I just found out that my girlfriend is having a baby and it is my baby. I also found out that my girlfriend is married. Having been deceived, hurting, and above all having a baby soon. What kind of mindset should I have? I want the child to have a great life and will do anything for that to happen. I'm currently working as a Database Engineer, so money is not really a problem. The problem is I think I need some guidance because of the complications that's involved.
At this point I think my girlfriend and I needs to put our differences aside. We both need to focus on raising a child together. But, the question is how?
I have cared for my girlfriend and will continue to care for her. Then decided what we will do after the baby is born. I think at this point I will just have to swallow my pride.
Ladies: What would you do, if you were in her situation? Let's say it's not that easy to get a divorce because of cultural differences.
2007-06-14 05:53:59 · 14 answers · asked by Cerealkiller 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Would having a baby be easier for her to get a divorce? what would be an appropriate thing to do? help I want my child to have a good life...and she is not getting an abortion either. Which really makes me happy.
2007-06-14 05:55:09 · update #1
My god, how do you come up with these scenarios?
2007-06-14 05:58:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
You need to find out whether she has told her husband that the child is yours and not his. Plus how does she know it is yours and not his? You need to have a paternity test done as soon as the baby is born and make your decisions based on that test result. Don't make any rash decisions or take any rash actions until your paternity of the child is proven. First of all would you want to continue a relationship with this woman who has been decieving you all this time? It's still possible to provide your child with a good life even if you and it's mother aren't together. And will her husband allow visitation for you and how will he treat this child if it's determined it's not his - in some cultures this is the greatest insult!!!! Maybe you could get custody of the child if it's proven to be yours but nothing can really be done until the paternity test is taken. Good luck to you and God Bless.
2007-06-14 13:02:38 · answer #2 · answered by tersey562 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she can't/won't get a divorce, she should have the baby and sign her parental rights over to you so that you will be the child's sole guardian.
I don't think you want your child being raised in a home with her husband, because he is obviously going to resent the child (maybe even HATE them) because it isn't his and is a constant reminder of his wife's infidelity... he might take his anger/frustration out on YOUR child... bad situation.
So, the choice is divorce on her part and raise the child with you, or give the child and her parental rights to you and stay with her husband.
You need to get a lawyer NOW...the sooner the better... DO NOT WAIT until the baby comes... you need to make sure you go on the birth certificate as the father... you may also need to do DNA testing to prove its your child... you really need to consult a lawyer right away if you want to protect your parental rights, and the lawyer can also help you get custody of your child. In most States, if the wife is pregnant the Court automatically considers the husband to be the father and it will SERIOUSLY delay a divorce, even IF the woman wants one... YOU NEED A LAWYER, BADLY!
p.s. to the morons who think it wouldn't be possible to hide her marriage -- how long do you have to be with someone in order to get knocked up? It can happen in about 2.2 minutes if the guy is quick about it sexually, and you only have to have sex once. Lots of people have sex on the 1st, 2nd, 3rd date...
2007-06-14 13:01:32 · answer #3 · answered by Heather L 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look that right there is serious. one if the shoe was in the other foot how would you feel!!!!! that is not what you call a girlfriend ok look the definition up ok!!!! thats what you call a booty call, or a mistress. if she is married, and has a man, then your just a substitute. open your eyes of the situation, here she is preganet with your baby, but your not the man shes with. she dosen't wake up to you, she dosen't go to sleep to you so what is it you don't get. yea you want the best for that baby, but you also need to worry about yours to. this married man will b taking care of your child, and hers. that a bad feeling to no that child is not yours after you have adapted yourself of noing your having one. you need to b more careful of what you do for now one cuz if you don't your in a heep of hot water. she is very foul for that, any woman who can do this is not a woman, she is a little girl in a grown womans body!!!!!!
2007-06-14 13:13:16 · answer #4 · answered by GSkillz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're telling us that you found out your girlfriend was married after she got pregnant. And that doesn't bother you? She wasn't honest with her husband obviously, nor was she honest to you?
What do you expect of your life with someone like that?
I actually read some of your past questions, and at some point, you were confused by her behavior towards you. You thought she was your friend, and you never tried to hide your feelings.
I really feel bad for you, and be VERY careful and alert when you listen to her. Try to see what her motives are, her reactions, everything. It's a tacky situation. You need to see where she stands, if she's responisble, and if she loves you or her husband.
It infuriates me that some married women out there feel the right to go out with a boy, let him fall in love and get pregnant, while pretending they're single and ignoring his feelings.
2007-06-14 13:02:00 · answer #5 · answered by yogi 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would never allow myself to be put into a situation as this. Married is married and I would never cheat on my husband and then use the excuse that because of my religious beliefs and cultural beliefs I am unable to divorce him. However, I am permitted to cheat on him if someone comes around that appeals to my senses. Oh my what a twisted web we have made.
2007-06-14 13:01:07 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go ahead and get an attorney -- you will need it. If you play your cards right, the child could be in your custody once it is born --- along with a blood test.
2007-06-14 13:14:01 · answer #7 · answered by brainfreeze007 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She needs to leave her husband... and if she does not agree to that. the husband needs to know that the baby she is having is yours and that you have every intention of being involved. Make sure that if it comes down to that you let him know that she was also deceiving you by not letting you know that she was married.
2007-06-14 13:14:41 · answer #8 · answered by M-26 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can only let her decide if she wants to divorce, she may want to stay with her husband. But you will have rights to the child and if you don't stay together you can still have custody. Good luck!
2007-06-14 12:59:02 · answer #9 · answered by parental unit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
get full custody of the baby- the woman is a lying cheater.
2007-06-14 13:04:22 · answer #10 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Know what I wanna know? How was able to keep her married life so well hidden from you? thats what I want to know? Didn't you think it strange that you couldn't go to her place? that maybe your phone calls were limited?
I'm amazed how people seem to get themselves mired in such sh*t.
2007-06-14 13:00:11 · answer #11 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋