She continues to harass me. On the phone she calls me names and threatens me. She tried to bring me to court on every small concern like whether I can take the kids on vacation. Last night I had my daughter's awards ceremony and she had me served in front of my two boys who were with me because she does not want me to take the kids on vacation. She is relentless and wears me out with her actions. I have basically begged her to stop and let's move on in peace. Needless to say she will not even listen to me. It is effecting my kids and my health as well. What else can I do?
2007-06-14 01:04:30 · 17 answers · asked by paco 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
get an attorney, and a girlfriend...the attorney can take care of the legal stuff, and have papers stating all the rules/orders, the girlfriend can kick her @$$
2007-06-14 01:59:05 · answer #1 · answered by poodle mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Going through divorce is a terrible time for all concerned! Of course the children are used a lot to get to the other person. Children also use such time to get the attention from either parent.
If you were the one to leave her and you left her for another woman who is still around when you want to take the children to a vacation with your new love, then it would be hard for her to come to grips with any of that and feel happy about it. ..however I'm only guessing here, you are not giving enough information as to why she would be so angry-unless such situation exists.
Whatever your situation, you owe to sit down and talk with her calmly just the two of you, and bypass her anger.
Tell her that she is an important part of your life. Perhaps she feels threatened that she may lose the children to you emotionally, and she's already lost you, so that would be threatening, and would feel as tossed away. Try to be sensitive (if you can) to how she feels and make her feel that she's part of your life, for she is the mother of your children and hence you'll always share something valuable together, with the good parts of the marriage.
That much anger, there is a reason for it. Rather then feel and address it with anger or defensiveness or act a victim, seat and talk with her, and make her feel valuable and recreate some trust. It is certainly not nice to be in such a situation, but taking a fearfull position where she feels almighty powerfull due to the children and you acting wounded, blaming and accusing one another, or aggressiveness back and forth, will not come to happy endings.
Only communication, understanding and cooperation will get things moving and get the trust back in when too much has happened to destroy it! Pay the attention to her when you talk, not the children at first. Once she trust you she won't object, though it takes time and it would be one step forward and two back. Maybe ask to talk with her over dinner at a restaurant. Nice things don't have to end due to divorce.
You'd have to be seeing each other for the rest of your lives due to the children so why not try to put aside her reactiveness and address her in a different way. It may turn things around! Good luck!! You need it!!
2007-06-14 02:04:51 · answer #2 · answered by Mo_Az7>Vs/ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is document all behavior that you find inappropriate. Also try to keep evidence of such behavior, if there are emails or other things that you could prove in a court.
I hope that you are refusing to argue with her. Stick to the facts, don't raise your voice, don't show that you are emotionally affected by what she says or does, and limit your contact with her to the necessities of sharing the children. Ignore attempts on her part to change the subject matter to anything but the children.
If it continues relentlessly, you may want to hire a lawyer to discuss options. If the children are affected greatly by this, you may go as far as to file a custody suit.
Sit back quietly and let her incriminate herself if she is really outside the bounds of acceptable behavior. You just keep documenting it until you are ready to take it to the court.
Contact a lawyer right away on the legality of recording those phone calls.
2007-06-14 01:22:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time she calls and harrasses you just tell her you don't have to tolerate this and hang up on her!! Maybe you should take the vacation without the kids!! see if she can stop you from that!! If she dosen't listen to you, then you don't have to listen to her. If it gets really bad,I'd get a restraining order put on her, she's an ex and that's probably why!! Sounds like she's a bit selfish and jealous, if she does'nt let you take the kids on vacation (probably it's because she can't go so she does'nt want the kids to go, how selfish!!) Hope you find someone new eventually, that can answer the phone for you.
2007-06-14 02:21:19 · answer #4 · answered by 24Special 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say file charges on her for harassment after she is arrested take her to court and prove that she is mentally unstable and is not fit to be around your children and have the judge order her some type of counseling to help her deal with the divorce. As long as you are a good father and provide for your children then you should not have a problem proving to a judge who is the fit and unfit parent. It sounds like there was something that really angered her about the divorce or she was a physco when u married her..... I mean why did she sign the divorce papers if she had no intentions of leaving you alone?
2007-06-14 01:24:09 · answer #5 · answered by HelloPeeps 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Writing down a conversation will do little good. It will be her word against yours, and she will deny it. Witnesses do little good, if they are friends of yours. Recording is the only way to prove what she does, but it is illegal if you do not inform her at the start the coversation is being recorded.
My ex used to do this. Per my attorney's instruction, I would answer the phone and say. This conversation will be recorded, by remaining on the line you are giving consent to this. If you do not consent, please hang up now. Of course he'd say "No you don't have my consent", then I would hang up. After a while, he just gave up. I used 2 phones (one cordless). Would turn the recorder on, lift up the corded phone and put the mic there, then say hello on the cordless. The recording wasn't real clear, but he didn't know that. :) You could do the same thing in public with an MP3 player. Good luck.
2007-06-14 01:28:36 · answer #6 · answered by J M 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's sad when you hear about things like this, sounds to me like she never got over the fact that you two didn't work out, btu she should thank her lucky stars that your willing to see your kids and take them places and spend time with them, alot of men when they split up just take off and thats it, so sounds to me like she is being very unappreciative, i'd go talk to a lawyer about this if I was you, men do have rights as well, and sounds to me like she is harrassing you and thats not right for you or the kids, that's about the only thing you can do if she won't listen and try to make this work, go talk to a lawyer or someone about this....hope everything works out
2007-06-14 01:13:54 · answer #7 · answered by Nita and Michael 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Record every conversation she has with you and what she says. Note the date and time she makes the phone calls, and write down what she says. If you see her in public, and she makes a comment to you out of the way, write it down, the date and the time. It would show a pattern of how she is harassing you and you would be able to get that stopped. She is hoping to wear you down before you realize what she is really doing.
2007-06-14 01:18:56 · answer #8 · answered by cinnatigg 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Document, document, document and then go to your attorney. It's a shame that she can't see how she is harming her children. She is so focused on you she has forgotten that they are most important. But this will also be an important factor to bring to your attorney. If her actions continue you may be able to get full custody.
2007-06-14 01:36:30 · answer #9 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to call Tony Soprano and have her taken care of. Note: JOKE OF COURSE!
That sucks bro. I went thru that with an X. She won't leave you alone until she gets her own life squared away with a new man and is happy.
2007-06-14 02:30:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
o.k. first off, do NOT record any conversations and do NOT return the anger.
Now that you are in the correct position legally, you need to answer a few questions.
First, in what state (if in the U.S.) do you live?
Second, is this vacation you are planning on your court ordered visitation period and if so, is it out of the country?
Answer these questions and I'll give you some LEGAL advice.
2007-06-14 02:28:26 · answer #11 · answered by hexeliebe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋