I feel like crying every day when I come home?

Question

I feel very depressed and feel like crying when I come home from work. I just feel so down on myself.

The main reason is that my daughter does not want to talk to me, but talks to my mother and brother. I feel like I have failed in life.

My daughter is 15 and lives with her grandmother in another state. I feel like everything that has gone wrong in her life is my fault even though my ex-husband has sole physical and legal custody.

Its hard being alone. I live with my parents, but don't talk to them much because they make comments that hurt me. They try to support, but instead give very strong advice.

I want to pull myself out of this. One way may to plan things to look forward to or keep a journal.

I keep wishing that I had a close friend/ husband to talk to about my feelings. I don't and I guess that I have to depend on myself.

What else can I do?

Answer 1

It's not your fault. None of it is your fault.

I read your earlier questions about this. I am someone who went through a divorce exactly like yours, but with one difference: I was exactly like your daughter.

My parents went through a messy divorce & my father got custody. He was angry at my mom for leaving & since she wasn't going to come back he made sure that my sisters & I wanted nothing to do with her. He would tell us all sorts of things like "She's going to seperate the 3 of you" & make comments about her to others about her while we were still in earshot. He managed to make her out to be this terrible person. He even made her parents take his side more than hers. (My mom moved out of state while her parents were in the same state as my dad & I.)

We didn't see her for many years. My mom kept calling & writing us to keep in contact. It was all she could do. Finally she came out to see us a few years later. She stayed at a relative's house & had my dad drop us off at the house before she arrived b/c everyone involved knew that otherwise there would be a nasty scene. When I saw her coming off the plane I realized for the first time how much I really did miss her. It took a while for everyone to get comfortable again (2-3 of her summer visits), but eventually everyone got back to normality.

I admit that initially I felt betrayed that my parents split & my mom left. But as time went by & I matured, I realized that what happened was really not the fault of either party. Sometimes people can love each other but not be able to live together. I realize now what my father was doing was wrong. It is one of the worst things he's ever done (and will probably ever do) in his life. He used me as a tool, a pawn, to make my mother feel guilty for leaving HIM. Yes, he cared about my sisters & I, but all of the cr@p he did was for his pain- not ours. It took us a while to realize that. My mom kept every single e-mail, letter, & a few of the phone calls that he sent her. My little sister found them one day & read them, then gave them to me to read. We never knew that he was that petty.

I just want you to know that right now things are incredibly hard, but they will get better. Just try to keep in contact with your daughter. Call her, write her, email her, send her a little gift once in a while. I know that it may seem at times that you're doing all of this effort for nothing, but trust me-it's not for nothing. Your daughter is healing as well.

I recommend attending a single parents group. The one my dad went to (and eventually helped him to move on himself & stop blaming my mom for everything) was called 'Parents without Partners'. They had everything: divorced w/ main custody, divorced w/o main custody, widowed, & single (kids before marriage) parents. They had meetings where they talked, and went out to do things like sports, games, or movies. It helped a lot. A journal is also a great idea. You need some outlet to vent your emotions.

Also, try to keep any of the communications your ex is making to you. It'll help later if custody issues ever arise & your ex tries to keep your daughter from visiting or you from visiting her.

It takes time. None of this is your fault. Your daughter will come around. Just keep trying to talk to her. Get your mom & brother to keep talking to her & encouraging her to talk to you. Don't push, since you don't want to force anything. Communication works both ways. Eventually your daughter will realize that sometimes marraiges just don't work out, & that it was healthier for everyone (herself included) for the two of you to split. It took us a while, but looking back now, I can honestly say that everyone is happier now & I can understand their reasons for divorcing.

Talk to your mom & brother. Tell them that while you appreciate their support, at the moment you are trying the best you can. You are trying to rebuild your life, while trying to help rebuild the life of someone that is far away from you. Have a heart to heart with them. Tell them that their advice tends to hurt more than it helps, & while you recognize that they are trying to be helpful & the wisdom in their words, right now you have to find your own way through all of this.

I really hope that everything turns out right for you. I know that it will. You are her mother. You are always a part of her life, and even though she may not want to talk to you now, she will later. Your daughter loves you. She will always love you. Keep trying- I believe in you!

EDIT:

I just noticed that you read my other thing! Sorry for retyping it all here! I really really hope that everything comes to a good resolution for you soon!

Just ignore those nasty people who answer your questions. Some mean well & are just blunt, but there are some who have never gone through something like this. They can't know how this feels.

I'm rooting for you! Don't give up!

Answer 2

You are suffering from depression. You need to see a physician to help get you snapped out of it. Antidepressants would help you a lot.

Better communication with your parents would help. I am sure they do not mean to hurt you, its just that your depression has you so sensitive, that you are easlily hurt by miniscule things.

Please do yourself a favor and get treatment.
In the meantime. Try to come home a little later. Take a walk somewhere. Meet new people. Wait til the parents are in bed before you come home until you are emotionally able to deal with what is going on.

But most of all let your parents know what is going on , and to try to work with you on this.

Answer 3

Well internet Blogs are very Helpful to let one let go of pressure, others can help you from your experiences, as others may have the same problems. I know that you need to get yourself back on your feet and then decide what to do with your daughter. It sounds like a case that a typical 15 year old girl would go through in another result.

Answer 4

I have found the very best support system on Yahoo360. I have met some of them and was able to connect with the ones I had a lot in common with. You need to have someone to talk to that will listen and be supportive. If I can help by lending an ear send me an email. I will help you as much as I can.

Answer 5

Lots of teenagers don't want to talk to their parents. You should probably try to formulate a plan to move out of your parent's house, it sounds like that situation is just adding to your depressed feelings. And you should try to get active in a way to get out and meet people. Join a church, or book club, or outdoor club, or whatever you like doing. It will help you feel better about yourself.

Answer 6

Only you can get yourself out of your self pity,why on earth can,t you talk to your parents,and do not tell me the same bull shite you wrote down before.Your parents have gone out of their way to help you,have they not put a roof over your head.Maybe your daughter is sick of listening to your self pity,WAKE UP TO YOURSELF WOMAN you are not a child anymore.