I am 23 living in Hawaii which is really expensive so i live with my BF's family. We have a 5 mos baby together, not married. We both have full time jobs but he gets paid twice as much as me. I want to join the air force reserves so my child can have the benefits and they can help me pay for school. The thought of Iraq doesnt bother me as much as the thought that if he chose to, he could pretty much leave me homeless, and take away my daughter because his situation would look more appleasing to the courts than mine. Is it selfish of me to want to establish some independence and security or just stupid to think that he would ever leave me (besides this issue, he is a really really great man)? and is it selfish of HIM to not let me join but at the same time not help me so that i can possible give up work and go to school? ps...my daughter currently gets her benefits from me so quitting means no med/dental benefits for the both of us.
2007-06-12 10:36:51 · 14 answers · asked by mum_mum 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your child is your absolute #1 priority for the next 18 years. Quality time with mom is infinitely more valuable than some extra money and benefits. And if he's such a great man, what's keeping you from getting married and giving this child the family she deserves?
2007-06-12 10:44:58 · answer #1 · answered by s;ajf;lakjsd;f 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you willing to give up being with your daughter to be overseas somewhere and possibly never see her again if somthing is to happen? Does your bf know what you are thinking about. It's not right to put off the parenting on just him. These days too many children grow up without both parents and it's hard for them. There would be no way of ever getting custody of your daughter. You would be all over the place all of the time. I hope you rethink this because more then your life is involved here. You have a girl to think about. Maybe later on you could join but do it because you want to. Don't do it for the insurance. Their are plans out there to help those in need of it. It seems hard now but things will work out. Don't go and do something irrational for the benifits. Once you are signed into something like this then there is no turning back.
2007-06-12 19:14:49 · answer #2 · answered by tazzyp01 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm trying to figure out why you want to join the reserves with a baby. You need to talk to a recruiter whether or not you can even join because of your child. You're a single parent and that greatly determines whether or not you can join. I know there's a limit, so please check with a recruiter before you make a final decision. As the wife of a retired Marine, I find it hard to understand why you're willing to go to Iraq and be away from your child during the most important years of his/her life. This is the time you need to bond with your baby, not be away. Believe me, the benefits aren't that great and your pay is going to be very low for a few years. Tricare is the military's insurance for family members and a lot of physicians don't like to participate with it due to their low re-imbursement rates. No it's not selfish of you to want some independence, but you have a child now and that is your first priority.
2007-06-12 18:10:40 · answer #3 · answered by 2Beagles 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, neither one of you can leave and take the child from the other. The court would never let that happen. That one is off the table, so don't worry about it.
Since you are not married, it is reasonable to think about your financial future. I am not sure that I would want to take a chance with the military right now with a 5 month old. Are there any other ways to get your skill level and education up without going into the military?
food for thought......
2007-06-12 17:42:29 · answer #4 · answered by flyfish_777 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well # 1 consider the sacrifies you would have to make, think long and hard about this. Would you rather be indepentent or posibly leave your baby with out a mother? I think the best option would be to get a better job. After you do that talk to your bf about marriage. I think that he would not leave you but its good that you are thinking ahead. Don't join, serve our country by aiding our economy and get a better job. My dad was in the NYPD and yeah thats only police not air force but i worried every night that he would not come home, especially after he was a first reponder to the 9/11 attacks, don't do that to your baby, stay with her- she needs a mother.
2007-06-12 17:46:29 · answer #5 · answered by nylablover93 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, ask yourself this, what is it your child wants from you? I support the military 100% (I have two children in the military right now) but you would have to think, if you go into the reserve you WILL go overseas, perhaps for a year, or longer (they are constantly pushing the months up, they are up to 14-16 months now). How is your daughter going to feel about you being gone for that length of time? What would she rather have, a mother who is in the Middle East (or wherever) or a mother who is home with her?
2007-06-12 17:40:15 · answer #6 · answered by John B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in no way selfish for wanting to join the air force, you only want whats best for you and your child and no one can tell you that's not right. I am 24 and have been with my boyfriend for 9 yrs. we also are not married and i have a 5 yr old and i am 31/2 months pregnant. and i am in the army reserve. that was what was best for my family, and what was best for me. if you believe in what you are going to do than do it, the only advise i have is that joining is a big deal so you have to believe in it and in yourself but if those aren't issues than go for what you know girl!
2007-06-12 17:45:17 · answer #7 · answered by JessikahL 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Aloha Sucosta,
I am a Navy wife & my huband and I have been married for 2 years. I have 2 boys. One from him & my oldest has another father. I feel where you are coming from, for I have been a single mom a few years ago. This is my first time away from home (Honolulu, Hawaii). We're currently in Japan. I like it but I miss home so much!! Also my kids could learn Japan's culture.
It's really up to your heart if you want to join the Air Force Reserves. Where ever you're from, my husband says it's best to sign up there. Just in case you want to stay around family & close friends to help you out with your little one while you're at work or away. So if you're from Hawaii then go for it. I asked my husband about your decision. He says go for it!! Then you'll just be gone for 3 weeks of training. Just note Sucosta being in the reserve you'll get the medical & the time you work. My husband says, if you have your mind made up for going into the reserves do it. If you go straight into the recruiting office make sure this is what you want to do. Make sure you want the Airforce. My husband says, just going to the recruiting office undecided that is how they get people into changing their minds & joining the Army, Marines & Navy. However if you choose active duty you'll get all the full benefits(housing, living allowences..etc.) I don't know too much about the reserves nor Airforce. My husband says it'll be best for you to take reserves. At times my husband wishes he had join the Airforce. Anyways being a new Navy wife .. I am witnessing many families & friends of mines whose husbands or wives are out at sea & some of their kids tend to act out for attention when their parent is away. What's awesome is the military has support programs to help out with whatever needs you want. I'm fortunate my husband is working on shoreduty.. where he is home everyday. But there are times he has to go away & I support him.
Sucosta I grew up all my life in Hawaii,, it's hard to find a great income job. I know it's expensive that is why many of us locals still live with our parents/ families. Have you ever decided on doing at home child care through patch? I do know child care is badly needed in Hawaii. My sisters both did that for years. They make great money!! Also try out for Mortgage or being a realtor in Hawaii. Good luck to you!! keep me updated on your accomplishment!! Mahalo!!
Aloha!!!
2007-06-14 03:42:09 · answer #8 · answered by hawaii_native 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you trust him to take care of your baby while you're in the service but you don't trust him to provide for you? as long as you realize that they can teach your child what ever they want while your gone, and your baby at 5 mos will probably not know you upon your return. go ahead. just prepare yourself for reality when you get home.
2007-06-12 17:58:12 · answer #9 · answered by twosey ♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no its your life do what ever you want to do with it,if you want to go into the air force reserves then go on, nobodys stopping you
2007-06-12 17:40:13 · answer #10 · answered by Debby B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋