Why do you think my bestfriend supports her sister being gay, but shut me out when i came out????

Question

Ok so my bestfriend has a sister that has been openly gay since forever. I on the other hand always new I had a thing for the ladies but never acted on it till a year ago. I told her i liked girls but she kinda brushed it off. Now that I am out and she knows im serious she shuts me out and changed on me. I mean I know I have also. I go to more gay clubs and bars than i do the straight ones now. But i still went to the straight ones just for her. Now she dont even call me to go out. Im still the same person. So why is it that she supports her sister 110% and always has her back and even goes to gay clubs to hang out with her sis but sowly but surely over the last 2 months she has shut me out? She hardly even calls me or asks to hang out. Not even Lunch or a shopping date anymore. So why??? I dont understand.

OK wait. Let me clear this up a lil better. Im not coming on to her and she knows that. Even before I came out she went thru a time of her own bi-curous days and even kissed me. Even after I came out she kissed me twice playing around. So its not that she thinks im coming on to her that scares her and she also still messes around with females also. So its not that im coming on to her...its something else i just dont know what!

Answer 1

This is probaly because she can't risk losing fam. If she's seen woth you people may start assuming she's gay.... There's also the possibility she can't accept it. I know how it was when everyone found out about my mom. They stopped hanging out with me because they assumed things. Everyone jumps to conclusions these days. Possibliy she'll come around. If not - you can't dwell on old friendships, staying in the past is preventing many from moving foward. Bigger and better things may be waiting. Hope this helped.

Answer 2

I Going To Take A Different Approach Here.
You Said She's Kissed You Before. People Joke Sometimes When They Are Really Nervous Or Not Sure How The Other Person Would React. I believe Maybe She Is Attracted To You & She Is Tryimg To Supress Those Feelings So She Choses Not To Hang Around You To Keep Her Feelings Disclosed. Or Possibly She Could Be Facing Her Own Gender Relation Battles Trying To Figure Out How She Really Feels About Herself & Everyone Else In The Mix. Just Call Her & Let Her Know That You Don't Know Why Her Coming Out has Caused Her to Avoid You But When She's Ready To Talk To You About Your Friendship Youll Be Ready To Talk.

Answer 3

Supporting a sister is one thing, and supporting a friend is another. Suppose she's afraid of extra attention being placed on her for having a lesbian friend. Being that it's her sister, no one can tie her to her romantically. It's a sister thing. But, if she's always around her gay friend people might say that you two are "friends" even if that's not the case. Maybe she's not prepared for that.

Answer 4

Well she may be confused herself. You said that she kissed you more than once. She may be struggling with feelings of her own and may be fighting emotions that are welling up inside her. A lot of gay people that I know did that. They not only denied their feelings to others they also treated other homosexuals like dirt. Just talk to her, but if she is harboring homosexual feelings let her come around in her own time.

Answer 5

Your Best friend understands that that is her sister. She's going to love and support her sister regardless of if she's gay or not. Blood is thicker than water.
However, your best friend does not care for her sister's choices but as a sense of obligation she will still support her, you on the other hand or just a friend. She doesn't support your decison to be gay and she doesn't respect it. She doesn't owe you anything.
You don't understand your ex best friend's decision because you are lacking in a sense of morality but of course that's too old school to apply anymore. ;-)

Answer 6

She has gotten used to her sister being that way, and she has to accept it, or lose family. Maybe she's worried that you are attracted to her or that people will think she's gay. Or maybe she feels you were lying to her the whole time you let her believe you were straight, and feels betrayed. If you cant talk to her and she avoids you, it's time to find a new best friend. she may also think your going to start dating her sister.

Answer 7

Hmmm,.. Maybe because that is family? That seems f^cked up to do. That is something you would have to ask her about. Are you all in her face about it? I mean, is that all you talk about with her? Since, whatever her reason might be, I would just move on then. Not a very good friend.

Answer 8

Hey,
I had a similar experience, but on the opposite end of the spectrum. One of my friends came out, I guess I could kind of see it, but it's one of those things guys ignore until the other person just comes out. From my personal experiences, I'd have to raise the question of how you acted towards her, before and after you came out to her? My friend was, always kind of close to me, and before he came out, it really annoyed me, I'm a guy, so yea, I like my space and whatnot. And when he came out, he seemed like he wanted to be closer, though he knew I was Gay, so that was a turn-off as far as friendship goes. I kind of distanced myself from him, this is very recently also, I haven't really talked to him or hung out with him for about three weeks. But my cousin also told me that he(my gay friend) had thought I was Bi and was attracted to me, I tried to make it as normal as possible I think, I told him I wouldn't hate him or anything, because I don't, every ones decision is theirs, respectively. But after he kept coming on to me, I had to just distance myself, it was too weird. Anyways, I guess maybe, since it was her sister, she has to fear of it in that sense, I mean..family will always be family, but she could feel uneasy around you. Good-luck anyhow.

Answer 9

Uhm, maybe instead of asking us, total strangers, you should ask her, your trusted friend.

Invite her over, have a heart to heart, ask her what's going on.

Maybe she just doesn't know how to relate anymore, I dunno.

That's why you need to talk to her, I'm not psychic, I can't read her mind for you. Only she can tell you what's really going on with her.

Answer 10

Maybe your sleeping with her sister wasn't such a good idea!


OK, ok jk.

Maybe because she sees your coming out as sort of a betrayal because she thinks you might have been or are attracted to her?