I want to forgive somebody who has hurt me a great deal. But he hasn't apologized, probably doesn't know he hurt me - and I won't ever see him again after next Friday. To be more specific, we had an affair, have since moved on with both of our families (we are both married), and are working on repairing our tragic situations. Even with that said, I hold a lot of resentment for some of the things he did to me. I ultimately hold myself accountable, but can't deny the hurt and burden I've been carrying. So I really want to get this burden off my back, but don't know how to forgive him. Do you do it to his face? Do you do it silently, with God? Help - any advice would be great !!
2007-06-12 10:49:50 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What could he have done to you that was worse than what you did to your husband? Or for that matter........ what kind of man did you THINK he was when he was willing to cheat on his wife?
I would be more worried about getting your husband to forgive YOU than to use this "burden" to hold on to some memory of this dude you cheated with.
2007-06-12 10:55:36 · answer #1 · answered by Aron1968_30 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You said you hold some resentment for some stuff he did to you. Why didn't you say something then instead of being hurt now? If you had, then maybe he would have apologized since it seems like he doesn't know he did anything wrong. If you cared about this person, even though you are both married, then you should have been able to go to him if something was bothering you. Instead, you chose not to and now it's bothering you. Best thing to do is just be glad your spouses didn't find out, because then you'd really be hurt. Mark this as a lesson learned and just move on and concentrate on your marriage instead.
2007-06-12 10:57:47 · answer #2 · answered by 2Beagles 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why do you need to forgive the man that help you ruined both of your own life. I reread your question and it seems that you are emotionally involved with this man. Am I right to say that your not really ready to let go this affair even though you said that the two of you are moving on? Nothing that he did can justify what you did, so don't act like he force you to have sex with him...
If I don't know better I will say that you are the woman that my husband approached and had an affair for 2 months. If I didn't discovered the affairs,she will not keep on harassing me till now. I hope that you will make a mans for what you did because if your husband finds out,your life will be over . Don't bother the other man anymore for everyone sake...
2007-06-13 00:54:11 · answer #3 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By definition, you can't. But let me get this straight and correct me if I am wrong: You're married, you have an affair with a married man, it ended, and now you are mad at HIM? My guess is that he hasn't apologized because he is thinking that you actually WANTED to have the affair with him, and he isn't thinking that he raped you. He thought it was all consensual.
Perhaps, and this is a wild thought, the anger and hurt you are directing at him is misplaced. Perhaps it needs to be directed someplace else (like at yourself, for going along with it ... I know, it's a wild thought, but maybe something to be considered) ...
Please, go to a counselor or to a clergyman who believes in the sanctity of the confessional (not all churches and clergymen believe this) and get the thoughts out into the open. You'll be half healed, just be verbalizing your feelings.
But for heaven's sake DO NOT tell your spouse. Don't punish him because you are feeling guilty or angry or frustrated.
2007-06-12 10:52:58 · answer #4 · answered by John B 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
You said he didn't know he hurt you. So there you have it.
If it bugs you so much then get it out in the open and tell him ASAP since he is leaving and you will never see him again. After all never is a really long time to carry those feelings around.
You guys did do some very serious damage to both your marriages and self worth. So do not add to the misery get it off your chest.
Good luck
2007-06-12 11:09:48 · answer #5 · answered by theladygeorge 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your trying to work it out with your own families then leave him alone and get over yourself. Apologize to your own family!!!! Don't worry about him!! Maybe he hasn't apologized because he's busy working on his own life....and hasn't thought about you!!
2007-06-12 11:02:16 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really want to feel better and not burdened anymore, then you'll have to DECIDE to forgive him for whatever you feel he's done to hurt you. Anger and guilt are poison, and sooner or later they will hurt you by making you feel bad about yourself or by turning you into a bitter cynic. So act now....
You do it silently.... If possible, go to a church, If you can't, then you ask God to hear you, and you ask Him to heal you.
You tell Him you don't want to feel like this anymore and that you want to feel better; that you know He loves you and accepts your words. If you have trust in Him and in His infinite power and compassion, you will feel better and you will feel His peace...the kind of peace only He can give.
Been there, done that. It really works....if you offer Him an honest heart and believe in Him. Good luck.....
2007-06-12 11:00:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Apologizing just takes a quick "I'm sorry" and then it's over. When you forgive someone, it takes more than just those words--you actually have to put your heart into it. So forgiving is harder.
2016-03-13 21:52:57 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not understand this whole cheating thing. You let go of the guy you cheated with completely, your hurt feelings, your good feelings, everything. If your husband does not know, DO NOT tell him. You get to live with what you did, and get on your knees and thank God that he did not find out. Instead of holding on to what he did to you, hold on to what you did to you own family, or is it just all about you. Put yourself into your marriage and raising your children. If your husband does know then you have your work cut out for you, providing he has graciously given you a second chance to be a good wife.
2007-06-12 11:15:19 · answer #9 · answered by Ivy_Woman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave him alone you want a lot more than an apology and its not going to happen.he made his choice his wife and family back off and repair your own marriage and family.you can forgive and must,you must forgive yourself also.this can only be done by praying and asking GOD to help you forgive and trust that he will and move forward.life is short do not dwell on the pain there is much good to enjoy.good luck.
2007-06-12 11:01:14 · answer #10 · answered by dixie58 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you may still have feelings for this guy...Girl let go and thank God it's over...He hurt you.....He is not yours,love him from afar real far.You a were never his, that heart that is broken belongs to your husband too. Sounds like therapy is needed for you to heal and find the source of your infidelity, you probably picked him for the very characteristics that ended up hurting you....get some help professional help
2007-06-12 11:00:58 · answer #11 · answered by mygreensilhouette 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋