My husband ignores me a lot, is addicted to video games, masterbates/ looks at porn sometimes (and lies about it), only has sex with me maybe once/twice a week, doesn't open up or talk to me. I feel like all I do is complain, or remain silent with all my needs unmet. I'm starting to resent marrying him.
I've given up alot, moved everywhere his job has taken him (even overseas). I have two children 2 yrs and 1 yr. I want them to have a good example for a father and marital relationship. I feel like we are just roommates that have sex once in awhile.
I talk to him about it nicely, and complain, nothing is working. I feel like nothing will change.
By the way- (jerks) I'm not ugly or overweight, or a b*tch
2007-06-14 02:24:31 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well i would talk to him and if he still doesn't acknowledge you leave the **** also think about your kids!
2007-06-14 02:29:20 · answer #1 · answered by WereYouExpectUsToGoWhenBombsFall 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Why is it that when the road gets bumpy everyone wants to leave? A marriage is a challenge everyday! Stick it out the rewards later in life are great. Sounds like you haven't been married very long, so talk it over. If it works, good if it doesn't, try to play video games with him. Get the kids involved in the games. Try being the aggressor when it comes to sex. (By the way once or twice a week is the norm for most married adults.)
2007-06-14 02:37:15 · answer #2 · answered by blahh2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm guessing that he's young. I an 29 y/o and I go through some days that I want to play my video games. But the reality of it is he has to break out of this cycle. Tell him if he doesn't know that there other obligations that need to be tended to. I have gone through this and I have knocked down my playing time to like once a month. I'll go on a playing binge for a whole day, but then again I make sure that there is nothing else that needs to be tended to. No it is not a reason to split or anything like that.
2007-06-14 02:35:01 · answer #3 · answered by The Gooch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What would you rather he be doing hon? Marriage is not all romance it is life. You get up get ready for work, go to work, come home & have dinner, relax, watch tv or work on some hobbies or projects(some men fish, hunt, bowl, some watch sports, some work on the house while others play video games, surf the net.....)What did he used to do in his spare time? When I get home from work I may need to run to the store, or want to plant some flowers or do yard work, I would hate to think that we could not each do our own thing after work or maybe even sometime do what we need to do together. I would not want to think that I had to sit & entertain him all nite instead of doing what I like or need to do to relax & still get things done.
Talk to him about what you expect, he cannot read your mind. He will never know what you want or expect if you don't tell him straight out-draw a picture of it for him.
Also find some hobbies for yourself around the house. If you don't already have more than 1 tv get one so he can play his games & the other tv is still free for you and the kids. Or maybe you could learn some of the games he plays and play with him. You have to give to get.
Sex is not as exciting usually as it is before since it is there every nite so you relax and get it when the mood is right for both. I am just saying that after marriage sex will relax a little.
Alot of men watch porn & today with computers look at porn online. Everyone has their own opinion on porn but I myself like it. Not all the time. Alot of women also will not come right out and admit that either. I gotta say tho before I had really watched it I thought it was weird or something was wrong with men who watched it, but I tried it & it turned me on too. I was not fantasizing about the men so it was nothing against my husband-same for him-just because a man watches porn does not mean he is cheating or wants other women. Men are visual women are emotional. If he watches porn it does not belittle you at all. It primes him for you. It would be no different than if you and a group of girl friends went to a clean male stripper show like girls do for a bachlorette party. It excites you, makes you want it. So next time he is watching porn, join him, you might even learn a few new tricks to spice things up in the bedroom. Good luck & have fun with life.
2007-06-14 02:48:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, those are not reasons to separate or divorce. I recommend you start tending more to your own needs. Since he won't communicate with you, start socializing with friends. Go visit friends and have a girls' night out once a week or so. Be sure always to leave the kids with their daddy when you do so that he will have an opportunity to bond with them.
You know the expression, "Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies"? Stop asking him about porn and he'll stop lying to you about it. Easy.
As for the inadequate sex part, the solution might be as simple as asking for sex at the time when you want it. When you're horny, tell him, and ask him to go to bed with you right then. This will probably work better than you think. If you give that a real effort and it does not work, let masturbation become your friend. Buy yourself some nice toys you can play with and plenty of extra batteries.
Once you start tending better to your own needs, your focus won't be so negative toward your husband and you'll be able to go back to appreciating him for the qualities that made you want to marry him in the first place.
2007-06-14 02:34:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
This is not a reason to separate or divorce ....yet. This is a call for some major counseleing. He needs an independant throd party to explain how is behavior is affecting other people...namely you and the kids...
Counseling is the starting point...a willingness to be open to change is paramount..dont play the separate / divorce card yet...but if nothing changes after a real effort, then move forward
2007-06-14 03:00:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though the two of you each have a different way you express love. May I suggest to you reading a book called "the Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It helped out our relationship alot. We learned about each others needs for love and how each of us express love and show love differently.
2007-06-14 02:40:14 · answer #7 · answered by *star chick* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try and talk to him and see what's going on with him and let him know how you are feeling. You should also try marriage counseling before making any decision of ending your marriage. Many times our spouses don't see or realize what they are doing until an unbiased outside party gets involved.
2007-06-14 02:38:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in almost the exact situation only mine is worse. my wife has cybersexed (and i cought her) and lying to me a lot. I'm just as confused as you are but i want to see these responses cuz i'm in a similar situation.
2007-06-14 02:49:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your lucky I am lucky to get it once a month!!!
And I am not ugly either, thats mariage I guess.
2007-06-14 04:40:20 · answer #10 · answered by marygold2012 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no these are not reasons to separate. Talk to him. try counselling. take away his video games.
2007-06-14 03:14:01 · answer #11 · answered by krazyslick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋