Should I give in to a conditional relationship with my Daughter?

Question

My Wife and I divorced and it was final yesterday. I have my 19 year old son and she walked away with our 17 year old Daughter. My Wife was very conditional, materialistic and demanding finacially. My Daughter and I have been estranged for nearly ten months, despite my attempts to reach out to her with a unconditional and fatherly love. I was told today by my Son, that she would come over and see me once a week. if I bought her a new Laptop Computer! I'm not that fianancialy stable yet...Should I do it? or wait until she grows up an matures more?

Will S

Thank you so much to everyone, I agree with almost everything, but I want to let Kalkia know that I am a good Father and I did establish a good Father/Daughter relationship with her in the previous 16 years. She's just been changed sonehow?

Answer 1

tell that little ***** to buy her own computer. she should love you unconditionally just the way you do. she shouldn't love you just because you buy her stuff.

Answer 2

Never try to buy your child's love, they will never appreciate it. If your daughter doesn't want a relationship with you with no strings, then so be it. However, you should call her every day and say hi and ask how she is. Make the calls brief and leave a message if she doesn't pick up. Make sure you have appropriate gifts at the holidays and her birthday. Be available but don't beg for a relationship. Your divorce has nothing to do with your children. Your ex didn't "walk away with your daughter", that's her mother. Never ever talk bad about your kids mother.

Your daughter will come around when she grows up or stops blaming you. If you did something to hurt her, then apologize but if not, then be patient.

Answer 3

I don't think you should buy her the laptop because next week, next month, next year , it will be if you do this then I'll do this, do you get what I'm saying. She is going to try and get everything from you because she knows how bad you want to see her and she knows that you don't have much money so that would make her either not come over or just get what she wants. Teach her a lesson, I know you want to see your baby girl, but don't let her give you an ultimatium. She will do this everytime she wants something, so don't start it now.

Answer 4

Will, what would you be teaching/training your daughter if you do this? Right. You know the answer. You tell your son to advise her that if she loves you enough to come see you, then she should. . .the door is always open. That your name is Daddy, not "Sugar Daddy".

You should be highly insulted. She is not a little child, innocently asking for a gift, She is almost a woman, who has, evidently, picked up some of her mom's bad habits. Love her enough to correct her.

If she chooses to come, then good. I still would not get her ANYTHING until I was financially able. Loving Unconditionally has nothing to do with raising your children right. I would let her know that love is a two way street. You don't ask her for favors to show her love and she needs to recognize that your paying child support is the love that you show every month...ASK HER WHERE IS HER GRATITUDE!! RAISE HER RIGHT!!

Answer 5

The more you buy your daughter the more she will expect and the more control she will have over you. You are her father not her best friend and she will love you no matter what. She may be upset with you at the moment but one day she will grow up and see that a father/daughter relationship is not about materialistic things.

Answer 6

Wait until she grows up and matures more. I think your ex-wife put her up to trying to extort a computer out of you. This situation seems like a disaster now, but your daughter will mature one day and realize that you love her and that she loves you and you'll be able to have a good relationship with her. I think the stress of the divorce has been hard on her, and I'd be willing to bet that your ex-wife has told her lies about you. Hang in there and this will work itself out.

Answer 7

what does the computer have to do with love or visiting you, her father? You can buy her the computer if you wnat to see her, knowing me I might do that, but it shouldn't be like that. It will hurt knowing thats what it took. Your daughter is 17 she is grown enough to understand, she's probably not about her father right now. I don't know how she feels but it doesn't sound good. when she comes over, you need to talk to her and tell her you are not going to force her to come see you but you love her and need her as a daughter and want her to hang out and to things with her because you love her. If thats not good enough then I don't know what is.

Answer 8

I have seen men feel guilty after a divorce and feel like they owe thier kids something. They try to compensate by giving in to thier every want. My husband's kids are like that, they only call and come around when they need something, then we don't hear from them in a while until they need something else. Do you want to be used??

I think you should just tell her ONCE that you are there for her if she needs YOU (not your money/favors) and that she knows how to get a hold of you. She will come around, if not now, eventually. Don't let her manipulate you, you are her dad, you still have a God given right to dicipline her and a God given responsibility to bring her up right, that means teaching her character. And, she has a God given responsibility to HONOR you and her mom for the rest of her life.

You know what I don't get, kids these days are so spoiled rotten. They have the nerve to talk back to their parents. When I was growing up, if my parents told us off, with or without reason, we just had to sit there and take it...kids these days have NO VALUES (most of them)..

Answer 9

I think you should hear it from your daughter. Chances are if it is that easy for your daughter to be estranged from you, despite your attempts (whatever those could be) that you never were close to her at home. Possibly over-critical of her, and women in general, daughter/wife/mother or whatever, really dislike critical men and do quite well without them!

My father would whine and carry on about my mother each time I would stop in to see him at his store, but as soon as I had enough of listening to his abuse and walk out, he would give me a half hearted 'sorry' and hand me ten bucks. Like I was a shrink or something. I found him to be the most pathetic man on the planet.

I don't know you, or how you talk to your daughter, but apparently there wasn't a loving father/daughter relationship established in the previous 16 years...guess who's fault that is DADDY?! Oh, wait, it's the mother's fault...right? How Adam of you to blame Eve.

Answer 10

this attitude could be 1 of 2 things..... she is either lashing out in anger, afraid to take sides or she is being selfish, spoilt, demanding brat that knows how to work it with daddy..... and I am afraid at 17 it is the later that is prob. true..... she is playing dad against mom, seeing who will buy her more.... as a dad I know you want to do for your little girl, but think of the lesson you are teaching her IF you give in ?? what is it telling her 17 yr. old mind ?? think about it...... You are DAD not a friend or Mr. Money Bags....... even Daddys' little girl has to grow up some time.......... God bless

Answer 11

Apparently your daughter is under the influence of her mother. I wouldn't give it to her. She must love you for the parent you are. If you buy her that laptop, it is only the beginning of the extortion she will usher. Your ex-wife may also take advantage of using your daughter to get what she wants as well.

I wouldn't do it! In fact, I think you should let your daughter know how disappointed you are in her! The decision is yours.

God Bless