I have been married for less than a year. I am well educated and live in elegant home in an upscale community. I married a man younger with a lot less education. He appears to have adapted well to my life style. His family is uneducated, poor, and unsophisticated. They arrive at my home with containers to cart off all the left over food. The children of his ex-wife whom he calls step children soak up his resources. My husband does not make much money and contributes little to our expenses. I become upset when his side of the aisle uses up his meager resources then I have to make up the extra because he has even less to contribute to our lifestyle . These people don't have the manners to ever tell me thank you for gifts, flowers or anything that I send. When I mention any of this to my husband he becomes angry with me and defensive of them. It is destroying our relationship. I never met them until the day of our wedding.
2007-06-12 11:14:30 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get out now. You know it's building up to this. It won't get easier with time.
2007-06-12 11:20:49 · answer #1 · answered by Thegustaffa 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
The lawns not that green after all huh? There are two ways to handle this situation. First, you can cut your loses and simply move on. Second, you can ignore your in-laws by spending the least amount of time with them when they are in town for a visit. Always have something to do. No more meals prepared, no more flowers etc. Simply no more anything for his free-loading family members, save your time and energy to luxuriate on you. He didn’t come from anything and seems like he didn’t turn out to be much of anything. Marrying you was the jackpot; the triple seven on the slot machine and thus the coins flowed. You surely can’t believe he’s going to take your side when you air how you feel. Some believe that in-laws should not be a major factor in marriages. If your a family oriented person, then the things they do will have a negative impact on your marriage.
Your much better in so many ways. Allow your mind to direct you to make the right choice because your heart may keep you stagnated.
2007-06-12 11:39:09 · answer #2 · answered by tropical 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but that is your fault for not knowing what you were getting yourself into. You should have met his family before you got married. If the children are his step children then why is he paying for them? That does not make any sense!
The way I see it you got what you deserve, you didnt make a very good decision when you decided to pick a life partner. Did you not think that the difference in money and education would be an issue?
You also sound quite snotty in my opinion. Maybe you should bring your nose out of the air a few notches and really get to know his family before you start judging them for what they dont have.
2007-06-12 11:37:42 · answer #3 · answered by EllD75 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is not a good combination. You married a less educated man who makes less money and has relatives that don't quite fit your social level. It would be interesting to know how you present this information to your husband. from your tone you seem to believe that you have somehow married "beneath" your status.
That may be true and if that's the case, you have to decide if the revelations of his family's behavior and his defensiveness about the subject are deal breakers. If they are, then you you need to move on. That way, you don't further entwine yourself into his family's mess. If you choose to deal with them, then just make sure you keep it moving. Share a joke or some encouragement with them, give them a hug but after a while just keep walking. It's not your job to support his family and it shouldn't be his.
2007-06-12 11:27:10 · answer #4 · answered by Deep Thought 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, my first comment was going to be that you knew this about him before you married him, but I guess you didn't. At no point did he talk about his "family" with you? Of course, I'm sure he wouldn't have told you they'd show up with containers for the leftovers but surely he told you something. Since you're already married there's not much you can do. If he gets upset and defensive about your feelings towards this now then I don't foresee a happy future for you two. I'm usually all for working on a marriage no matter what it takes, but when it comes to in-laws and stepchildren, I see no hope. You will never win that battle. Get out now, especially since you are funding your lifestyle and his.
2007-06-12 11:47:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me you rushed into this marriage. I'm sorry, but you are a spoiled little brat. His people are beneath you. They don't deserve to be in the same air as you. You seem to think the same about your husband your other half. Maybe this is what God meant about unequally yoked. Maybe you should take some of your resources and get some marriage counseling. So this doesn't lead to another mistake on your part. As far as his family is concerned you have a voice let them know how you feel about them taking all your stuff. It is not right You and your husband are not their personal bank.
2007-06-12 11:41:02 · answer #6 · answered by coolaid 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No offense, but you sound like a selfish, spolied brat. So what if his family is poor? Let them have the leftover food or whatever it is you/he can help them with. Maybe they are too embarassed to say thank you. And is that all you are wanting when you send flowers or gifts? A thank you means so much that you will let it tear your relationship apart if you don't get it? Add shallow to selfish and spolied. Whatever happened to giving to someone just because? You apparently haven't known poverty, but maybe you should. That's his family. If you love him, you will try to accept them for his sake and for the sake of the relationship. If you don't love him, you'll let it become a thorn in your side.
2007-06-12 11:34:42 · answer #7 · answered by TwyztedChyck 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. You married an uneducated, under-employed man from a poor, unsophisticated family. I think it would have been a good idea to meet his family before marrying. Just have to put up with it now.
2007-06-12 11:22:19 · answer #8 · answered by Sabine É 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In-laws! Damn! They can make or break a marriage. I'm sorry to hear that they are acting an a$$. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do about it if the husband is not willing to step up and admit that they are crowding and controlling. I feel your pain thoguh, Good Luck to you!
2007-06-12 11:30:58 · answer #9 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, we don't just marry an individual, we marry into an entire family.
It is too bad that you didn't meet them before you married.
I don't think this situation will be easily worked out (what situation is?)... but if you love each other you can make it work.
You can't change his family, but your husband can modify his behavior and you can modify yours. It is your husband's responsibility to keep his family in check.
2007-06-12 11:22:21 · answer #10 · answered by Heather L 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dont give these people anything anymore - if you have them over keep it to a minimum and try to go to wherever they live for visits - another option is move away from them if you find the same job in another state your hubby will probably go with you and the 2 of you will be better for it -
2007-06-12 11:24:40 · answer #11 · answered by rooster 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋