Can my husband change?

Question

I have been married for 11 yrs. We have 2 sons. My husband has been verbally, physcially, & emitionally abusive through out the marriage. But he says he loves me. Is this ok? I'm tired of being cld names & he hasn't hit me in 2 yrs since he broke my wrist. Plz don't write that I should leave him. I don't work & go to school full time & have no way to support myself or my children

I forgot to mention that he is a cop. I also want to try & finish school so that I can support my kids & myself w/ a real job instead of living hand to mouth in a min wage job. There is no family/friends to help.

Answer 1

Listen to me!!! I was married for 25 years and never worked. I was abused physcially and emptionally. I left with no regrets. I managed to get a job, support my youngest son and I don't have anyone calling me stupid, or b%^&h anymore. I pay the bills around here and I run my household the way I want to. It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life, but I did it. If I can do it anyone can. No one should have to live with a man that hurts the wife he is supposed to love. Love isn't what he has for you. When someone loves you they don't call you names or break you wrist.
Look at what you wrote! For gods sake read it out loud and listen to what you wrote.

Answer 2

Look, I probably would have left if he broke my wrist, but that's your choice. I don't know what you want people to say by your question? Never be scared to try and work things out for yourself and your kids. I have been forced into the position of being separated from my husband 'cos he said we have no love left between us. I have to go it alone now with a 2 & 4 year old and there is always someone there that will help you out. You just need to have a good support system of family and friends. Do you still love him though? I don't think you will really be in love with someone who puts you through this. If it's not a happy marriage, you should not put up with it. You only have one life. :-)

Answer 3

That doesn't mean you can't leave him because you have no way to support yourself. That's what the county is for, they help you and your children. I know you love him , but honey he DOES NOT love you. As long as he is physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive, he DOES NOT love you. He has a serious problem and needs to seek professional help, and as long as you stay he will do all of these things constantly to you and most likely your sons. So if I were you I would leave. I had a friend in the same situation and she finally got up and left and she got herself together, got her a job, had her own money and got confidence from somewhere and the guy is begging for her to come back but she is not even thinking of him any longer she has definately moved on and she feels so good about herself. I was so proud of her and I would be of you too if you just let go and take yourself to church. It really helps

Answer 4

Well, your basic question is can he change, and the answer to that is anything is possible. I think it's interesting that he hasn't hit you since he broke your wrist two years ago. That makes me think that he is in control of what he says and does, and that he abuses you on purpose and because he wants to. So can he change? Yes. Will he change? No, I don't think so. I am very sorry that you have to go through this. I'm really proud of you for going to school, and I hope when you graduate you do leave him because you deserve better. Hang in there for yourself and your kids, but don't think for one minute that your husband loves your or that he will change. If he loved you, he would have changed a long time ago.

Answer 5

No, its not okay. And, no, he's not going to change. Unfortunately, he knows he's in the position of power here - if you're not going to get yourself out of the situation no matter what he does, what incentive does he have to change?

How much longer do you have until your degree is completed? Since you state that you won't leave now no matter what everyone says...I'd suggest that you discreetly begin planning your future exit now, so that when you do graduate and get a job you can make a quick exit.

Answer 6

no your husband is not going to change. and people don't abuse people that they love. he says that to keep you there.
you ask that we not advise you to leave him, but i have no other advice.
i don't know what you expect us to say..that he will change and treat you like he should and you'll have a healthy relationship? that your kids are not being affected and that there is something you can do to affect his behavior? maybe if you're real good and do nothing to disturb him the rest of his life, he'll stop using you as a whipping post?
i'm sorry..
i know (i've been there) it's not easy to get out and be on your own, but if you can't do it alone, find a girlfriend, counselor (from school?) and do it for your children.

Answer 7

get a job.......it wont get any better.he knows he can get away with it. or just leave with the kids go to a family member for a while to show him your not going to take it no more. best wishes in what ever you decide there is always help for these things your frend in pa

Answer 8

he has to want to change but you should not stay and see
if he does, there are place in your area that has shelter etc
for you. time to get out and do what is right for you and
the children. then if he want to change then he will, this
may give him what he need to do this when he see that
you are not there.

Answer 9

there are battered women's shelters that help women in your situation (no $$ or resources) to get out of situations like yours...they are in the front pages of your local yellow pages...

Answer 10

He can only change if he WANTS to change. Seek couples therapy.