My husband wont have sex with me?

Question

I have been married for 2 yrs now, when my husband and I were dating he was very passionate but as soon as we got married it stopped! he is 24 and I am 22 I dont think its normal for us to be so distant, sometimes I've even thought about cheating.... but I cant do that because I love him. He never gives me an answer.. he gets mad or just says he is tired.... I cant stand being rejected anymore! What could be wrong!

Answer 1

You really need to talk about this with him, or even a counselor or something. You are both far too young and your marriage too new for you to accept this. At the age of 24 most men would become aroused by a stiff breeze blowing outside. This is not normal. It does not mean that he is cheating on you though. I think if he was he would be wanting sex with you to make sure that you did not suspect him of cheating. I am 38 and I can't remember ever being "tired" at 24. My best guess is that it is not you at all but something that is bothering him or that he feels inadequate about.

Is he under a lot of pressure at work?
Are you in financial trouble?
Does having a wife and responsibility scare him?
Is he under-sized?
Has your appearance changed since your marriage?
Has he ever been abused as a child?

These are some areas that I would discuss with him. I am sure that there is an answer and a way back to intimacy for the both of you. Your marriage won't last if he can not be there for you. You are too young of a woman to fore-go sex and what about kids and a family? Is that something he wants? Have you recently gone off of the pill in hopes to get pregnant? Maybe he is not ready... Good Luck... It is not you.

Answer 2

Well, first of all, it's a good thing that you haven't cheated on him or hopefully have plans to, because that won't solve anything at all. Two wrongs don't make a right! It depends, how long has it been since you have been intimate? Are you initiating it and is he completely turning you down? Does he have a reason why has he said? IT could be alot of things. If it is a medical reason, which is very rare for a man as young as he is, but if he can't sustain or get an erection, he may be embarrased, but that is normally a very big sign that something is wrong with his body and should go see his doctor right away. Try and be sensitive if that's the case and just be supportive. It could also be that this is just the time that couples normally go through the slowing down phase. Your not technically newly weds any more and if there is anything else major going on like a death in the family, job change, any stresses on top of it can lead to a bit of a dry spell. If he just says he's tired and you aren't satisfied with that answer, I'd suggest letting him know that you understand that he is tired but you can't help but taking it personally and whatever is going on that you are there whenever he's ready to talk about it. Let him know that he is important to you, you love him, you desire him and you want to make this work and you are on board with whatever steps are needed to take to get your sex life up and running again. Just because your sex life isn't as hot and heavy as it was in the beginning doesn't mean he is cheating on you, if it was, I am sure you would have a feeling about it. Just keep your lines of communication open but don't nag him. Just let him know that this is an issue that is important to you and your marriage and you need to know he is on board also and you just need some answers. If he still says he is just tired, then you are going to have to decide to either be content with that or decide if thats the kind of marriage you want. But please don't cheat on your spouse. You would only feel worse about yourself in the end!

Answer 3

He could be cheating or having an affair. If you are fighting all of the time this can also contribute to no sex. He could also be addicted to porn, another very likely scenario which is actually very common among men. He doesn't love you anymore and he definitely does not respect you. If any man called me a ***** just once he would be kicked out the door and never come back. Religion or not, divorce IS an option when there is abuse in your marriage like this, especially when it turns physical. God doesn't want his children to suffer, remember? And if any religion teaches against God's own word they are not worth sticking with anyway. You should get a job and get your own source of income, first of all. Establish a new home for yourself and separate from him as soon as possible. He obviously is not a very good religious person if he is using language like that and treating his wife like a piece of crap. God does not condone activity like that. Trust me on this, you need to set yourself apart from everything and everyone and do what is right for you. Abuse is nothing to stick around for no matter what your beliefs. As I said find work and at least better the situation by being a little more independent. He may think he rules you because he thinks you need him. Well, show him you don't need him or his abuse and that you can do anything because you are a woman. Financial abuse is a very real form of abuse in many marriages and relationships, and I wouldn't encourage it by sticking around and being his little punching bag. Good luck to you :)

Answer 4

Don't freak out to quickly, it may be something else completely. My husband changed as soon as we got married. It was really strange. I was 23 and he was 26 and he was always passionate while we were dating. He just went through a rough patch where things weren't going well with his job and he had a lot of stress from that and he found being newly married to be stressful. He's only really getting back into it now and it's been over 2 years. You've gotta be careful how you bring it up though when you talk to him about it, or you may add performance anxiety to his list of stresses.
My husband also found it very hard getting into sex because he was so accustomed to masturbating.
Have you tried taking him on a date?
Or, maybe just to a sleezy hotel room with takeout and a bottle of champagne to see if you can't stir it up a bit?
Sometimes just taking him out of the home environment and into someplace different can help him forget stress if that's the problem.
I can sympathize though, it used to drive me crazy.

Answer 5

If he will not open a dialogue with you about this very important part of your lives, then you need to consider what he's really all about.
Is he depressed?
Gay?
Do you want a baby now and he doesn't? That could chill him out quick.
Have other interests you don't even know about?
It's unfair that he doesn't communicate the issues.
You need to sit down and tell him if this is not open for discussion that you'll have to think about a separation and some counseling to decide what to do next.

Answer 6

Maybe he is seeing someone else, I mean it's not a good sign that he doesn't want to sleep with you your only been married 2 yrs?, does he go out late, or stay out late, if he is home all the time then that can't be it. You really need to press him for answers your not his child for him to dismiss your concerns, you derseve and explanation as his wife and partner and then you can resolve it, maybe he feels bored with your sex life ask him, if he gets mad you really need to think about what your gonna do, tell him you have needs and they are not meet and if he is willing to go to counseling with you, if he says he doesn't want to go and says leave me alone........Then do you want to spend the next 10 yrs in a loveless relationship, please seek help as this isn't good for you or him. Marriage is about communication and if he can't talk to you now then you know the rest of your life together will be the same, your future is right in front of you. I really hope it all works out for the best.

Answer 7

Hey, most probably he does not get an inspiration to have sex with you. Just try to be seductive and give him lot of touches where it matters most. Please see that you from your side give lot of importance to foreplay. Dress unusually and get him to praise your beauty in the dress that you are wearing. Use a lot of aphrodisiac food like garlic, onions etc. If the above stated things don't work for you then your hubby is definitely abnormal and requires psychological and sex counseling. Please do visit a good sex specialist and a psychologist for counseling, remember both of you should do that together, because two years is too long a time to be without sex after marriage, sounds too abnormal. Best wishes for a good sex filled life.

Answer 8

The last thing you want to do accuse him of cheating, or feeling bad because you think there is someone else. He may be depressed, stressed out, or have some other medical condition that is killing his sex drive. Or maybe he is upset with you for some other reason. Be sweet and supportive and understanding. If you feel so bad, imagine how he feels? Don't cheat! Go to counseling.

Answer 9

My husband did the same thing to me when we reached the 7 yr mark. My husband did all the same things that you are describing.Turns out he was/is addicted to porn. I felt lonely & that there was something wrong w/ me. I cheated on him. I can never erase the disgusting feelings of lying w/ a man just for the hell of it. Like animals, since there were no feelings attached. Trust me, it'll only make things worse & make you feel worse if you cheat. I channeled my anger into exercise. It did evuanltly got better though. There is no one piece of advice that I can offer you though to start you down the road to reconsilation though. Good luck!

Answer 10

Make up your mind that your not going to be treated like this. Tell him he has to deal with how he is making you feel and if he still acts the same way, maybe a trial seperation would be a good way to show him this is important to you.. but you must be prepared for an answer you may not want, which you may get sooner or later anyway. You dont deserve to be treated like you dont matter. being alone is better than being alone living with someone!