What do you think of my short poem?

Question

I wish things were diffrent but it seems as if everything is still the same. I'll never change who i was born to be even if I change my name. My life is only encouraged by stories told by old then remembered in myth. To be a legend is what i strive 2 accomplish but anything less is but a mere wish. ~jessica dee

Answer 1

Hello,
I think you have the beginnings of a good poetic idea here, but I feel this could benefit from considerable work. The idea is unclear unless you're trying to describe a state of inertia or hopelessness about any change in the future. Also, in paragraph form, a poem rarely resembles poetry. The wording is relatively commonplace, not particularly imaginative, and contains neither imagery, alliteration, nor assonance. While there are a few rhymes, rhymes alone do not make a poem.

Please don't take my opinions too harshly. You are seeking opinions, and that's all I'm giving you. If you yourself as the author are clear in your mind what you're trying to communicate to your reader or listener, you will be more successful. This current effort seems like fragments of a poem trying to find cohesion with each other, which is currently lacking. Maybe write out your thoughts in simple prose, then edit, edit, edit. Out of that should come an imaginative way of reaching your theme and transmitting your message. Sometimes, poems which deal with the "nebulous" can benefit from a title, which helps focus the audience's attention and thinking more directly onto your theme or intended message. Good luck.

Answer 2

I liked it except for the last line.

'To be a legend is what i strive 2 accomplish but anything less is but a mere wish.'

First, don't use a number to replace a word.
Second, it doesn't make any sense. Failing to accomplish becoming a legend is a mere wish? Nope. Makes no sense.

Otherwise, it's ok.

Answer 3

via Gwendolyn Brooks 1960 The Pool Players Seven on the Golden Shovel. We truly cool. We Left college. We Lurk overdue. We Strike directly. We Sing sin. We Thin gin. We Jazz June. We Die quickly. --- this can be a popular poem and is taught in just about each and every contemporary American poetry magnificence.

Answer 4

Ooey gooey
was a worm
A little worm was he
he climbed upon the railroad tracks
a train he did not see
ooey gooey.

Answer 5

I think that that is a great poem Jessica

Answer 6

It's not a poem, but rather a prose statement.

Answer 7

thought provoking, you can read it again and again and get a different meaning out of it everytime~ and thats a good thing! I like it!

Answer 8

I love it and I'm not really into poetry. You might want to submit it to magazines.

Answer 9

I liked it! It seemed like there was a passion when you wrote this!
Taylor

Answer 10

cool