DO I have a right to be offended? My finace just told me he wants to do a pre-nup. He makes 100K, I make 35K.

Question

We're gettiing married in 70 days. He is 40 and has never been married. He is established but by no means rich. He states it's a fairly standard practice.
We each have an daughter from previous relationships. He says he's doing it to protect her--if he died
tomorrow, he wants to make sure she isn't left w/ nothing. I understand he wants to protect his 401k, retirement that he has earned thus far in life. But at the same time, by him asking for the pre-nup he is making me feel like he has no faith in me and it isn't going to last."  He says, "I'm not doubtful. I expect it to last forever, or i wouldnt do it. I love you verymuch." He's trying to convince me that this is a normal thing to do. I NEED HELP PEOPLE!!!!!!!
 

Answer 1

I don't think there's anything to be offended about. It's a practical thing. When you wear a seatbelt in the car, does this mean that you think you're going to get into an auto accident? I don't know about you, but most of the time, the thought of getting into an accident doesn't enter my mind, I wear a seatbelt merely as a precaution against an unlikely event. I think, your fiancé views it in the same way, and it is in no way a reflection of how he feels about you or your marriage. A pre-nup can protect you as well, make sure to have your own lawyer look it over before you sign in. Life has a lot of practical aspects to it, it's not all butterflies and roses. I'm sure it is in part due to his practicality that your fiancé is successful, and is not living from paycheck to paycheck right now. Appreciate him for who he is, and don't let the mundanities get in the way of your happiness.

Answer 2

Well, he does want to protect what's there and I'll tell you that it's not that he has no confidence in you two but it would be foolish not to hedge against the possibility of a failed marriage.

Also, after a certain point, (about 7-10 years) a pre-nup is worthless. So, if you believe that you two will be together that long then it's just a piece a paper after that, If you think you're pulling out after 5 then a pre nup is in his best interest.

So, the question before you is: How much do you believe in you two as a couple?

Answer 3

First of all, a pre-nup only protects his assets in the case of divorce -- NOT death. That would be covered by a WILL. Just an FYI - you can share that little tidbit with him if you want...or not.

Secondly, there's nothing wrong with a pre-nup if it will make him happy and shut him up. I am morally opposed to them personally, but still signed on the dotted line just to get it over with and get my husband off my back.
My opinion is that if a person wants out of a marriage badly enough, the last thing they're going to do is sit there and bicker over the kids' savings accounts!
Speaking from experience, when I'd had enough and decided to leave, I took just what I could carry and that was that.

A final note: Pre-nups are NOT set in stone. If you decided to screw your husband over, a GOOD attorney could find all sorts of ways to twist the stupid document around and get him in the end (take THAT any way you want! ;-P ).

So I say just let him have his stupid pre-nup. If you want to get married (or divorced, for that matter), you're not going to let this level of pettiness get in the way.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I personally would not find it offensive because how I look at it, a pre-nuptial agreement not only protects his assets but it "protects the few assets you have" from him putting you in the streets with nothing. So if a pre-nup is needed be sure to include your assets that you want to protect from him.
I am dating a man now that makes more than I do and he has asked me to move in with him 3 times. I have declined his offer at present but I told him that if that day ever comes around we will sign a pre-nup even though there will never be a marriage. I own my house and I want to protect that investment from ever being half of his if our relationship doesn't work out. Nothing is guarenteed except paying taxes and death, so instead of taking a chance, protect yourself and your child.

Answer 5

I understand his position but I definitely think you have a right to be offended also. If you guys are in love and want to spend the rest of your lives together a pre-nup should not be necessary. He can take care of his daughter in a will so if he dies she will be provided for the way he desires. You two need to sit down and talk about this before you get married so it won't be a bone of contention throughout your marriage.

Answer 6

I agree with many other people here....I understand how you feel, but I can also see his point of view.

If you were brought up to believe you only marry once and that it is a lifelong commitment, this kind of thing freaks you out because it makes you question a lot of things...

I don't want to think many people get married with the idea of : "Let's try this out and see what happens...If it doesn't work out, we can always get a divorce."....But unfortunately, we see it everyday: people who were once so in love are now separated or thinking about divorcing. He sounds like an intelligent man, and one who uses his head before he acts on feelings.

Money is a serious issue, and you need to talk this over with him. If you really love him and plan on being with him forever, then sign the prenup....and to make it equal, have him sign one your lawyer can draft.

The idea is to show him that yes, you trust and love him- that's why you are signing his....But he should also show you he understands by signing yours...You have to protect your child as well.
IF he has trouble with this, RED FLAGS....
Fair is fair....Good luck.

Answer 7

A pre-nup is a competent theory because you get to go back to a decision the words of your marriage settlement really than leaving the information as a lot because the state. you could imagine your state regulation handles marriage and divorce completely, yet state regulations are difficulty to regulate. in the present day there isn't any penalty for leaving a wedding ceremony with out reason. Your better 1/2 is basically as entitled to newborn-help, alimony, and/or community property if she* cheats on you and then leaves you as she might want to in case you cheat on her and go away. some human beings don't like it that way. a freelance that has consequences for violation is a better settlement. * - the asker looks male

Answer 8

I don't know enough of the legal issues surrounding his daughter and how she would potentially lose out if you two got a divorce. So maybe he has a legitimate point there.

But in general, I do not think prenups are standard - at least not in my world. And "my world" consists of the income levels you and your fiance are making, so it's not like I am filthy rich or dirt poor.

He may be acting on the advice of a good friend or even a lawyer. But I think it is worth talking about more.

Good luck

Answer 9

Ok...I personally would nto sign a pre-nup. If you are that dis-trustful why get married? The only situation in which i think a pre-nup is necessary is if this is a second marriage and there are kids involved. Kids need to be protected. Other than that I would never sign one. Whatever happened to trust. So he makes more? So What? Together you guys will be worth 135K. I think it leads to other problems. When you go on vacation are you using his money or your money? Is the house only going to be in his name because he is making more? What ever happened to trust and what is mine is yours and what yours is mine. If you were making more would he sign a pre-nup. I cant tell you what to do but I don't like pre-nups.

Answer 10

Pre-nuptials are very common these days. And I would not be offended, even though he makes more money than you. I think in some ways, it may also protect your own daughter as well, in case something happens to you. You would want your daughter to inherit your money, and not him, especially since he is not her biological dad, right?

And you know best if you truly feel loved by him or not...so you will have to decide on this one. But if he loves you very much, and you really love him. Then just don't be offended but consider as a way to protect your own daughter as well.