My friend from high school is getting married on Saturday, about 2 hours drive away. I havent really seen anythin of her since we left school 7 years ago, but keep in touch with the odd text on birthdays and xmas. The thing is my fiance and I cant go as we cant afford it, we booked the hotel with the intention of going but cant, Ive cancelled the hotel and now I dont know what to say to my friend. I cant tell her the truth as I dont want people knowing how skint I am. Help please?!
I know honesty is the best policy, but telling the truth in this situation is not good!
2007-06-12 21:58:29 · 33 answers · asked by Happy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
theres no need to be so mean, but when you dont have enough money and dont want any one to know about it its not easy, i thought we would have enough, but having to buy new outfit, pay for the hotel, petrol in the car, a gift for them both and drinks later on in the evening, it all adds up, i know i should tell the truth but i cant, its not in me to lie but i have NO money!
2007-06-12 22:07:19 · update #1
they asked for cash, which sadly I dont have!!
2007-06-12 22:08:56 · update #2
Another thing I didnt mention is that I will only know her, and her mum and dad and one guy! This guy has a thing for me, and I done feel confortable around him, especially with my fiance being there! My finace knows no one at all! Wont be very comfortable for either of us.
2007-06-12 22:30:03 · update #3
rrr most of you lot are being mean to her give her a brake ! she already said she aint seen her since school and that they only txt sooo i dont see what the big deal is! is she cant afford it then its tuff !
sorry! right i went to my best friends birthday party a few years ago.not the same as a wedding but i hadnt seen her for years...so anyway when i got there it was all kisses and hugs and hello how you been...then she just went off and i was left there on my own! and to be honest i wish i never went...and make some exscuse that i couldnt make it and that we could meet up 1 day just the 2 of us ya know to catch up and all that...so i think do whatever you thinks best !
2007-06-12 22:13:41 · answer #1 · answered by shelley_32 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I haven't been in that position, but I must say I've always wondered why is it such an issue - attending a wedding reception without a chaperon. You're probably going to be seated at a table with other single people where you will all get drunk and have the most fun. Also, there's always a chance of meeting someone new and interesting at a gathering where you don't know many people. In the end, if you really feel uncomfortable going, call and pretend you have swine flu and act like you are reluctant whether to come to the wedding or not. When in the end you decide it's better for everyone's sake that you stay at home, they will be relieved.
2016-05-19 00:17:08 · answer #2 · answered by randee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how good friends you were, but if they live only 2 hours away, and it's been 7 years since you saw each other, I guess you weren't THAT close, so I don't think honesty is the best policy here ... it's nice of her to have called, and you should be polite too, and call her, but think of nice white lie ... a car broke down, you have to work over weekend, a close relative from Australia is coming for visit ... just anything ... don't make a big fuss about it, too BIG reason might make her see right through you ... and then she'll be offended (because you're lying) or she'll insist to find out the real reason, and if you say that it's because you're ... well ... broke, she might get the impression that it's her duty to pay for your stay, and I'm sure you don't want that (if you did, you wouldn't be asking this question here).
It would be nice if you could send her some little wedding gift, nothing much, just to show that you care ... and do mention that you would like to see her some time soon, and make sure you stay in touch ...
hey, you keep elaborating! why are you tormenting yourself with this!? if you can't go, you can't go, and that's OK!!!!
and now you gave an other reason why you don't want to go (don't use it to explain why you can't come, because your friend fill have all the right in the world to say "what is more important to you? being here for me, or avoiding a bit of unpleasantness?" ... )
call her .. now .. get it off your chest, and make a plan how to spend a nice weekend with your boyfriend, doing something nice! concentrate on that!
2007-06-12 22:14:29 · answer #3 · answered by tricky 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't cancel on her now, you will mess up her seating plan. You've not been through the drama of organising a wedding and believe me...it is a drama! She invited you because she wants you there. If you weren't going to go you should have not accepted the invitation. People understand that. It is very bad manners to cancel at the last minute without a really good reason. Two hours is not that long a drive. Just drive there, attend the wedding, wish the happy couple good luck and drive home again. You don't have to stay for all the partying and all you will have to pay for is four hours worth of petrol.
2007-06-12 22:09:34 · answer #4 · answered by charlotte e 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just be honest and explain ur situation, I know u dont want people to know ur financial situation but as u only speak to her twice a year anyway she wone tell anyone and im sure shell understand. If u dont wana tell her then go and drive back after the reception. Dont use other people as an excuse to get out of things. My brother once used me as an excuse to pull a sickie at work, the next day I was nearly hospitalised with a bad kidney infection! Since then Ill never use others as an excuse, too much bad Karma out there! Good luck with it all.
2007-06-12 22:38:35 · answer #5 · answered by dartht1973 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just say you can't go and explain why if necessary.
And it's no big shame to be skint - she won't think any the less of you if she is a real friend.
If you think it is such a big deal , then you've either got your priorities in life skewed, are too self conscious or are an extremely shallow person. Am hoping it's reason two, but that's still no justification.
p.s. and a thumbs up for raftart - don't understand why people think what you're saying is wrong.
2007-06-12 23:13:07 · answer #6 · answered by . 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My sister is getting married next month. She is 200 miles away and I am unable to afford the travel, b&b, gifts and other expenses that will be incurred as I also need to bring my little boy so costs are doubled. I can't drive and need to arrive in time for a late afternoon wedding. I had to tell her last week that I am unable to attend and will send a gift in my place. It broke my heart. If your friend loves you, tell her the truth. She will understand. If she doesn't, she obviously is only counting numbers and wants to make a show of her "big day"! Please don't worry. Weddings are a huge cause of conflict and really aren't worth it in the years after the event has ended.
2007-06-12 22:20:06 · answer #7 · answered by Pixxxie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I certainly empathise with you, I regard wedding invitations as unwelcome demands on both time and money.
These are a bit weak and there use will depend on how many of your close acquaintances will be at the wedding.
1. Fiance unable to avoid working without prejudicing his employment prospects.
2. You refused to go to wedding of your fiance's friend and now he has taken a similar line with your friend.
3. Shroud the truth by saying that a very serious financial problem has arisen and you must be very careful until it can be quantified. Refuse to talk about it and appear very upset.
Do not invent sickness or death as fate has a habit of turning such lies into truth.
Good Luck
2007-06-12 22:21:27 · answer #8 · answered by Clive 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you speak truthfully to your friend, and although she will be disappointed that you can't be there on her day, she should understand.
Candour or frankness is best. The old saying the truth will out will happen sooner or later otherwise.
She will be so wrapped up in the wedding day anyway that after the initial disappointment she will still be your friend....and will probably send you a piece of cake!
Don't make up a story, don't lie.......you won't get the cake if she finds out!
You could always drive there and back in one day though. 2 hours is not too far away.
2007-06-12 22:08:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anoni M 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You've left it a bit late, you really shouldn't have accepted the invitation if you aren't really that close.
She'll probably be really stressed anyway and you are going to muck up her seating plan to add to her stress, so I would take your own advice and be honest with her, there is no easy way - Good Luck!
Presumably you have had the invitation for a while - why didn't you save ?
With regards to this 'other man' I suspect you knew he would be invited - so why worry now? Your fiancee will have to accept he doesn't know anyone, I've lost count of the amount of wedding parties I've been to which are friends of my husbands and I have hardly known a soul, that's the way it is at weddings!
2007-06-12 22:03:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋