why do spouses take small issues that could be solved and turn them into screaming warfare?

Question

In other words why hold in the anger when you can address the situation right then and there instead of waiting until you burst and it turns into a shouting match

Answer 1

I agree, but then, I'm a "talker". My husband tends to clam up, and just want to sweep it under the rug. Some people are screamers. They grew up most likely in a home of screamers (I did, but broke the cycle with me) and that's all they know. That's how they think they'll be "heard". People who hold their anger in, tend to hold grudges too, because it stays with them longer. All you can do, is understand that this is how that person is, and they are unlikely to change, unless they have some kind of inner awakening and want to. So, you have to decide if you can accept them how they are, and learn to live with it, or not.

Answer 2

It just depends on who your with. My fiance and I talk rather than shout. Last night he asked me "Honey, do you think we will ever have a screaming fight?" I answered that it would have to be something really serious for us to fight like that. Of course everyone is going to argue. Arguing is normal. But the way you argue is what matters. It also depends on how the argument started. Did you come off the bat by attacking? That's what brings up defenses and causes retaliation instantly. If you can find a way to address an issue without attacking then do it. You know the other person and from that you have to determine how the situation needs to be addressed.

Answer 3

Simple. Usually the "small issue" isn't the issue at all. People will fight about something that is seemingly insignificant when in reality the issue at hand is huge. Example. Fighting about who takes the trash out might really be a fight about lack of respect. Fighting about money might really be a fight about power and control. Screaming and yelling ends with hurt feelings and typically no solution. People should be mature enough to understand the complicated issues in a relationship and discuss a plan to come up with a solution.

Answer 4

that fairly relies upon although. because in case you 2 did not fairly comprehend one yet another so nicely before you purchased married and the small variations are bothering you at present, I say it is a lack of determining the way you'll take care of one yet another's variations. I propose perchance you both skipped over a number of one yet another's quirks and theory they could paintings themselves out contained in the top. yet that by no ability fairly got here about so now they are bothering younow. acceptable component i will propose doing is telling one yet another what fairly bothers you both about doing certain issues and workout recurring some way that you'll both co-exist in unity. perchance arise with some kind of reward equipment, like if he options up all his socks or you in case you do not smack your lips once you eat for like 2 weeks or somet.hing you both pass out to dinner and a movie. hopefully that could help you adult adult males detect ordinary methods to be extra courteous of one yet another's quirks.

Answer 5

I don't know but my spouse is the same way. Things which seem pretty insignificant to me are huge problems for him. Today it was that I forgot to put coffee grounds in the maker so there was a pot of hot water. He freaked out . I don't know maybe we have our spouses so spoiled that they can't cope with life anymore. I wanted to dump the hot water over his head and tell him to make the stupid coffee himself.

Answer 6

It depends on the couple. Some who blow up like that do so because they feel that they can't "talk" about things, so they try to keep it in and not rock the boat. By keeping things bottled up they end up blowing up instead.

Answer 7

Small issues become shouting matches because women don't know when to stop!.....Nag Nag Nag!

Answer 8

Because they are sick of looking at each other day in and day out so the smallest thing makes them explode.

Answer 9

Not every spouse is like that....its an individual thing.
A person may or may not have those issues, whether married or not.

Answer 10

Because they can.