involve sex. Cuddling and nuzzling is always good.
Sometimes pregnant women just don't have that drive, though, so it's important that you be patient with her. Remember that just as much as you may suffer from the lack of sex, she's probably suffering just as much with pregnancy symptoms.
Good luck, and congrats, daddy!
2007-06-14 07:00:28 · answer #2 · answered by Laura 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well while sex is usually very healthy during pregnancy, the drive varies from woman to woman. Some go into over-drive as others may come to a complete halt. Try to remember that being pregnant is an emotional rollercoaster for alot of women. Their bodies are changing and hormones are changing rapidly. Maybe she's scared to have sex for fear that it may hurt her or the baby. Also maybe she doesn't feel as sexy as she did when she wasn't pregnant. The best advice I can tell you is ask her why. Leave the frustration and accusations outside, then if it's fear holding her back, go to her next dr. appoint. with her and talk about how sex can affect your baby. Also try to be special nice, let her know she's always beautiful and sexy in your eyes. Let her know she's a person to you not just someone you knocked up. She needs support, love and patience. If you want to get any, those are your best bets. Good Luck To You and Your Family.
2007-06-14 06:42:37 · answer #3 · answered by maev 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not selfish, because there's no way you could possibly understand.
There could be any number of reasons. (It really depends on what trimester she's in as well.) In the beginning, I didn't want to have sex at all, and I had a fairly easy beginning. So if she's *just* found out she's pregnant... she could be tired constantly, or have strong aversions to smell. - Clean yourself up really nice, brush your teeth, the whole nine yards. (No promises there, but I was much more comfortable kissing my husband after he brushed his teeth.) At this stage in the game... she's most likely feeling sick all the time. So give her a break here, and be patient.
In the middle months - I felt tons better. But... my sex drive is a bit off of my husbands. I want sex smack dab in the middle of the day. So now he comes home from work for lunch. It's in this stage of the game you should be honest about your feelings without pressuring her into doing anything. Ask her how she's feeling. Let her know that you miss the intamacy but understand if she's not ready or up to it.
(And I'm not here yet... ) But in the third... it gets tricky again. She's most likey larger, making sex complicated and at times uncomfortable. There's also the fear of seeing yourself naked at this stage. Be supportive of how she looks naked, but don't lie.
After birth.. you medically aren't suppose to have sex for 6 weeks min. (Although most women aren't ready for it until more around the 8th week, I've read.)
So... bottom line is... BE PATIENT. She'll love and thank you for it so much later on. My husband has been amazing in his patience and waiting for me to be ready... and taking "no" as an answer. Don't pressure her into anything or make her feel guilty, it will only stress her out. Be supportive and loving... and you'll get that in return. Good luck!
2007-06-15 02:11:02 · answer #4 · answered by Arneb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simple Reason:
She Feels Ugly, They hate Being Fat and With 3 Stone (At 9 Months) Of Baby Just Appearing On Her Belly She is Bound Not To Feel Great! Telling Her She Is Beautiful Wont Help, She Won't Believe You, Although Every Now and Then Tell Her; Her Hair Looks Nice, that Top Suits Her, Her Legs Love SO Gorgeous! Stuff Like that, Otherwise, She'll Think Your Up To Something, Just Trust Me. I Know.
2007-06-14 06:33:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
If it is her first pregnancy she may be feeling self-conscious about the way her body has changed. have you tried talking to her? You should also consider that the primary goal of the act of sex is to get pregnant, so perhaps now her body has achieved that goal it does not see the point in having sex. I was actually under the impression women's libidos increased during pregnancy, possibly a response to the fact that there is no threat of pregnancy because they were already there - why not talk to her and ask her what is going on. If you come over all smoochy and demanding then she is unlikely to want to discuss it, but if you just have a bit of a chat with her (like you want to understand what you can do to make her feel loved when you can no longer do the thang, then she may let you know what is going on in her head.
2007-06-14 09:36:46 · answer #6 · answered by L B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most women want sex all the time when pregnant because of the surge in hormones. Are you making her feel like all you want from her is sex? On the other hand, there are some women who just aren't interested. Being pregnant is very tiring and puts alot of demands on the human body. Try placing about 9 kg of weight across your abdomen along with about 2kg on either side of your chest and you will get an idea of how uncomfortable it can be to be pregnant.
Alot of women who feel pressured by their partners constant demands for sex get repulsed by the idea and being pregnant is an easy excuse.
Back off and find out what is going on with HER. When I say back off, I mean, no snide comments about not having sex, no sarcasm about finding it elsewhere and NO guilt trips because she doesn't want it.
If you care about your partner, you will want to get involved with the actual caring for the baby and showing her that you care for her and the sex will follow.
You are probably coming across as selfish or maybe, she has mentioned it. If she's said, then, yes, you are being selfish in the sense of not thinking about what she is going through.
Your girlfriend is more than just a vessel for you to get off on and have your children.
Wake up.
2007-06-14 06:38:33 · answer #7 · answered by KD 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Rationally...
She's sharing her body with someone else already. Her personal space is constantly being intruded upon. Having you want to share her body as well is like nails on a chalk board.
Kind of like when you just want to be alone, but it never happens.
In the second trimester, most women will get their drive back in full force, plus some! In my last trimester, I started off with a strong drive, but near the end, I was totally turned off from it.
A lot of women will also feel just 'too big' for sex.
Don't force it and just respect that she appreciates her space. A kiss on the forehead when you come home from your day is more than enough affection.
Cooke her some dinner and rent a movie :D
2007-06-14 06:42:42 · answer #8 · answered by Jocelyn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There was a period during my pregnancy where sex was very uncomfortable. I was still feeling sick and my body wasn't lubricating (sorry to get gross) itself as much as I would have liked. It really just felt odd and out of context. My hair was greasier and I was starting to put on my baby weight. I just didn't feel attractive. I sure didn't have a supportive boyfriend at the time encouraging me and telling me how beautiful I was either.
I don't know what stage of pregnancy your girlfriend is in, but if she's farther along and her back hurts...give her a massage. If her feet hurt...rub them. It will show her how attune you are to her needs and might make her a little more responsive to you...ya know...sexually. Just be sensitive.
My sex drive kicked in full gear towards the end of my pregnancy. Like someone else mentioned...semen can help soften the cervex...helps a woman dilate. It's a natural response to want sex (not for everyone) towards the end.
Give her time. She is carrying your child. :-)
2007-06-14 06:37:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When I first got pregnant (I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was about 8 weeks) I was in the mood more than ever, and just rarin to go at it, probably due to a hormone spike. But other times I was just not in the mood at all. (However, my husband's approach tends to often be pretty 'so, you wanna?' which doesn't exactly help things)
Try watching a romantic movie with her, I know that's probably not on the top of your favourite things to do, but even just 2 weeks ago that got me in the mood for the first time in a while. Just keep in mind that at some point it'll become difficult for her to even roll over in bed, that tends to be the point where your desire tends to go from low to NO. When rolling over in bed becomes an effort-driven activity, you don't really feel like doing something even more active.
2007-06-14 07:05:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋