do u like my newest poem?

Question

Go out down to the corner.
Look at the sign its now suicide corner.
Blood is all around,
Up and down.
The street lamp burns a hole through my heart,
And my pain begins to start.
I crawl around searching for the hospital.
When I get there it’s burning down,
To the ground.
I desperately search for my house that once stood.
I find it there but its not standing,
in the air.
tell me wot u like and dislike. bear in mind im bullied and i was really upset when this wrote. im ok now. im 14

Answer 1

i think the first 4 lines of your poem appear to indicate a search for the source to your pain. (a deep corner of your inner world).
the line the "streetlamp burns a hole through my heart" is a literal expression of how painful life is/was when you wrote the poem. feels to me that you are trying to communicate and convey to others what being/living is for you. the words relating to fire - "burns" "burning" in one sense feel to me they relate to the intensity of pain, but in another sense could be feelings of anger/passion being used creatively within your poems in a positive way.
"i desperately search for my house that once stood" - are you telling us, that you are looking for yourself in happier times (your house being a symbol of you)? The poem feels to me like it ends with an air of hope that you are still here. im sad you were bullied, seneca (a roman philosopher AD 65) wrote "gold is tempered by fire" hold that with you. my personal opinion is you are already showing signs of being gold (or something precious). Keep writing its good for you!!!

Answer 2

Yes it's very good (it's excellent for a 14 year old) I'm not so sure about the "wot u" rather than what you though.

If you have several poems then you should try to find a publisher. Ask your head of English, as there are lots of independent publishers around.

Who knows! Today a teenager, in 2025 Poet Laureate.

Answer 3

Wow, this is fantastic. You are very talented and should be proud of yourself.

I to was bullied at school, so I know exactly how you feel. I know it seems impossible but you have to believe that you are better than the bullies. Inevitably bullies will always look for an easy target, simply because its a quick way of making themselves feel better about themselves. You need to be able to pity them in that way- they have to make you feel small so that they can feel big- how sad is that?!?

Answer 4

Wow! You are only 14 and you wrote this? that's awesome, keep up the good work, you have a bright future in front of you but try to write some happy and romantic poems too, because that would cheer us up.
Thanks.

Answer 5

I like it. Sad. Born out of despair. But on the other hand, you really need to talk to someone. If you do that, then the despair will lift. A problem shared is not a problem at all. You can write. Maybe soon you can write of overcoming, of joy and peace.

Answer 6

Another fab poem Tattybow, I love your works. I've read every one of them so far and liked them all.
Tell those bullies to leave you alone, or I'll be round with the lads.

Answer 7

that was very nice i see your trying for the dark side.
Tell me what you think of this one.


Holding power from god’s tower
and wounds spreading fire
liars, welcome to this land of pain
I’m getting higher.. higher and higher
getting higher by your fire
in the Nile, I see you naked like a whore
calling the gods to the war
the story teller spoke
telling lies in the dome of achtar
dragging minds to this city
speaking the truth of lie
reading to us from the divine book

conspiracy was made before men
to pervert the world with temptations
hail.. hail..
across the dreams
we are burdened
stand up before me now so I may bless you
give me your cheek so I may kiss you
is this the wings you were flying with?
Is this the life you were crawling for?

Beneath me lies my hell
beneath me there’s a dark well
and if you crack the sky open
hoping for salvation to come
I beg you to spear for us the limbo to dwell

we wait, always, we wait
wait and wait..

Answer 8

disturbing, and sad, but that was how you were feeling at the time, and you put it into words very well. Glad you're ok now, but if you feel bad again for any reason, please talk to someone ...parent/relative/teacher...my daughter is 14, and i would hate to think she would be feeling like this.

keep happy x

Answer 9

A good poem. I feel for you, it's a great shame that someone your age has to even think of writing a poem as dark as that.

Well at least you are ok.

:)

Answer 10

it tells me that you could find no serenity anywhere. places that should have felt safe, just werent, and the pain continued. very well written, keep it up.