A question for the married men...?

Question

with children and full time jobs. If your wife stays at home with your children, what do you do (besides work full time to support your family)? I was just wondering if I expect too much.
I stay at home with our children...and I also take care of...
-the finances
-laundry
-cooking (and all of the clean up afterwards)
-dishes
-housecleaning
-appointments for everyone (including the K-9)
-shopping (he does help with grocery shopping)
-garbage (he puts it out on garbage day...after I get it ready)

Don't get me wrong, I love & appreciate my husband...But he doesn't "help" with the kids much. He isn't home a lot after work, so all of the child care falls on me (which is fine). I just get frustrated sometimes when he won't even mow the lawn (we have a tiny yard).

Your input would be GREATLY appreciated!! Thank you for reading my long question!!

I don't know if anyone will read this so long after the fact, but I need to address a couple of people who answered me...

1. I do work outside of the home 2 nights a week.
2. My kids aren't school age yet.
3. I HAVE discussed this with my husband.
4. We aren't in a situation to hire a babysitter for a night out.

Answer 1

It may seem like you have to deal with the tasks like
-kids
-Laundry
-Dishes
-housecleaning
-ETC...
all day long and he just goes somewhere for 8-12 hours everyday. Well let me assume that he doesnt go to disneys play land for adults all day either. The place he goes everyday doesnt have couches and Maury Povich playing in the background or nap times and he may not be his own boss. Now i'm being very stereotypical but often housewives feel as if they have been working hard all day when the husband went to this peaceful, magical, restful, place. No matter what you believe the amount of physical or mental depending on what kind of job is probably higher in a workplace than it is in a home setting. Children are hard work too, dont get me wrong but ask yourself, Who would you rather spend time with all day. Your children or your Boss?

Answer 2

My wife and I had this discussion after we were first married. My thought was this ( and she agreed at the time)
If we both outside of the home then we split the house hold stuff.
If one or the other stayed home with the children then the house stuff was part of the "job" of taking care of kids. It is a big job and is not well paying, but it is just as manageable as any other job. If you really think about it the chores can be almost all done by noon. and if all of your kids are in school you have all day (or the time that they are in school to yourself).
I work 40+ hours a week outside of the house. The kids takes of the trash and their own rooms. I take of all the yard work except the flowers that she does not trust me with. She takes care everything else. Now the finances I am involved with but she balances the check book and makes sure the bills get paid on time. I have worked 2 jobs at a time so that she can be home for our children - that is a value we hold dear that one parents is home for the kids. I would never stop her from working outside of the house but she likes the arrangement.
I hope this help a little.

Answer 3

a little more input would be nice.You listed all your gripes but we didn't hear anything about his side.You say he isn't home that long after work.is he running to the bar or is his job that demanding? I work 2 jobs.about 65 hours a week.now give travell time and the expected sh!t,shower,shve and eat when I get in and my time is even more limited.those things easily add 1-1/2 hours to my day.I do the yard work when I can but my wife does her part of it also.whoever sees the trash can after it is emptied is expected to put it in the garage.You are a house wife i assume? I believe you said you stay home with the kids? doesn't school give you a break? how about nap time if they are not in school? if they dont nap and arent in school then that is a problem you created on yourself.Yes I expect my wife to clean,do dishes and run errands.sometimes i cook.during the summer I do 90% of the cooking since it is mainly done on the grill.You are complaining about something that all housewifes pawn off as their career.try getting a job and let him stay home with the kids.I would do it if it were an option.if you feel that it should be split 50/50 then maybe you should also go out and work a 40+ hour week.

Answer 4

I'm not married but had to answer this. Marriage is a two person community and I have always felt that it should be split 50-50 as far as chores and things like that. Both should have an equal hand in raising the kids and if you do the cooking he should do the dishes if you do the laundry he should do (or majorly help out with) the housecleaning. He should mow the yard while you're probably better at the finances. He should be spending most of his afterwork time with you and the kids and not away from home. That's just my thoughts.

Answer 5

Most scenarios are so varied. Often, the person who works in corporate America has a much worse situation working 45 hours a week than the partner (male or female) that works at home 60 or more hours a week. It depends on the situation. It "should" be more of a joy for your husband to contribute more in the home. There ARE a lot of women today that can't keep score in a logical and fair manner. If you've checked with male and female sources, and you're the one getting the short end of the stick, gently assert yourself.

Answer 6

As a house husband who used to work, I understand both sides of the coin.

Depending on the job, the spouse who is working a full-time job has a different level of labor, as it usually requires alot of psychological labor and stress with coworkers and bosses, as well as what ever physical labor it requires. Also there is the concept of deadlines or working to get things finished within or by quitting time, and designated lunch and break times.

The spouse who is home with the kids has more physical labor, but then has a smaller psychological level of stress, with kids than a large group of people, has less problems cos those kids can't say 'You're fired!' if you eat or take breaks when needed. There are less time restrictions in some of the things as a House-parent, because you can manage time wisely and stretch things out in a day than force them into a 8 hour work shift.

I have full respect and admiration for both sides of it, but both sides need to realize there is balance when you take the mental and physical strains involved. If he can't find time to mow the lawn, suggest he work a few extra hours and pay someone to do it if he can't work it in. But both should stay focused on the pros and cons of each side of the labors in the family unit. My wife works while I stay home with the kids and even as an assistant manager, she's got the stress of getting calls and problems even when she ain't on the clock. Better to keep an open mind than to jump into arguements. Talk before shouting, things always can work out in relationships if you both put your heads together.

Answer 7

Although i dont have children i understand you. Do you know if he's willing to help? Just doesnt know how? or...? You do your share, and he does his. He gets paid, that's his motivation. You do things because it's life and it's necessary for the household. Tell him that you know he does a lot for you and appreciates things he does for you, but sometimes you're tired of handling everything at home because it can become a lot. If you cook dinner and whatnot, maybe see if he can put the kids to sleep - and do all the "nighttime" things so you can get to rest sooner. Ask him if he can maybe massage your back and just let him know if he cant totally help you - maybe a schedule board will help where if he's free on the wkends he can mow the grass every other wkend, and cook dinner or get take out a night or two? By laying everything out on paper for him to realize what you DO - he may get the picture and you can see what he's willing to do on a schedule so he can't avoid it. Good luck!

Answer 8

I don't know, I do all of that ... honestly, (my wife works also, but we have similar jobs and similar hours) and I do the laundry, shopping, yard work, groceries, make the meals, do the dishes, take out the garbage, and do the vacuuming.

With my first wife, she stayed home with the children and it was understood between us, that my job was to go out there earn some bucks and her job was to stay at home and do all of the things I could not. Ironically, she threw me out when I started doing too much around the house because, as she put it, I made her feel "useless".

Answer 9

To be honest, sounds like you are too dependent on him, financially. If something was to happen, how would you support your family?

If you feel overwhelmed, are the kids in school yet? Find activities outside of the house, picnics at the park, swimming, bowling, etc. Can someone babysit, so you and your husband can have time alone together?

Do you have a ladies night out? How about getting a part time job, not just to help out financially, but to get away from the children, and get to miss them.

I would rather have a workaholic husband, than a lazy one.

Good luck.

Answer 10

Well I work between 60 and 80 hrs a week, out of town. When I get home I pay the bills, grocery shop, run any other errands since my wife doesn't drive, mow the lawn, cook, try to find time to visiy my father and time to spend with my wife.