Is my wife having or about to have an affair?

Question

I think my wife is about to have an affair. I was looking for an account number in her personal email, when I noticed several emails from the same person. By reading the emails (I know this is wrong), it appeared she was trying to meet with an old classmate from classmates.com. We communicate about everything. Not This.

Answer 1

I'm kind of harsh on the whole "cheating" thing, but in my opinion, if you feel you need to keep quiet about something, or lie about something, then your cheating. You should never allow yourself to be in a position where rumors or these kind of thoughts should even be possible to arise. If she didn't tell you about making plans to meet him, then she's not going to tell you when she does, and that's the same as lying. In my book, that's cheating. Cheating has nothing to do with sex. It's mental. Though how you found out may have been wrong in some people's opinion, the fact is it's bad. Even if they're just having lunch. It's a secret, and secrets are nothing but trouble. Personally, I think you reading her email is not "bad". I think there shouldn't be anything in there that you can't read. (unless it's right before christmas, your b-day, or ann.) Other than gifts, there should be no secrets. I feel bad saying it, but I think that's a really bad sign.

Answer 2

I think she's just thinking about her old classmates and trying to relive her younger days, she probably trying to spark up some new things because she's bored and if you know that you have a funny feeling about this I would first, talk to her about it because remember you and your wife talks about everything. second i would try and rekindle what you guys used to do or have. Bring that spark back into the marriage, so that she doesn't think about having an affair. Marriage needs that every now and then. Flowers, romantic dinner, board games, dominoes, cooking together, going to the movies, walking on the beach, go to the park, etc.. Do the things that you know that she liked about you in the beginning. She's hasn't done anything yet, so do something before something happens. Another thing I feel if she knows that you look for account numbers or whatever on the emails, if she were trying to hide anything from you she would have erased all of those emails from the same person, don't cha think

Answer 3

Do not confront your wife until you have some kind of proof that she is cheating or thinking of cheating. I understand that it is very upsetting for you, but at a time like this you may not be thinking rationally. There are many other signs besides emails that will show you if there is a chance she is cheating or considering cheating. Look for the signs here are just a few:
1. You are suspicious.
2. A sudden change in routine and habits (i.e., leaving to and returning from work; starting or stopping activities, grooming and showering).
3. Sudden secretiveness (i.e., no longer shares information about routine or whereabouts).
4. A change in interests such as food, music, activities, fragrance or clothing.
5. A sudden interest in his/her own appearance (i.e., begins exercise program, loses weight, change in hairstyle, clothing)
6. A change in mood – either becoming more outgoing and happier or more reclusive and silent
7. More secretive about money spending – credit card statements are no longer around or if found, there are a number of unexplained charges particularly to restaurants or hotels.
8. An increase in private phone calls particularly on cell phone.
9. Sudden increase in the number of “hang-up” calls on your residence telephone line.
10. Unknown telephone number repeatedly showing upon on spouse's cell phone “call display”.
11. An increase in the amount of time being spent on the internet in a room with the door closed.
12. An unfamiliar fragrance scent is repeatedly found on spouse.
13. A sudden disinterest in sexual relations.
14. A sudden interest in taking vacations without you.
15. A sudden disinterest in making investments for the future.

Answer 4

Yikes! Was the content of the email' flirtatious or filled with ineundo? Did it seem like they were looking to rekindle something? Did she mention you, and if so, in what way (i.e. in passing, disapproving, negative, positive...)? Did she say she was married? Did she talk about kids (if you have them)?

I know that I have posed a lot of questions, but if the answer to all of them in NO, well then you have a right to be upset and a reason to be suspicious...Now, how to go about bringing it up: IF your reason for going in her email (as you claim), well, then you did accidentally find out. You had no reason to distrust her until now. So, if this is the case, and you feel as though you do communicate then you should bring it up just have you have here: "So, I was looking for an account number, and I saw that you were corresponding "so and so"..." watch her reaction very carefully, see if she will explain immediately, or see if you will have to inquire further...if she is silent, then ask, "You know I have never had any reason to mistrust you (if this indeed true), should I be concerned" OR "Is there something I should know?" "Are you unhappy in our marriage"...

However, IF the emails with the classmate is benign or borderline...is it possible to accidentally show up at the meeting, OR is there anyway you to causally mention it into conversation...?

I don't know, I think you are better off being honest with her...As long as she knows that you have always had access to her email, and/OR that you knew her password then what you did was only partially wrong...I think in this case the ends justify the means (in my opinion--Ive checked emails and found things I didn't like--we broke up...).

I certainly hope that you can work it out. IF not with her than with yourself. You deserve better if she is in fact not being honest w/ you...

Answer 5

She's more than likely not even thinking about any affair, but she might be curious about her friend from the past and just wants to catch up and see how he's doing. Since you are obviously a suspicious type, she probably knows telling you would get your shorts in a lather, which is exactly what just happened. Sorry but you should trust her enough not to snoop through her email.

Answer 6

It all depends on if you trust he r. Dont jump to assumptions, But if she doesnt mention it. Keep cheking her emails just in case they meet up you can confront her. But first and foremost Trickle in hits on the subject to see if she will let you in. Say stuff like "Yeah I love the internet it's a cool place, Friends can keep in touch even if they cant see each other in person". See if she tells you if not. Tkae some time off and investigate. Or call cheaters

Dont let her know you read her email. She'll use that as an excuse like " I dont have any privacy". To get off the subject

Answer 7

Just bc she didnt say anything to you doesnt mean its shady. The content of the emails should tip you off as to the nature of the meeting. Planned affair or not though, it seems that your wife feels she cant be open with you. Have a calm talk. good-luck.

Answer 8

Yes you should confront her on this one before it is too late. I have read many many similar stories where people check out ex boyfriends from there past and think that they will be better than their present partner, which after the excitement dies down, usually isn't the case. Lots of needless break ups happen that way. Admit to having seen her emails and tell her your concerns.

Answer 9

A good way to find out is to download a program that records her every move on the computer. Keylogger is the program I used. It records anything they type, websites they visit, passwords, instant messages, chat, etc. You can download a free 7 day trial version. That should be long enough to tell you something.

You can download it from Downloads.com

Good Luck and I will pray that you are wrong!

Answer 10

No you are overreacting. Finding an old school friend is a lot of fun and very exciting even if it is male. You may find that her old boyfriend or just friend has not turned out the best and all your worrying was for nothing. Let her enjoy the fun. Only start to worry if she wants to continue to meet this old school friend.