my STB Ex-Husband NEVER drinks. in 8 years, i saw him get drunk once when we were 16, and i've seen him have a random beer followed by tea MAYBE 4 times. His dad is an alcoholic, and he always said 1) i HATE the feeling of being drunk, and 2) i never want to be like my dad.
Him and his girlfriend went out of town last weekend, and pictures of them have surfaced, and in them, he is beyond drunk. he looks as if he's ready to puke, he's so drunk.
dont start telling me to not care and to move on. i dont care what anyone thinks, i do still care for him. that's simply my personality, dont put me down for that. I AM concerned as to why he suddenly would drink himself to oblivious after 8 years of hating to drink at all. it wouldn't bother me if he did this from time to time, but he just DOESN'T! why would he suddenly do this? does divorce do this to some people????
2007-06-14 00:52:11 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he left me for this other girl
2007-06-14 01:47:20 · update #1
It is a traumatic time in his life, no matter who initiated the divorce. He is dealing with it by drinking and numbing himself. It is natural for you to be concerned about him, you know him better than anyone. It also must be hard for you to see pictures of your ex with his girlfriend, no matter how much you have moved on. You are a good person for caring. There is not much you can do about it, he has to work through his grief over his failed marriage. You can be there for him as his friend and give advice, but the bottom line is that he is an adult and will have to deal with his feelings eventually. Good luck to you:)
2007-06-14 01:01:08 · answer #1 · answered by casey308 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People make some very critical decisions during major life changes, and especially the time surrounding divorce.
Acting out is not uncommon. There are new freedoms, but there is also constant pain that they are trying to escape at least part of the time. Combine those freedoms and pain, and you can see why alcohol is often choosen as a method of acting on both. People often also desire to "rewrite" their personality now that they are cast off into the world free of previous limitations and definitions.
But he's a big boy now and on his own again. There's little you can do if he acts out so much that he makes some horrible choices. He may get very drunk and sick once, or he may fall into a pattern of drinking for years. It's really up to him to realize if his new lifestyle is a destructive one.
2007-06-14 01:13:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't that you have to give up caring but recognize that people handle cataclysmic changes in their lives differently. It may not be what you would like to see happen. You weren't specific about the reasons for your divorce or which of you made the decision so it's hard to know why else he might be drinking more.
2007-06-14 01:44:33 · answer #3 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually yes this could be his way of trying to mask the pain of divorce...same as the girlfriend he has...she may just be another way of masking pain and trying to move on. My ex husband was the same way never drank,smoked or went to clubs....as soon as I filed for divorce due to him cheating, he started to get completely wasted every chance he had, started smoking and slept around like crazy...I wouldn't be surprised if he has an STD.
I don't understand it but that is how he "handled" being divorced.
2007-06-14 00:57:52 · answer #4 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It may have been a random occurance; see if he does it again in the near future. If he does, he may be on his way to a pattern.
But don't fly off the handle on this incident. Plus, send an email to his current GF explaining your concern of his family history with alcohol; I think if you try to talk to her, she will take it as you "butting in" to their relationship, and you can't let go. I suggest an email.
2007-06-14 01:25:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I was going through my divorce I got trashed very often. The door was open to leave but I had great trouble accepting that fact that he marriage was done and that I had failed in it.
In times of great stress people can act pretty bizarre.
2007-06-14 17:36:00 · answer #6 · answered by Mr. Ed 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I HATE the feeling of being drunk, and 2) i never want to be like my dad.
I made those same statements myself at one time.
I have been sober for the last ten years thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous.
2007-06-14 01:17:01 · answer #7 · answered by superspiker69 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, so much for what he "told you" and so much for "wedding vows". No surprise to me, looks like another case of "like father, like son".
Have you started a college fund for your daughter yet?
I like SuperSpiker69's response above.
2007-06-14 13:13:24 · answer #8 · answered by Gerry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's probably a result of the stress that you've caused him, combining with the freedom of not having to deal with you anymore. I was never a big drinker, but I started having a good time and getting sh*t faced when I dumped my old lady.
2007-06-14 01:01:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋