My friend didnt tell me he got married, whats the deal?

Question

My male friend- strictly platonic, friendship of 10 years never told me he was getting married or got married last year. Has He dropped off the face of the earth, now all of a sudden i get alot of Ims from him, for a month he never mentioned the marriage, I finally said "hows married life"?
He responds by saying "oh yea i never told u, well we got a divorce only lasted a year"
On his myspace says hes single and his wifes profile says shes single..
Should i even be his friend again after he dumped me as a friend and hid his marriage and divorce from me until i called him out on it?

Answer 1

Doesn't sound like a very good friend...but then again, maybe there is a reason he didn't tell you. I'm basing this off my own experiences, but when I hid big things like that from the people in my life, there was a reason...for me because they were too judgmental and gossipy. Maybe he felt he wasn't ready for your reaction so he decided to keep you out of the loop.

You have been friends for 10 years and although that is a long time, how often do you talk and see each other? Maybe you are taking the friendship more seriously than he is.

I say lose this fair-weathered friend or just keep him around for the random chat/IM buddy. A real friend wouldn't uninclude you like that!

Answer 2

Maybe it could be that he married her for the wrong reasons and knew it. He could have been embarrassed or for some other reason didn't want anyone to know about it. The reason I say this is because my brother got married many years ago, when he was in the Navy. I never found out about it until he was in the middle of getting a divorce. He never loved the woman. He married her out of convenience (it got him off the base) and good sex. One day he came home to find her in bed with his best friend. So, back on base he moved. He knew he didn't marry her for the right reasons, which is why he didn't tell anyone until after the relationship was over.

Answer 3

Believe it or not, I have sort of been there. Only I knew about the marriage and then was cut off until the marriage ended. Then this former friend contacted me again, only after the divorce and other serious events in his life. And then the renewed friendship went on the rocks after a brief high.

In your case, your friend is attempting to regain what he once had. He wants some normalcy, the kind he had before he married this girl. There was trouble with his relationship with his ex-wife. You either provide emotional support without the baggage and risk of marriage or he may like you and think you might be a good marriage partner.

I had another friend (a girl) reattach herself to me temporarily after she broke up with a fiance. Then she found "Mr. Right" and cut me off as a friend. And in this case I most assuredly felt used, as you probably do right now. (And she really did not tell me about her new love interest right away either -- it was sort of something that she sprang on me one day.)

Same sex friends do this as well as opposite sex friends. It might be that they feel we will disapprove of their choice of a spouse, so don't tell us right away or do so only after the fact. Maybe they feel we would have talked them out of marriage altogether.

Whatever the case, it is a nasty way to treat a friend -- and something we are probably not expecting a close friend to do, so it is a shock to our system when they treat us so shabily.

I suggest you continue to talk to this guy but watch your back and watch for a "repeat performance" from him in the future. By the way, a true friend would let you know about marriage plans. Sure, your friendship would change, but it would be nice to know that you are so important to him that he would let you know about a life-changing event in his life.

Remember to concentrate your love, time, and effort on true friends, dear, whether they be male or female. Send a card, letter, or e-mail to a true friend and let him or her know how you feel.

Answer 4

Getting married to something that the bride and groom should celebrate with each other, and with people they care about, hiding his divorce may be more exceptable because he may not want the attention of "poor name."
But getting married is...a time to prove your love for the one presented infront of you. And if he didn't invite you, that's wrong.

Now did you have a issue with the bride, like did you know her, or did you have any realtionship with her, that maybe he felt aqward for you too come?

Answer 5

She needless to say desires to be together with her fiance using fact of ways lots an excellent guy he's, yet i for my section think of she thinks you are able to fulfill what her fiance cant, her sexual desires. That, or she is extremely finding for the two a guy suited buddy or a down low intercourse buddy, yet whilst youre finding for a dating with this lady, i wont propose it, if she could try this at the back of her fiances back, shell do it to you, we could in basic terms say, Karma is a ***** :) desire this permits

Answer 6

From your post, I can guess that you care about him. He, quite obviously, doesn't put much value into you two's friendship. I would have to say that the best course of action would be to politely end the friendship as quickly and painlessly as possible.

Best of luck.

Answer 7

it seems like he only needed you around when he didn't have another female in his life. and now that his wife is gone, he;s back. tell him how you feel. if you have known each other for that long you should be able to say anything to him. call him out on it.

Answer 8

Whatever! If he didnt tell you then maybe he is telling you something else. Like he is living a married life and respecting his marriage.

Answer 9

What I suggest you do is talk to him and find out what's going on.