My husband is Black and he can not accept that I am white what should I do?

Question

Me and my husband have been married for almost 3 years now. I am white and he is black. At first it was hard for my family to accept the fact that I was with a Black man. But they got to know him and really liked him. He feels that people stare and look at us. I really don't notice, I really don't pay attention. He does though. One thing that my husband has a problem with is showing public affection. He will not hold my hand in public and he will not go to some places with me. For instance he will not go to a bar or club. But he will go with other people. Is there a way that I can get him to feel more compitable with me and accept the fact that he should not care what other's think. Is there any one else out there with the same problem.

Answer 1

Why in heck did you ever bother to get married then?

Answer 2

I am a white woman also married to a black man. We experience those same types of stares from time to time (we live in the South).. But, my Husband in no way acts the same as yours. If anything.. he holds my hand a little tighter..and never has a problem showing me public affection. In fact, it's hard for me to get him to quit it sometimes lol.. We've been together for almost 10 years..and married for 9 in July. We also have three beautiful children. My suggestion to you is this.. sit your husband down and ask him what the REAL problem is. If he was ashamed to go to black establishments with his white wife.. then he should have never married you. He sounds very selfish to me. How can he cut you out of a part of his life like that? Honey, if he doesn't feel compatible with you..then he needs to ask himself what it is other than the color of your skin he has a problem with. If you were good enough to marry and change your life for him..then he should do the same for you. Suggest that you accompany him to his favorite spots. If he can't include you because you are white..then maybe he should deal with his color related issues and let you move on with your life. If his friends or people he hangs out with have a problem with you being white.. then why does he need them as friends in the first place? You are his wife.. he needs to respect you..no matter what color your skin is. Best of luck.

Answer 3

You'll are married and only now going through this. This should of been resolved way before now. Sounds like your hubby has a problem with you. You all are married it is too late for the compatibilty checks. He shouldn't be worrying about others, who cares? Why does he even care? This is tough your skin color will never change. If he had a problem with you being white he shouldn't even marry you and put you through this. I don't think this will ever change. I need my hubby's affection in public, we all do. Talk to him and give him an altimatum, try to understand him and I hope he understands how you feel, if not, you know what you need to do. Compatibility is the Key

Answer 4

I was like that for awhile because I was always sensitive to the fact that someone might attack us while she was all wrapped up and otherwise entangling my arms. I relaxed a great deal after we moved to a state where people weren't as openly racist and as I got to trust her reactions in crisis situations. If you hang in there it's likely to pass. We have since divorced but we're still very good friends. One day last summer we had ocassion to be walking together through a grocery store when we detected that old, familiar stare of disgust from other shoppers. For some reason, this time it made us both laugh uncontrollably. Living well is the best revenge. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

I HEAR YOU! My black cousin had a common law marriage to an Italian woman because her rich family would "disown" her in the will if she married him. THEY NEVER MARRIED; BUT HAD A CHILD AND STAYED TOGETHER OVER 25 YEARS NOW.

You have to understand, as black males, they were raised with the 'fear' of being caught with a white woman...of course this goes way back, but what is imprinted in our brain does not leave easily. He should have been more sure of himself before he married you. It is not fair to shun you in public, YOU ARE A PART OF HIM NOW. He should be entertaining you out dancing/dining etc and care less what others think. I am glad that we are not living in the 50's down south, cause your man would probably run and leave you to deal with the KKK in the middle of the night. I AM QUITE FRANKLY ASHAMED OF HIM, AS A BLACK WOMAN. HE CHOSE TO LOVE YOU AND NOW, HE HAS TO PROTECT THAT LOVE OR EVENTUALLY FACE LOOSING YOU. HOW CAN YOU STAY WITH A MAN WHO USES THE WORLD'S PROBLEM OF YOU BEING TOGETHER AS HIS PROBLEM. Ask him if the brothers are ribbing him? There is more going on than he is saying. If a man really wants you, nothing, but nothing will stop him from being with you EVERY DAMN WHERE!!

Tell him I said to, MAN-UP! Good luck.

Answer 6

When he married you he knew some people would look. Most people don't anymore. If he couldn't handle it he shouldn't have married you. Plenty of men don't like showing public affection. I don't like to see it. I think it's classless. Do it in private. Sometimes I think some white women (not all) want to be with black men for the public attention and that's why they are 'all over' their black men in public. It's like a rebellion. Could this be the case with you? Sounds like you and hubby are not compatible.

Answer 7

My husband is Italian,but people think he is Mexican, so people would stare at us, even when I went to the E.R. a lady was rude to me because she thought my last name was Hispanic, so I can kinda relate. The thing is your husband has to be the one to decide that its not worth letting it bother him people are always going to find a reason to stare at somebody, just make sure he knows how you feel. My husband and I are getting a divorce because he can't handle people reacting the way they do when I have a seizure, he is still a good guy, but I didn't let him know how I felt until it was to late, let your husband know. You married because you loved each other, let him know your proud of him, you don't care what people think.

Answer 8

If he can't accept your white , which I find hard to believe , than why did he marry you. I mean honestly, you two need to go to places where noone knows either of you, and if he cannot show his affection publically than try approaching him yourself., like grabbing his hand or putting your arm around him while walking to and from places. Try to kiss him softly and not wildly in the public and see how he reacts. If he seems stand offish, than he might just be the type of person that doesn't enjoy that. Or it embarrasses him. Not to worry, alot of people are like that. Don't worry yourself so much unless you know their are other reasons for him to withdraw from you.. :)

Answer 9

I'm glad someone else is having the same problems as me. Besides the drinking and constant pornography, my other big vice is that I am constantly getting married to people who don't like me. (I recognized a problem around the Italian fascist marriage...) My friends dwindled when I married a bum. I thought he was kind of cute, almost pulling off that "disheveled" Brad Pitt look, but my friends said he just married me for my money. Final score: Friends -1, Me - 0. Bum - $44,586. It takes courage for someone to admit a problem, and then other, more timid people like me, come out of the woodwork and relate. One time I married a fire hydrant because it wasn't red and it smelled nice and listened to what I had to say. But that's neither here nor there. The only advice I can give is to get a tan and pull off the Latina look. I'm proud to say it worked for my current marriage! Which began three days ago.

Answer 10

i assume a lot white females are conscious of the truth that black females do not approve of ways black adult adult males take an interest in white females, and that some black females have a unfavourable perspective about it, on the brink of as although white females pass round "stealing" black adult adult males from under black females. So might want to be those unique females have a chip on their shoulders and picture like they could want to provide perspective beforehand than they are given perspective.

Answer 11

I think men in general are not comfortable with PDA. Whether same race or different race. Kissing and holding hands really isn't a racial issue. If he's making a racial issue out of PDA, he is a true coward to blame race and other people, rather than owning up to his behavior as he doesn't like sharing "his tender moment" with his wife infront of others.