I am so heartbroken. I want to believe him...but I don't. I love him...but I don't know if I can stay married to him now that the trust is gone. I think he might be having an affair.
2007-06-14 03:15:55 · 29 answers · asked by disruptedgirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm very sorry. I'm sure you're in agony because of this. Look in your heart. Deep down you know if you should believe him or not. Trust your inner voice. From what you've said, I think you know he's not trust worthy, but are afraid to make the necessary steps to deal with that. Don't feel bad about that, because we've all been there.
2007-06-14 03:20:16 · answer #1 · answered by Ms. Mimsie 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If he sent it, he meant it. Why is he talking to his x anyway? He is married to you now and he really shouldn't be talking to anyone that way but you. Once the trust is gone, it is really hard to get it back and there must be some other things going on if you think he is cheating. You could get it annulled, it is according to what time limits are set in your state. My girlfriend thought she had married the man of her dreams and she was divorced after 3 months and she had a huge church wedding and everything. She tried to work it out and the trust was gone. I caught my x-husband on the net messing around and he didn't think there was nothing to it. What is the deal, a sexual proposition is just that. If it not made to who ever your with then you are cheating. Like I said, he shouldnt be talking her anyway. Do you know why they broke up, both sides of the story? I didn't know why my x and his first wife divorced until after the fact and then, he cheated on his first wife like he did me. I am not saying that is always the way....... But if you don't trust him now, then I don't really see you being able to trust him later, especially if he thinks this is all funny and your the one with the problem. I hope you the best and be sure whatever you deceide that it is your choice and yours alone.
2007-06-14 10:40:01 · answer #2 · answered by CaseyK 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It has only been two months that you have been married. Without knowing what was in the e-mail, it's hard to tell if it is a joke. I'd look at any other e-mails and see if you think he would even entertain the thought of sex with his ex. If you found this e-mail, I'm guessing your found others.
If there is any ambiguity at all, I'd give him another chance. I'd also tell him how deeply it hurt you so that he knows that this is something he can't joke about!
Then, he's been warned. If it happens again, get out of that marriage sooner rather than later.
2007-06-14 10:25:54 · answer #3 · answered by kathyw 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I presume that your husband has children with his ex and this is why they are still in touch. He either is or isn't telling the truth and without further discussion and more details its hard not to rush to a quick judgement.
You are the one that would know his character, I mean does he have a history of cheating on women he is in a relationship with, if so the chances are he is cheating on you.
If he doesn't, then perhaps you should try to sort this out. One way may be to show him how inappropriate it is to have any form of intimate discussion with someone else, even in jest.
Perhaps if you sent him an e mail thats written exactly the same as the one he wrote but is clearly from a female to a male requesting sexual favors, addressed it to one of your ex's but sent it to him, he would understand your pain and take your complaint seriously.I know he wouldn't like it, it would hurt him but it may also help him understand that he has to modify his relationship with his ex wife and conduct himself in a more appropriate way. E. G. only contact her to discuss the children, take you with him when he collects and drops the children off Etc Etc. Hope it helps, if he is cheating, get out now before you invest any more time.
2007-06-14 11:01:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
he has no right to even joke like that and maybe that's why she is an ex - Trust is something you earn and once its gone, its a tough thing to get back. I cannot say if he is cheating on you but can you imagine him finding an e-mail from you to an ex asking for a sexual favor????
he has one leg out the door and you have to decide whether to give him the boot or start a life of bullshit
2007-06-14 10:22:00 · answer #5 · answered by Frank L 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry you are heartbroken. It sounds to me like your husband is very immature. You do not joke about sex with your ex, much less ask for sexual favors. It is very hard to keep a relationship once the trust is gone, and I don't blame you for not trusting him because it sounds like he is cheating. Ask him: what if the ex says yes to his joke? also ask how would he like you to ask your ex for a sexual favor and what if your ex says yes? how would he feel? I am sorry but there is no excuse for his "joke" I would divorce him for being immature and confused before you catch him cheating. It sounds very disappointing and tacky to know he is talking to his ex about sex. It is a lack of respect towards you let him know you a re very disappointed and disrespected by that.
2007-06-14 10:34:38 · answer #6 · answered by laura 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not a very good joke eh?
If the trust is gone then you might as well leave him...if you don't have trust you don't have anything.
Sorry...I know it must be very painful for you, but I would not stay with someone I could not trust or who was asking for sexual favors from anyone even if they claimed it was a joke...you don't joke about stuff like that when you are married!
be cool...
2007-06-14 10:21:00 · answer #7 · answered by CC Babydoll 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you have only been married for 2 months, he should be paying you loads of attention instead of even thinking bout his ex. you have to separate the fact and the non-fact in this situation. The fact is that he sent that email. did he get any reply? try to find out (yourself). Then the non-fact is what he said. you know what they say about believing what people say. like in marvin gayes song, "i heard it through the grapevine"---you can't take what people say at face value, especially when he's been caught doing something that deceitful.
he may love you but it seems he doesn't respect you enough. If it was me i would decide to leave him, although it would be difficult at the time. you will find someone who wouldn't hurt you like this.
best wishes.
2007-06-14 10:44:53 · answer #8 · answered by Knowledge is Power. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He must be having trouble adjusting to married life. Not an excuse but it may help to understand why he'd do that. After only 2 months you might start to question if his behavior hadn't been going on longer. He is obviously untrustworthy but you did get married, and though it doesn't mean as much to people as it used to vows shouldn't be taken lightly. You two need to get into counseling and work through your issues. You may not even be aware of problems he's having and vice versa. You need to be able to talk through them calmly without aggravating the situation. You owe it to yourself to give it an honest try without running away. If you find it doesn't work out than at least you can move on without feeling you didn't do your best.
2007-06-14 10:35:28 · answer #9 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Other than this e-mail that appears to have you in a tizzy...what reason do you have to suspect that he's having an affair? Granted I think that asking for alittle oral action or whatever from your ex is out of line..I don't think that it quite constitutes infedility. In fact....conversation with your ex along those lines is probably not offensive at all to him/her, especially since you've been married before and its a sort of standing joke type request.
So..although yeah..i agree that it isn't really the most appropriate thing to do...I don't think it gives you cause for concern.
By the way....what are you doing snooping around his e-mails anyway? Don't tell me its because of this. There has to be more than one reason here.
2007-06-14 10:22:41 · answer #10 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋