Mother In Law and New Baby!?

Question

My husband and I are pregnant with my first child (his second)! We just told our families, and my parents were really excited! But his mother told me that it wasnt fair to his little boy! because he doesnt live with his daddy (he is 2)! Every time we talk it's always "poor brayson he's going to be jealous, and she even tells me she prays it's a girl so that it wont hurt his feelings, his daddy having another little boy! Im about fed up and I just want to scream at her and tell her that there are other children in this world besides Brayson and was she expecting us to never have a child together! What should I tell her, so that I dont start a huge family fued?

Just so you know, I love Brayson VERY much and I treat him as if he is mine, and we are very close! Just because i'm having my first IS NOT going to change how I feel about him!!!! I just want her to understand that I dont want my baby treated diffrent than him. She honestly makes me feel like Im 14 and came home from school and told her i was pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is convienced that we didnt wait long enough and she even said she was embarressed that we had a child so soon after getting married!!!

Answer 1

You know, with her attitude, the 2 year old will have issues dealing with a new baby no matter what the gender.

Here's what we did: our son was 9 and autistic when we got pregnant with the baby- a planned pregnancy. I included him in everything, he went to the ultrasounds, the appointments, he helped to pick out things for his baby sister while I was pregnant. He really was made to feel a part of the whole deal. As well, he picked out her name- Hailey after the comet.

What I would do:
Talk with your husband and then together as a team talk to your MIL. Tell her that you want your stepson to accept this baby and negative vibes are going to hurt him. Ask that she try to adopt a very positive attitude toward the new baby as far as the 2 year old go. Remember, children are experts at picking up on that which is never said.

Then:
Have your husband talk to his sons mom. During some visits- the ultrasound, etc. make arrangements for your stepson to go.

Take him shopping when you are buying for baby- have him pick out things for the baby. Noah picked out the swing, the walker, the bouncy seat, etc. (he is 10 now, but he did great)
When shopping for the baby- get him a big brother gift each time.

When baby is born, get the 2 year old up there right away- and have a big brother gift there from the baby. Make it a really special gift. As you hold the baby- talk to the 2 year old about the baby's hands and compare to his hands, same thing with feet. Make sure you show him when the baby yawns or cries- that babies are not born with teeth. My son was fascinated by this fact.

At home, have him help with diapers, etc. Noah loved to get diapers, wipes, and he even gets Hailey's bath ready. I check it to make sure but he does this on his own. She adores him and there is no rivalry.

I know you talked about your MIL but the main thing to avoid this is to get the 2 year old feeling great and knowing that he is still really special- and he was first.

I feel for you. I heard over and over that Noah was going to hate the baby- and it's been the opposite- he adores her. At night, I sit and watch him play with her. I know you cannot do this with a 2 year old, but all of what I listed- with the exception of the bath- your stepson can do. Make him a huge part of it and let him know that his opinions matter. Ask: what do you think about this one? How about that one???

Good luck to you all and you are in my prayers!

Answer 2

I sincerely hope that Brayson isnt getting the rough end of the deal. Children will learn to deal with any situation, and it probably wont be anywhere near as troublesome for him as your mother in law is making it. However if he IS being pushed aside by his father, there are a lot of problems. Even if you are not his biological mother, you have come into his life early enough that he will not remember a time without you. You need to respect that and no matter the situation in which this child came from treat him with undivided love. When you married your husband, you married his famly as well- including that child.
If all is well and good in that department, just let it go, at least on your end. As the pregnancy moves on hopefully his mother will get caught up in everything and forget her pettyness. One thing thatwill help everyone is if you involve Brayson in the preperation for the new baby. It will make him feel like he is part of what is going on, and maybe get your mother in law off your back.

Good luck, and congrats!

Answer 3

Have your husband talk to her and tell her to stop with her BS, to put it bluntly. Brayson will be FINE! It's a matter of making sure he understands that this baby will not be loved any more or any less than you guys love him. They will be close enough in age that it's not going to matter. He doesn't fully understand right now anyhow considering he is only 2. Just make sure they see eachother as much as possible. Hopefully Brayson's mom can make it exciting for him as well, as someone said earlier, play up the big brother roll.
Everyone goes on in their lives, just because they have a child with one person does not mean they can't with another.

Answer 4

I know what you mean and I feel so bad for you! My mother-in-law favor's my husband's previous child as well. To be honest with you, she has NEVER taken any of my boys anywhere, has only seen them a handful of times and doesn't even act like she cares about them when she sees them. The previous child is a girl and I have 3 boys... I don't know if she has something against boys or what, but it really is hard on my kids. I wish you the best of luck with your baby, and just be proud of your child. If she is like this through the pregnancy, she will most likely be worse after the baby is born.

Don't worry so much about it, though. You will go through your whole pregnancy thinking your baby isn't good enough and that is not fair to you or the baby. If she keeps talking about it, just say things like "Yes, it will be hard at first for Brayson, but he will actually be happier to have a play mate." He is not going to suffer... If it were me, I would confront her by telling her how concerned you are for the well-being of your child. Just tell her you want everyone to welcome this baby with open arms but you don't feel like anyone is excited about it and it hurts. Be respectful but also truthful...

Good luck!!

Answer 5

Don't you just LOVE in laws! The 3 of you need to sit down and have a chat. Let her know that this changes nothing when it comes to his son whether it is a boy or girl. She may be having problems with the fact that she isn't seeing the other child enough.
My ex husband and I have 2 kids and he has a baby with his girlfriend, plus she already had one of her own and my new hubby and I have one on the way in Dec. Things are fine between all the kids. My kids don't get to see there father alot(about 3 times a year) but that is not the baby's fault and my kids know that.
Just make sure that you are giving your hubby's son the same treatment as you would if you weren't having a baby and things should be fine! You might even try to include him in the pregnancy so that he doesn't feel left out.
Good luck and congrats!

Answer 6

If i were you I wouldn't care about that woman. I know that she's going to support Brayson's side... Yes, Brayson's going to be jealus bu it isn't your fault. Try to talk with your mother in law and tell her that Brayson and your baby is going to be like pure siblings, no metter what, they are all coming from same father. And tell her that you can send your son to Brayson's house once a week for them to get to know each other better. Brayson's only 2 and he would be please to have a brother/sister to play with. If it doesn't work, try to get to be friends with the other woman and make an offer. Maybe your husband can stay at her old house once a week. etc..

Answer 7

im so sorry tht you are going through this..your husband should explain to her that if you tell Brayson about his new sibling be it a girl or a boy in an excited tone and get him all excited about seeing and spending time w his new sibling he should be fine...there are so many families out there that live in separate homes and they are just fine..its people that bring it to the kids attention and talk about it like its a bad thing that gets kids to feel sad or upset.....
I know how you feel in a way...my husband and I are expecting our first child together in August..I have 2 children from previous and he has a son that lives over 700 miles away!! I was the one worried about how Eric would feel...but I didnt say anything and when my husband talked to Eric (who is 10) he is so excited to have a baby sister....so like I said I think its all about how we approach the situation with our kids, tell her not to jump to conclusions about how Brayson will feel...and to set a positive example about his new sibling not a negative one

Answer 8

I just LOVE mother in laws....not. Ya learn to pick your battles. Is it worth it to start WWIII over this? Just be sure to include big brother in the new life. Just because the child doesn't live with y'all doesn't mean he'll be ignored. Every child experiences some amount of jealousy when a new baby arrives...part of life. Tell her you'd love to be blessed with a little girl, or a little boy. Wouldn't Brayson just love a little brother to take care of?! Talk to your husband as well. Let him know that his mother's words hurt/offend you. Best of luck.

Answer 9

I had to smile at this, my Mother-in-Law has been a pain in the rear since we told her I am pregnant too. We drove for 60 miles to break the news in person and were devistated by her reaction. She says I am too old to have a baby and should be having the menopause (I'm 40) instead and she more or less suggested we get rid of the baby. This will be their first grandchild.

If your Husband is like mine, he just switches off from his Mother and leaves me to face the music!!!

Much as you want to shout and scream at her, keep reassuring her that Baryson will always be part of your family and that the new child will be a friend/playmate for him and never a replacement.

I wish you the best of everything and am sure she will be different when the baby is born.

Answer 10

HOLY JESUS! This is one sticky situation! WOW!

What does your husband think of this? I only have one hope here....that your mother-in-law is NOT talking to Brayson that way. I am getting the vibe she talks more than she should!!...as well as that she is very immorally bold.

Real hard advice, but can you talk to her about this? A woman that out of line is difficult to talk to let alone persuade her to SHUT THE F*UCK UP!! Sorry but it makes me really angry to hear about this!! What nerve and balls this lady must have!

Look, it's your time to shine and your baby...your FIRST baby....don't let her downplay this or treat it like some big mistake that will ruin the family dynamics...or whatever she claims. Let her know how you feel and that her words and actions are inappropriate. Could you and your husband do this together? To let her know she is WAY out of line....

Good luck to you!!