I am 3 months pregnant with twins. My parents, who are both smokers (my mother is a chain smoker), are so excited. We all are. They keep saying how they can't wait to set up a room for the babies and start keeping them and having them over, etc, etc. Well, I have a problem with that because of them smoking in the house. My mom already has an attitude because I don't want her smoking around me while I'm pregnant (She always says "I smoked the whole time I was pregnant with you and your brothers, and you are all fine!" Yeah-not the point.) I don't smoke and neither does my husband. How can I tell them, without being cruel, that these babies will not be spending the night at their house because of all the cigarette smoke?
2007-06-12 10:31:49 · 14 answers · asked by Lotus 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
My husband is adamant that the babies will not be there very much because of the smoking.
2007-06-12 10:37:26 · update #1
Be calm. Be positive.. Be very, very firm.
I would drop the subject for now. Wait till the babies are here. Then, of course, the babies will be with you for ages while still very young & no babysitting. If your mum starts to insist on 'time' with her then just say "No. Sorry, they are too young".
As the children get older you have choices.
1) Just always have an excuse for not letting them over to your parents.
2) When you do 'visit' your parents try to go outside the house into the fresh air & not sit inside amongst the smoke.
2) Just straight out tell your parents that studies have shown how harmful passive smoking is around 'anyone' let alone new children.
You must remain strong on this but don't get into heated arguments with your parents. You are the parent of these children & it's your call. Tell your mum you don't want to take any chances with your childrens health.
Don't believe your mum if she 'promises' not to smoke aroung the children if they are in her care - she will smoke. Her attitude is very selfish.
Relax & be sure that you have made the right decision. There will be plenty of times to share the children without putting them into danger.
2007-06-12 10:47:40 · answer #1 · answered by Kathy T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You simply say what your last line said. Tell them your doctor, as well as your future ped, have all suggested that no one smokes around the babies. Ask if they are willing to just have a "smoking room" they can keep shut off from the kids, or even go outside the smoke. Thats what my friend did with her chain smoking in-laws, worked out pretty well.
2007-06-12 17:37:06 · answer #2 · answered by layla983 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had that same issue with my mother in law. I just bluntly told her that if she didn't respect my wishes, then my baby wouldn't come over. She didn't like it much, but she did as I asked her to. I do not tolerate smoking around me while I am pregnant nor will I tolerate it when my baby girl gets here. My son is 3 years old now and I still don't like people to smoke around him. Second hand smoke is just disgusting and nasty.
2007-06-12 17:47:15 · answer #3 · answered by violentbeauty6 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her flat out that she is welcome to stay at your house to spend as much time as she wants with the baby, but under no circumstance will she be allowed to smoke in your house. The baby will not be in her home either, unless she agrees to smoke outside only!!! If she argues, have her talk to your baby's dr, he can try to set her straight. If she has to make a choice between her grandchild and her cigarettes she will hopefully make the right choice.
2007-06-12 17:38:41 · answer #4 · answered by parental unit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you have to do what you think is best. If you don't want your child over there because of the smoking, then say so and stick to your guns. You can't NOT hurt their feelings about it. Its your baby, not theirs.
Who knows, that may be the thing to get them to quit for good.
2007-06-12 17:38:44 · answer #5 · answered by *Syncere* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just need to come on out and say it....I too would not want my child/children staying there...its bad for them and the babies!!My husband smokes and I straight up told him that he had to go outside and could not smoke around me nor our son and he complied!! If they respect you they will stop smoking at least inside!
2007-06-12 17:38:20 · answer #6 · answered by tll 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just out right tell them. Which is actually what I did with a friend of mine that made a comment about my son visiting them. Told them not as long as you smoke, because asthma runs in the family, so does lung problems. As told them we would discuss the matter when they quit smoking.
2007-06-12 17:37:26 · answer #7 · answered by Elizabeth P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
be honest, explain that since you were a foetus science has proved continuously how bad smoking and passive smoking is for you. just be honest. its hard but worth it in the long run and maybe if you speak up now they might make an effort to stop before they arrive or start smoking outside. good luck
2007-06-12 17:39:09 · answer #8 · answered by bluebella 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell them. you think you have it bad...
i refuse to let anyone hold my baby who smokes. im very anti smoke and second hand smoke is worse!
my father has not quit smoking because i refuse to let anyone who smokes hold the baby.. and its not hey i quit smoking a week ago..its gonna be a quit a few months ago. we have lots of friends who smoke...but not around me and well they dont get to hold the baby.
i know rude BUT smoking is horrible
2007-06-12 17:37:13 · answer #9 · answered by Sara S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had to do the exact same thing with my mom, the first time I kindly told her about what we had decided she was irate, then when we saw eachother again she tried to change my mind and I just told her if you have confidence in the way you raised me then let me make my own decisions, if I am wrong I will learn the hard way. There is no easy way to do it, it just has to be done.
2007-06-12 17:37:40 · answer #10 · answered by Amanda 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋