Dana Leven glanced up from her notes to the young girl sitting quietly in the waiting room. Her name was Chloe Howard and her file read that she would be fifteen in three weeks. Dana contemplated this, the girl looked little older than ten or eleven. She was small and slight and had long strawberry blonde curls reaching all the way down her back.
Sensing she was being watched, Chloe looked up towards where Dana was standing. Her face was one of the most beautiful yet haunting things Dana had ever seen; her skin was ghostly pale almost translucent, with a light dusting of freckles over her porcelain doll features. But it was her harrowing silvery blue eyes that struck Dana most; seemingly staring right through her, they were over spilling with confusion and unanswered questions.
Realising the girl was waiting for her to say something, Dana shook herself out of her daydream, and gestured to her office,
“Would you like to come this way Chloe?”
The girl opened her mouth to answer but seemed to have trouble forming a reply. Dana smiled sympathetically and gestured again. Slowly, Chloe rose from the leather couch and walked towards the open door. The plaque read “Ms Dana Leven, Psychotherapist” Chloe let the word roll off her tongue like honey, her whole body began shaking uncontrollably, and erupted into huge sobs that made her tiny frame shudder. Screwing her fisted hands into her eyes, she watched the world around her turn slowly to black. Feeling the psychotherapists arms close firmly around her she cried out, hitting and screaming, until her whole body became drained of energy and she stopped fighting, letting herself be held.
“I, I didn’t do what they said I did” she stammered into Dana’s shoulder, “It wasn’t me. I didn’t kill anyone. It, it wasn’t me.”
2007-06-14 02:12:46 · 13 answers · asked by Antonia 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
thanks for all the response
this is a small sample of something i've been writing. i just wanted to see what other people thought, as i've had friends and family read some bits and although their comments have been positive, i wanted to see what people thought who didn't know me. i think the biggest problem i have is that i'm only 17 and still in school and i reckon publishers won't really take me seriously, even though i'm would really like a career in writing. thanks again for the response both positive and negative, it really helped =]
2007-06-14 05:05:22 · update #1
Yeah, Y/A isn't a publishing company, peddle your crap book elsewhere
2007-06-14 02:15:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
I'm a writer also and I know that it's like to get constructive criticism.
I think this is written very well...the details are great! Maybe you want to get a little MORE detailed, though. Like, describe what Dana or Chloe is feeling. When I write, I love to use metephors and similies. Try some of those.
This is on it's way to being a very good story! Please finish and when it gets published, let us all know!!!!!
2007-06-14 02:20:35 · answer #2 · answered by Shelley 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm undecided what it particularly is. it particularly is a sprint perplexing to me. i'm no longer likely to declare it particularly is a foul poem--yet i think of it desires some rationalization approximately what you're speaking approximately. i presumed at one time it replaced into speaking some cat chasing a mouse then no--i do no longer understand.
2016-10-07 12:05:20 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad. It was an easy read and was clearly proofread, thats always helpul. Good Luck with your submissions.
2007-06-14 02:17:47 · answer #4 · answered by Dani 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
keep up your dreams, you may have something here. and you're not too young. if you have talent, it doesnt matter. just look at the author of eragon. i believe he was only a teen as well.
2007-06-14 12:10:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I want to read some more....I loved the way you described everything...If you wrote this, you've got talent!!!
2007-06-14 02:27:58 · answer #6 · answered by Jenni Lynn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i thought that what you wrote was great except for the 1st paragraph...but overall i felt that the rest was really interesting. is it out in print yet???
i hope this helps!
2007-06-14 03:15:40 · answer #7 · answered by max 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
did you write this???I think it's very good! I was riveted and was hoping it was going to go on! Keep working on it, you have a future in writing! good luck!
2007-06-14 02:17:57 · answer #8 · answered by lee 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So, when's it being published, and where can I get it? You've got real talent.
2007-06-14 02:16:43 · answer #9 · answered by 47 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Who is this about? It is sad and troubling
2007-06-14 02:18:27 · answer #10 · answered by moondego 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋