Divorcing after 30 years marraige, should the spouse remain in touch with the others family?

Question

or drop out of the picture. After 30 years it is hard to know if it is better for everyone to lose contact in order to remove awkwardness about conflicted loyalties, reminders of the divorce, allow the divorced spouse the refuge of no past baggage within the familly, or to continue to reach out to people who have been close for so long, when perhaps it is better not to. What do others think?

Answer 1

Well! Certainly you should keep in touch, but you must NOT talk about the divorce because if you do then you might get into awkward position.
After my divorce, if I bump into my x's family, I do say hi to them and keep my conversation short, sweet and in brief.
Don't call them or invite them, sensible thing to do is, let them reach out to you.
Keep a distance, and stay like a well wisher in their books.

Answer 2

I understand what you are saying for me it's 33 years maybe next month it will be over with once and for all, I feel there's nothing for the other spouse to gain here and should bow out, I had to do this, I was very close to his side of the family, so I thought, never the less part ways with the family no one needs the reminders of the past when it comes to divorce. Sorry to hear about this happening, but I heard life gos on after a divorce.

Answer 3

My husband and I were married for 20 years. After all this time I am still a part of their family. I talk to his parents 2 or 3 times a week. They come to visit occasionally and they are at my place for my son's birthday, or other occasions. As long as no one is blaming anyone for the divorce I don't see a problem with it.

Answer 4

It depends on you, why would you feel awkward. If these people were friendly and caring towards you and your family.

The divorce is mainly between two people, not the children or the rest of the family. Unless, there was a really bad reason for a breakup, (domestic violence), then I don't see why it would be a problem.

Now, you don't have to attend every family affair, since you may run into your ex, but don't ignore their phone calls, or invitations.

Answer 5

After 30 years the spouse is a member of the family. If the family and the spouse wish to continue their relationship, why would you want to change it?

Answer 6

Two years ago, my aunt and uncle divorced after 27 years of marriage. He still goes to all family functions, etc. After all that time, he IS a part of this family. You can't break that bond. But I suppose it would be different if the divorce was nasty or bitter. It really depends on how you and your ex feel.

Answer 7

I agree with the idea better not to. Because of the conflict of interests. The loyalties you speak of will always be for the blood relative. Apart from you keeping in contact with your children and grand kids. Those be you married or not are relatives forever.

Answer 8

I don't think it's right to divorce an entire family after 30 years. That's like an entire lifetime.

Answer 9

I think that if your ex is friends or close to some of your relatives and they both wish to remain friends, then don't try to stand in the way. There is now conflict of loyalties. Your divorce is between you and your husband ultimately. The relationship that your family has with them is between your ex and them. I'm sure your family still loves you. I'm still friends with my ex bro-in-law. He and I were friends while he was married to my sis and we remained so. I still love my sis and she respects that I choose my friends.

Answer 10

30 Years, you can't expect the spouse or the family to forget about each other. I think after 30 years, they have earned that privilege to be considered family for life.