i recently just got a divorce,, and he has already moved on,, he has moved on during the seperation,, i on the other hand didn't,, i chose to wait until the divorce papers,, he didn't. now i find myself constantly thinking about him and his new girl, i have nightmares, i cant eat, i'm a mess, i cant seem to get over him,, or just stop thinking about him,, we been seperated for 6 months, and i still cant shake it,, please help,,,
2007-06-12 12:55:26 · 27 answers · asked by mngnyc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Divorce can be tough. However, the thing you have to remember is that more than likely he will do the same thing to the poor woman that he is with now, that he did to you. The fact that he just picked up and start dating some other woman during your separation goes to show that he is lacks the necessary love and dedication it takes to be in a long term committed relationship. If you haven't done so already now would be a good time to establish a personal spiritual relationship with God. It worked for me when I got divorced 15 years ago and I am sure it will work for you. I am now happily married to the woman is truly my soulmate. I will keep you in my prayers. Peace and God bless.
2007-06-12 13:36:54 · answer #1 · answered by cave man 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
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2016-05-08 07:36:01 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is very difficult, even when you know it is over, and you are better off that you are now free.... I left, because he had betrayed our marriage, and ran... and I think the best thing is to find someone else.
If you are an attractive lady, make yourself even more so.... if you don't have that killer smile, part with some big buckos and get it at the best cosmetic dentist in your area...beautiful teeth radiates health, and healthy, hon, is sexy..... Re do your hair by a pro...., and get some great casual clothes. Have some nice photos taken and put up an ad on Yahoo Personals, or Match.com. There are tons of really nice guys out there -- and a few nut cases just like those sitting next to you in church.
You can't make someone love you who does not, and you can't get back what is gone.... the trick is to let go.... and you will be letting go lots of times: It isn't a one shot deal. You might find writing him a letter where you vent your frustrations, and thank him for the good times... (burn it) helpful. I left mine two years ago, and did indeed find another man -- he's lovely, and I do indeed love him.. but my ex? I am happy he is no longer mine and happy we had a nice life together... But nothing is forever and there is not an hour that I do not think of him nor a day go by that I do not cry... ... be glad that it happened... and hopefully in time it will just be a warm memory, and you will find someone to be a suitable partner/husband.....
2007-06-12 13:17:40 · answer #3 · answered by ladyren 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is that he was the one that wanted the divorce and has moved on. You feel like you didn't want it and kind of feels like there is no closure. What you need to do is not date right now because you can get into a rebound kind of relationship that rarely works out. Throw yourself into going to the gym, saving for a nice vacation, taking a class, cleaning out the house or apartment, volunteer at a charity. In other words, just keep yourself busy for a few months. Gradually, you will begin feeling better and be back to your old self. In a few years, when you are happy you will wonder why you were ever so upset. The best revenge is to look just amazingly fabulous next time you run into your ex. Then don't stop and chat. Tell him you are busy.
2007-06-12 13:01:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not easy. You obviously married him and loved him very dearly to do that. My advice for you, as hard as it may be, is to start by limiting the time you think about him. Give yourself 10 minutes a day to stew over him. Write him a note telling him your feelings that of course YOU WILL NEVER SEND. Rip the note up and do it all over the next day if you have to. Again he gets no more than 10 minutes of your time. Also make a vow to do something for yourself (not to get back at him but really for you). Maybe you start a yoga class or join a golf league. Little by little you will soon move on with your life and you will say my ex 'who?". It's normal to feel how you do, it's almost like mourning a death. It will get better, you will meet someone else. Do not let this person eat you alive. You are worth more than that. I speak from experience.
2007-06-12 13:02:27 · answer #5 · answered by ireallydoknowitall 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You get over your ex by getting a new 'distraction' - boyfriend who treats you well and makes your realize all you were missing! You are thinking about your ex because he seems stronger than you are. Look, he's already in a relationship! Compared to him, you probably feel like a lightweight in the love department. So let guys know you're available. Act interested in dating, go out as much as you can, be seen. Have a good time. Living well is the best revenge!
2007-06-12 13:06:18 · answer #6 · answered by kathyw 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your hurt and obsessing over him will not help you heal. If you have girlfriend go out. Ask one of them to hook you up on a date. He moved on......... Now you should also. You have a new life to live. there was a reason why you divorced and remember that reason. Trying to figure out why or how he moved on so fast isn't up to you. He is no longer you problem. It is time for you to find you again. Get a new outfit. Try a new style. Have a day for you. Get your hair and nails done remember you are beautiful and focus on you. It will be hard and you wont get over him tomorrow but slowly if you start to focus on you and what new things you'll do from now on befor you know it you'll wounder why did you even focus so much time on him.
2007-06-12 13:05:27 · answer #7 · answered by lifeisbeautiful 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's going to take time and time seems to take forever when you're waiting on it, so you have to keep yourself busy and do fun things even when you don't feel like it. Force yourself to put on lipstick, and your cute clothes, change up your hair. Just focus on you right now and stop thinking about him because he's already made his choice and the longer you take to come to grips with that the longer it's going to take for you to heal.
Don't do anything outrageous that you'll regret for the sake of trying to get over him!! Just take things one day at a time and get to know yourself again. When you've been married you become so accustomed to being "one" that you lose touch with who you were before you were married. So now you need to revisit all the old things that made you who you are.
Lock arms with your close friends and family members who are kind and caring (cause not all are) and don't isolate yourself. Don't think about him!!! He's just going through the motions and believe me he's not over you either, it just appears like it. Relationships like his usually never work out and once he hits rock bottom then he'll start realizing what a mess he's made of his life....but, it will be too late cause you'll be over him and way past all the dark gloom that you feel right now. I promise you it will pass......
2007-06-12 13:32:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear this, I to am going through the same thing, and seeing a good shrink does help, girls night out and a few drinks, and having someone to listen to you is most helpful. My divorce should be over with after two years in court next month, after 30 years of crap from him, time alot of time will heal the pain, and a vaction should help too!!!!! Wishing you the best in your new life.
2007-06-12 13:16:15 · answer #9 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably knew her all along and is the reason for his leaving home. You need to concentrate on yourself. You have a lot of life to live. DON'T MAKE A GOD OF THIS MAN! YOU CAN DO BAD BY YOUSELF. NOW, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DON'T WANT IN A MAN...SO COUNT IT ALL GOOD!
Work that hair, shape, nails and be the best you can be. Be all that and a bag of chips and watch if you don't catch some eyes.
YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS~~NO ONE ELSE!! SO GO GET IT GIRL!
STAY BUSY, GIVE YOUR TIME TO PEOPLE WHO NEED YOU. GET INVOLVED WITH AN EXERCISE GROUP! NETWORK OR GO OUT WHERE PEOPLE ARE HAVING FUN....MAKE NEW FRIENDS! ENJOY YOURSELF AND LOOK FOR THAT NEW RELATIONSHIP THAT WILL BE BETTER THAN THE LAST! BE GOOD TO YOURSELF! TAKE LONG BATHS WITH TV, WINE, CHEESE OR ANYTHING THAT YOU ENJOY. STOP LOVING AND DON'T LOVE THOSE WHO DO NOT LOVE YOU BACK!!
REMEMBER:: LOVE IS ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF WHEN WITH SOMEONE....YOU NO LONGER FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF WHEN YOU THINK OF YOUR EX.
LOOK SO DARN GOOD THAT IF HE SEES YOU ON THE STREET, HE CAN SAY, 'DAMN, LOOK AT WHAT I AM NOT GETTING ANYMORE.
2007-06-12 13:22:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋