My husband is a wonderful man, he works hard at work (not at home), he is a good dad and he loves me. But It seems as though he does not understand about the stuff that keeps a marriage alive. He is a firm believer that you don't have to try any more once you are married and he only has to be pleasant and sweet to me when he wants "lovin". He spends more than we will ever make in a life time, and he refuses to work with me on a budget. He tells me "stop worrying everything will be fine because I said so". It is like he floats on this cloud believing he has life by the *** and does not realize that you have to maintain everything in your life in order to keep it. I have stopped trying to talk to him about it because I am not getting through to him. Anyone have "real" advice.
2007-06-12 09:54:36 · 10 answers · asked by Ladybug 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thank you to all of you that have answered (the first 14). I hardly ask anything like this on here knowing that some people answer in a demeaning way. My husband and I have been together for 6 years, married close to one. And we have gone through a whole lot (anything you can think of we have gone through it), and I am sure that there will always be bumps (always). Anyhoo, all your advice is useful and I will attempt most of it. In time I am sure the large wrinkles will iron out. Thanks!
2007-06-12 13:22:18 · update #1
Go see a pastoral counselor. Either spouse in a marriage can say "we have an issue here and even if you think we don't, what is happening (or not happening) is upsetting to me, so therefore we have an issue." This is what makes good marriages work. If he dismisses the whole thing, well then why he reacts that way and doesn't understand that this hacks you off, that is the real issue.
2007-06-12 09:59:00 · answer #1 · answered by lmnop 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Normally I'd never suggest this but if your main problem in your relationship revolves around money than you two need to divide your accounts. You should each have a personal checking account and then an account for your bills where you put in equal amounts each month. You then manage your stuff and let him learn to manage his. At least this way you'll still be able to afford a pair of shoes every once and awhile. And maybe then he'll realize that he has to work to maintain the money.
As far as him not trying anymore on your relationship you may have to be harsh to get your point across. Don't sugar coat it. If you have to hurt his feelings than do it. Honesty is best.
2007-06-12 17:02:41 · answer #2 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some reading material to consider:
Relationship Rescue, Phil McGraw
Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman
Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix
2007-06-12 16:58:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This might sound like an easy answer, but honestly there is nothing anyone here can really say to help, because everyone is different. So I recommend marriage counseling. Tell your husband how you feel. When he disagrees with you, explain to him that you disagree, and you feel the only way to constructively work through this is to go to marriage counseling. A marriage counselor can provide you with an objective and fair mediator that will help you indentify your problems and help you come up with fair and constructive solutions and strategies. If he won't go, then go yourself. That may motivate him to join you, and even if not, it really will open your eyes. I highly recommend it! Good luck!
2007-06-12 16:58:39 · answer #4 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He, quite honestly, hasn't grown up yet. It sounds like he is headed in the right direction, he at least works to earn a paycheck. He needs for someone to tell him the ealities of life. Is there someone who can talk to him for you that he will listen to? If he isn't listening to you find someone he will listen to. The book Relationship Rescue by Dr. Phil McGraw is really good. It may help you some but it doesn't sound like you'll have much luck getting him to read it.
2007-06-12 17:07:43 · answer #5 · answered by GPHS 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So he's a wonderful man, works hard to provide for you and the kids, is a wonderful dad, you know he loves you, and he still wants to make love. Yes, you need some marriage counseling.
2007-06-12 16:59:33 · answer #6 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People should live within their own means.
I would start up a separate checking acct and transfer what you need to HELP pay the bills.
Both of you should only contributing your fair half.
Anything let over is up to the individual to decide to spend or save.
2007-06-12 17:28:16 · answer #7 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he probably doesnt understand the severity of the situation, when i cant talk to my man i just write him a letter and be very direct, he will read it and then he will understand and take you more seriously, because sometimes men dont listen until its too late.
2007-06-12 17:00:20 · answer #8 · answered by VJS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well then I guess it works both ways because you don't get it either. How many clues does he have to drop before you see the big picture.
2007-06-12 16:59:06 · answer #9 · answered by Ray2play 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thant's a hard one. You probably knew he was hardheaded when you married him. You can't force someone to change they have to want to. Something has to happen for him so go "humm..maybe she was right"
2007-06-12 16:58:50 · answer #10 · answered by abstract_alao 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋