I need some advice. My husband abandonded me. What should I do?

Question

My ahusband and I have been married for 3 years. He is a Malayalee and I am white. His parents are Pentacostal Christians as am I but we had issues with is family from the beginning. They never supported our marriage. Almost two months ago we were dealing with some things his parents said about me. I was offended and he took their side. He told me he was going to speak with them in person (we live in Oklahoma and they live in Michigan) and he would be back in a few days. He never returned, he changed his address, and quit his job by e-mail. He will not speak to me but I have received a few general e-mails. I know that many Americans will say I should divorce him but as a Christian I feel that is the wrong thing to do. Also I have heard from some people he worked with that he may have been on singles websites at work and that he may have gone meet someone. I really need some advice about what to do. Anyone who is a Malayalee Christian might have some insight about this situation.

Answer 1

Read your bible, you do not have to remain married to a man who has cheated on you. You do not have to stay in a marriage when you don't have a clue where your husband is. Why are you giving him so much power over your life, while he is gone off living his without giving you a second thought? God bless****

Answer 2

Well, I am not a Malayalee Christian but I would like to offer some advise.
You know life is not always fair. For whatever reason your husband decided he does not want to be married to you anymore. You cannot make someone love you and by the same token you cannot get them to stay if they have made the choice to go.
IOne sentence in your question really struck a chord with me and that's where you said you were having some problems and he took his parents side over you. That had to really hurt but it also says something about him. And then he just left and never came back. In my opinion he is too immature to be married. You are much better off without him.
You can start fresh now and I pray you can put this all behind you. You need to be a little more selfish now. You need to start putting yourself first. I hope everything works out for you. You sound like a very nice person. Seashell

Answer 3

I wish, deep in my heart, I could give you a hug. I have not been in your situation, but I have been in "a" situation that resulted in a seperation. I can understand how you feel divorce is wrong, but you shouldn't think about that now. What you need to do is call up your friends and family, and vent. Do it over and over again, until it just becomes a story to you. They will offer advice, and a shoulder to cry on. I know you are not looking to move on, only advice to deal with the pain. I dealt with it by working out, and crying...a lot. I am not Malayalee Christian, but I am a Christian. And I have faith that you will find the strength to pull together. Your husdand obviously had some issues of his own to up and disappear. Just remember..."it's better to have love and lost, then to never have loved at all."

Answer 4

Your husband sneaked out of your life without so much as a by your leave and you have qualms about divorcing him? What do you normally do with rotten potatoes? Throw them or preserve them? I'm not sure whether taking the backdoor in troubled times is the general trait of Malayalee Christians, but a guy like that is not the best one to have as a husband. You should have some idea about US laws in such matters. I suggest you contact law enforcing authorities to locate the fool and bring him back to you by the scruff.

Answer 5

one thing that i have learned the hard way is that when you are with someone from a different culture there are going to be issues. Not always however there usually are, its good that you share the same religion because if it were different things might have been harder. If his parents were against you they might not change their mind. He will be on his parents side and im sure its taring him apart that his parents and his wife do not see eye to eye. I understand the part about not believing in devorce and that your Christian, as am I. I can't really say divorce him or don't because only you and him trully know the extent of your issues. But im sure God would not want you to suffer and be in a bad relationship, so if you don't see it working out and if he just up and left like that maybe you need to move on. As hard as that might be it might be the only solution. Good luck in everything and God bless.

Answer 6

If you are against divorce than that is your decision and you have the right to stick to your convictions. However, you can not make him feel a certain way. If he has abandoned you and make contact impossible, than it's time to do for yourself. Do you make enough money to support yourself and pay your bills? If not, than make a plan that will work for you. Are you alone in Oklahoma? If so, you may consider moving closer to your family. Do you have children? If so, you need to take legal action to ensure that he is financially supporting them. (That does not necessarily mean divorce). I'm sorry that this has happened to you...it's not right that he did not discuss his feeling with you. Your husband may change his mind at some point, but until then you need to think about yourself. Good luck hun.

Answer 7

If you're going to let religion be your guide here...you're screwed madam. lets put this right on the table. He abandoned you. The reasoning behind it is lousy to say the very least.
Although I'm not extrememly religious...getting a divorce is not "un-Christian like". Any minister who says otherwise is a stooge and should be defrocked. Quite frankly....Christ wants you to be happy in your life and lead a good one. You can't do that in your current situation.
Make the break. You can atone for your 'sins' later if you so desire but at least you'll be free to remarry and raise a family in the Christian way. In the meantime...leave the forgieners to the missionaries.

Answer 8

Well ! Don't worry dear ! I'm not a malayalee, but I'm an Indian. I can understand what is going on u... no words can comfort ur wounded soul. I beleive u r good beleiver in Christ. And ur answer is Christ. If u have ur parents.. pls visit them & stay with them till u feel u r alright. Don't expect him to come back.. I'd only say to prepare ur mind to start a new life. God will be with u. I shall remember u in my prayers.

Answer 9

First of all I am sorry that you are going thru this.
Divorce is percieved as a nasty and ugly word.
It in essense means simply to seperate permanantely.
Your husband has abandoned you and as a Christian Man
he has also failed to honor the code of marriage which is to love thy wife as Christ loved the church.

Ephesians 5:25 (King James Version)
King James Version (KJV)

25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

So he has already made the divorce but simply not in a legal form.

I am not a Malayalee but I am a Christian and I have been divorced my self after 17 years of marriage.

If you are not able to contact him even thru emails.
It is very obviouse that he has already chosen his path.
As a Christian we are taught to forgive and move on.
Sounds like you are not even able to be given that opprtunity

Unless you are wanting to move on with life now such as dating etc.
I would not rush into Divorce so quickly it can be costly and emotionally painful.

Your case is already strong and as a wife you have all the rights to what he has financially insurance wise.

So I would let him build his fortune and not allow the other woman to benefit in the event that he kills over in doing so.

Let him live in sin if that is what he is doing but you do not need to give him the free ticket to do so.

I would began to focus on yourself and making yourself be the woman you need to be. And if he wants a divorce so badly make him pay for it himself.

Answer 10

Wow, that's tough. I don't want to give you a careless answer because I'm so young- I'm not married, but why don't you go to his parents' house and at least find out where he is or how he's doing? Maybe he got scared of the whole situation and decided to leave. I know many men have trouble with commitment. I know you don't have the best relationship with his family, but this is all a suggestion. I hope everything goes well for you. Remember, even if your husband's gone, God is still with you.

Answer 11

O dear first of all i am soooo srry to hear about this. 2nd of all please bear with me while i try to help u. OK so ur husband left to u see his parents and said he'll come bac in a few days but never did. Well to me he doesnt seem loyal but maybe he is going through a tough time right now. Try and talk to him. Ask him what the deal is with u guys. Maybe he feels that he needs a break or maybe his parents pressured him to not come bac home. Maybe u should have a word with his parents. I hope i was able to help u even just a little.