How do I deal with Husband's Crappy Attitude all the time?

Question

My husband hates his job. He comes home every night in a foul mood. He complains all the time about how much he hates it. Now he is on a pity-party saying "maybe I'm just not qualified for this job" "maybe I've been fooling myself". First, I tried to cheer him up all the time, give him pep talks. Nothing changes. So, I tried to tell him how his attitude was effecting me. His answer "fine. I'll just pretend like everything is okay". Look, I am pretty realistic. If your job makes you miserable then get another job. Don't sit there and wallow in it. Get up and do something about it. Unfortuately, he doesn't see it that way. Right now, I don't want to be around him because I am just tired of the complaining. How do I deal with him?

If this was a situational or temporary phase I could deal with some complaining, but this has been going on for almost a year.

Answer 1

I can tell you from experience, that the more you focus on his negative attitude, the worse it'll get. If he wants to be all negative and wallow in misery, then let him wallow alone. Go throughout your day, just peachy keen. You might have to "act as if" it doesn't bother you for a while, and fake it, but soon you'll find it easy to do. The happier he sees you, the worse he'll act at first, but sooner or later, your positive mood will either wear off on him, OR you'll become so used to looking over him it won't bother you anymore. Misery loves company....so don't let him drag you along for the ride.

Answer 2

That's tough - especially since he has decided to be negative and not either a) make the best of it and look for the positives; or b) begin looking for another job so he can move on. Personally, I suspect it is more then his job that is his problem and once he changes it and finds a new one, he will probably find something else to complain about - he could just be a chronic negative whiner. Some people are.

My suggestion: It's not your responsibility to cheer him up or try to fix his problem (himself) and it's impossible, anyway. When he comes home whining, just say "that's nice" and keep on doing whatever it is you were doing. Change the subject every time and continue to make bland comments like, "that's nice" or "sounds good" or "hope you enjoy your evening" - short sentences should do it. And then walk away. He'll eventually get it.

Sooner or later he will get tired of his pity party when he releases no one is going to join him - not much a party if you are the only party goer.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Don't quit. He's going thru a bad time in this life, not sure which decision to make and that's when his wife should be right by his side.

You are doing excellent if you are trying to cheer him up. You should always compliment your husband. Don't say that it's not making a difference because nothing changes. It most certainly does change. It's all getting stored in his brain. These are the things he will never forget, even though he doesn't respond.

I would get the paper on Sunday and look for jobs for him. Just mention the jobs you think he might like. You might find the one that he would love. That would show him how much you love him.

Just imagine, what he would think of you and how he would respect you and become incredibly close to you, if you stood by his side, compliment him all the time, mentally, emotionally and physically and then find him the job that he loves.

THAT MAN WOULD KNEEL WHEN YOU WALKED IN THE ROOM! You would have the happiest marriage possible. Do not run the other way.

Answer 4

Next time your hubby complains about his job take out the newspaper, sit on his lap, and start going through the want ads. Ask him, "ok, why don't we see what else is out there". He needs to be snapped back into reality and needs your support, not complaints. Maybe he is just feeling insecure about living up to what his boss wants. Ask him if he wants to change jobs, his attitude, or continue to be miserable because those are his three choices. Then ask him why he isn't doing anything to change the situation and ask him what you can do to help. If that doesn't work tell him to stay away from you until he gets off the pity pot and wants to do something about it.
Good luck!

Answer 5

First of all realize that as his wife and partner through life, your his saftey zone - the one place he can go to bi*ch and complain and get it all out of his system without reprocussion. SO listen, don't be sympathetic, don't be sarcastic & NEVER try to "make it all better" - just listen and then let it go - that's his way of letting go.

Once it's all out & aired - then trun the tables around - say to him "on a brighter note today....." or say to him "then since it's been such a crappy day, why don't we.................." or rather then even give him a chance to start complaining - surprise him with a very romantic and uplifting dinner with music, candles and great lovemaking to show him that while he hates what he's doing, you still love him and know why he's doing it & that it's appreciated.

Answer 6

He needs to get off his butt and get real. Sounds to me he feeds off your attention but in a negative way. If he is suffuring then everyone around him needs to suffer. Ignore him and cut off the sex. According to his age it might also be a mid life thing also and sometimes a crisis doesn't go by age. But he needs to get over it. Sit down and make him fill out a few applications or look thru the want adds or even monster.com. Sometimes, even if you are not the one with the problem, you are the one who has to take the lead and make something happen. You have to take charge and everyone will follow. good luck. Please don't let get it way out of hand to where you lose everything.

Answer 7

Stop being so self centered! He's your husband and you love him. Why are you making this about you? I hate to be a ***** here but my husband was in a similar situation a few years back but I never gave up on him. I never stopped cheering him up and giving him pep talks because they were the only thing getting him through it. If you abandon him emotionally then what will he have left in his life? You need to make his life about what happens outside of work. Work is just something you have to do but it's not your reasons for living and going on. You have to make him see that by making each day special. I know it's hard but this is exactly what your vows were talking about. For better or WORSE.

Answer 8

Hey! You think that your husband knows my wife? maybe they're taking lessons from one another?

Know what? I like you. I like your attitude. I like your responses to him. Especially when you let the 5 minutes of whining go on and the very next day its the same sh*t all over again. Then...yeah...they have the aggatz to get bent out of shape with YOU for wearing you down with a problem only they can address. What is it you want for me? I give sympathy...support, advice and constructive critisicim...all to get nothing but whining and backhanded self pitying comments in return.
Come on. lets go have a drink together and trade notes. i know a lovely Italian place in Jamestown, Rhode Island that makes the best martinis.

Whatta ya say?

Answer 9

Don't let him ruin one more minute of one more of your days. Did you ever hear of selective hearing??? Just sort of tune some of that out and don't let it get in you. Be happy yourself and be gracious but in your spirit put a little distance so he can't ruin your mood. Be cheerful yourself. Have other friends and hobbies too. Things and people that lift you up. It is probably just a phase, just a season. Hang in there.

Answer 10

complain about it. Jeez, He's going through some kind of phase right now, try giving him some space instead of complaining about his complaining. your fueling the fire when you do that. Most men like to figure things out on their own and when they go through this "phase" the last thing they need is a nagging wife, You have already tried to be supportive of him and if that didn't work then let him figure things out for himself. He's probably got emotions going through him right now that he can't explain. for better or for worse just try and be patient with him and understand that he's not being obnoxious on purpose.