Let me start by saying that I am a happily married woman. I recently ran into my high school boyfriend's mother in the grocery store and she told me he just got married. He and I are still friends and email and phone each other frequently. I have even met his new bride ( they have been together a while). My problem is that I can help but feel a little upset that he didn't tell me he was getting married. Not that I would have went to the wedding ( no matter how close that would just be strange). But we have been friends for 15 yrs and dated for 2 1/2. I don't know why this bother's me but it does. Am I over reacting or am I justified in being a little hurt?
2007-06-14 02:40:33 · 19 answers · asked by DEBBY'S BABY 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Since the two of you have been friends for 15 years, I am not surprised that you are feeling a bit hurt, and in my opinion, are perfectly justified! I don't think in this case it really matters that he was your high school sweetheart, he obviously stopped being that a long time ago, and became your friend. I know if one of my friends got married without telling me, I would also be a bit upset. He obviously had ( in his mind anyway) a good reason for not telling you, but I do think it was a bit mean. I am sure you would like your friendship to continue, and so I would speak to him about it, and explain, in the calmest way possible, how upset you were, otherwise it could do harm to a friendship which obviously means a lot to you.
2007-06-14 03:31:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He did not tell/invite you because it would have been weird and his bride may very well not have wanted any ex-girlfriends at her wedding. Did you invite your husbands ex-girlfriends to your wedding? Would you have wanted your husbands very good girl friend of 15 years and a history together sitting in one of the grooms rows?
It bothers you because even though you are married, you obviously have some feeling for him and his getting married is that statement that he is over you and able to move on. Kind of makes it officially that he is over you and even though you knew it was coming, knew it was over, him getting married makes it very definite. It is normal, don't be offended, and if you are a real friend, you will congratulate them, wish them the best and never bring any of your hurt up to him, her or them.
2007-06-14 10:06:37 · answer #2 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand the hurt feelings. But really don't let this bother you. It might be that the new wife didn't feel comforable with him telling you. She may have so pent up issues regarding you, even though she may never have said so. I know that when I got married to my soon to be ex now, I didn't want him telling his old girlfriends because I was afraid they would want to come and then I had to face his past, and I really didn't want that. Just take all of it with a grain of salt, and know that whatever the reason, he must have felt it was for the best at that moment.
2007-06-14 09:55:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are over reacting. It would have been very rude to his new wife to invite you. Any man inviting his ex to his wedding is a jerk and an idiot, That's wrong and a no no, the same goes for a married person keeping a friendship with any ex lover or fiance., that's asking for trouble.
Just take it as it is and move on.
2007-06-14 09:59:07 · answer #4 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its an inconsequential issue. If you would not have attended the wedding then what's the gripe? maybe...just maybe he didn't say anything because he may have thought you'd be offended when you didn't receive an invitation. That would be the male mindset in a situation like this.
So...stop mulling it over. Its a waste of your time. Move on and when you see him tell him "Hey...heard you got married..congrats and blah, blah, blah."
Then...let it go.
2007-06-14 09:45:12 · answer #5 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We all want to hang onto parts of our past, but this is definitely one you need to let go. Be happy for him and accept his decision not to tell you. I'm sure he had his reasons, but what ever they are, they no longer matter. You now are both happily married and still friends. Be happy with that.
2007-06-14 09:50:49 · answer #6 · answered by rosebud114 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think you are over reacting at all, of course you would be hurt! that is a big deal and since you still talk and email then he should have told you, maybe he is hurt that its not you he is marrying!! only if you two were not in contact would be the only reason he should not have told you
2007-06-14 09:52:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you weren't as close as you thought. Or perhaps he didn't want to put either of you in an awkward position. Seriously, if you are married and it's been years that you haven't been together, I don't see what the big deal is either. But men are from another planet...mars...and who knows what goes on in their heads.
2007-06-14 09:53:56 · answer #8 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you weren't going to go to the wedding....then why are you wasting your time.....Being bothered??? Maybe because deep down you are upset because he didn't marry you and now that he is married you can't wish him to Pine over you or rub your marriage in and feel vindicated in some way........
2007-06-14 09:45:46 · answer #9 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
which is he's not your friend he was suppose to tell u . so what's the meaning of the word friend ? i just put myself in ur position , and i don't understand either how come he did'nt tell u as his friend i'm just confused just like u... and if i were u i wasn't gonna ask him to show that i can be selfish too . for me u not over reacting coz u know what friend means , just ignore the part that he's married till he tells u. i just don't like him , as ur friend
2007-06-14 10:00:39 · answer #10 · answered by tototo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋