My sex drive has increased since having my daughter and he says he wants it but doesnt do anything. I try starting it for awhile and get sick of always being the one to initiate it. I thought men are supposed to pursue. I dont mind going after him but i would like to feel like i'm wanted to. He has had a problem with porn in the past and sometimes i feel like because I dont look like a whore he doesnt want me. Its also been almost two years since his mother and sister died and sometimes I feel like he blames me for not being around them more when I told him I didnt care what he did just not to force me to be around people who wanted to get rid of me anyway. I did love them too and wanted things to work out with them but they were mad because my he chose me over them. Anyway I dont want to leave . I love him very much and we almost never disagree about how to handle the kids. I dont know what to do. He commits himself to his job and sports but not to me or what I care about. HELP!!!
2007-06-12 09:44:56 · 11 answers · asked by answerteam 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have talked to him about it over and over. I love him very much and we have talked about what happened with his mother and sister and I am glad that he is interested in sportsand is able to do them. I support him completely because his mother and family never let him when he was younger. He says they would always call him to do something for them or when his dad had gotten him a car and he was wrestling his step-dad broke the car and wouldnt fix it and they wouldnt take him to practice so the year his high school went to state he didnt get to be in the big pic because he had to drop out because he lost his ride. I am not into masturbation. I find it gross and have never done it. eeww. The porn has greatly decreased the last time i know of was almost exactly 3 months ago. Again he says he's interested and doesnt do anything. He likes it when I lead and gets really turned on. Even the next day he will tell me stuff like last night was really nice without me saying anything. What to do.
2007-06-12 10:43:32 · update #1
Lets take the points you make in order.
"My sex drive has increased" "I try starting it for awhile and get sick of always being the one to initiate it. I thought men are supposed to pursue"
Sex should be about sharing, not conquest!!
"He has had a problem with porn in the past"
He enjoyed porn, and you moaned and groaned about it until a harmless diversion was a problem.
"Its also been almost two years since his mother and sister died and sometimes I feel like he blames me for not being around them more when I told him I didnt care what he did just not to force me to be around people who wanted to get rid of me anyway"
It seens that you have not been too supportive of him when he needed it, but now expect him to me supportive of all your wants needs and desires.
Try something new. Instead of looking at the flaws in your relationship, try to support him. He lost two people very important to him, and no matter what you say, your actions made it clear that it did not bother you much. He never had time to grieve the losses, and now you are still trying to change him!! You have children, that you both love and he is involved with.
"He commits himself to his job and sports but not to me or what I care about"
He works and has other activities that he enjoys. It sounds to me that he has a busy life, and your pressure is not helping. You want him to commit to things that are important to you,, but you did not commit or even help when he was dealing with the loss of two close family members!! You need to take a good look at yourself, and understand that the world does not revolve around you alone!!
Additional based on added information:
"I support him completely because his mother and family never let him when he was younger" "his step-dad broke the car and wouldnt fix it and they wouldnt take him to practice so the year his high school went to state he didnt get to be in the big pic"
It sounds like he came from a controling family, and left them to marry you. You seem to have the same type of personality as members of his family, which is not uncommon. People tend to be attracted to what they know as normal!
"I am not into masturbation. I find it gross and have never done it. eeww" Unless you are comfortable with your own body, it is hard to accept your own sexuality. You seem to think that there is only one "right" way to have sexual pleasure, and what your husband to stay within those limits also. You do not masturbate, you do not aprove of porn, you think that if you dress sexy you look like a whore. Relax and enjoy life, including your sexual activities!!
"He likes it when I lead and gets really turned on. Even the next day he will tell me stuff like last night was really nice without me saying anything"
Again this goes back to being raised in a controling household. He is not aggressive about his desires, because he has been rejected too many times, He has taken on a more passive role, and when you are a bit aggresive, he not only responds, but tells you later how much he liked it.
You need to be willing to expand your views of normal activities. Once you start with more than the basics (if you understand) you will find a more satisfying closeness! You have to be willing to accept that what you think of as "strange" is actually quite normal!
2007-06-12 10:00:36 · answer #1 · answered by fire4511 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well If I see two guys hugging, I don't assume they're gay, but unfortunately not everyone is the the same. I'm personally fine if one of my freinds comes up and hugs me, but some people are. I don't want to be like " Hey, love you man" and then have them get weirded out. It does seem like it has become more socially exceptable in the last few years. I hope that continues.
2016-04-01 04:05:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about it. Gotta get those feelings out on the table.
Pron habit probably is not helping. See if he can cut that down.
I have the opposite problem, talking helped my wife and I get closer and more on the same page between the sheets.
2007-06-12 09:49:35 · answer #3 · answered by DC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two have far too many issues to be concerning yourself with sex at the moment...you need to get into marriage counseling and figure out how to get past the resentments the two of you are building up & the lack of communication.
2007-06-12 09:50:16 · answer #4 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have the opposite problem...
but if wife suddenly started wanting sex, I'd be kinda hohum about it. I've all but quit initiating it.
Not that your situation is identical, but I understand.
Masturbation is less work, less sweat and sometimes just as gratifying. Need help?
2007-06-12 09:51:11 · answer #5 · answered by scott_v1963 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i had a simular problem, i had my wife join Jenny Craig, and she lost like 25 pounds in like 3 mounths. She just about back to her sexy self from 15 years ago......
I broke up with my girlfriend and now I'm happy with my wife again... I think about her alot and she's real pretty again..
Now I'm the one who is always horney and allways up on her... she has to shue my away...
Hey some guys just like chicks that look like whores. Buy some lingere for him, the teddy with the thigh highs and garter belt... i'm sure that will do the trick... but make sure you hit Jenny Craig frist...
I know this answer sounds rude, but it is the truth.
2007-06-12 09:54:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I am a dumb guy, I was really unromantic until my girlfriend told me how lame I was I felt really bad. Maybe you should tell him what you want. We are sometimes just not tuned in to what our partners need. When I take flowers to my girlfriend at work for no reason the other girls get real jealous and she likes it. I like to see her happy. I needed direction. If he really loves you he will do it.
2007-06-12 09:51:47 · answer #7 · answered by Big T 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you can't get him to discuss it or to meet your needs, I would try a marriage counselor. Just suggesting it will "shake him up" and the counselor may be able to help.
Before I did that, I would ask him what would get him more interested. Can you two go out on a romantic date and talk about your sex life? It may help.
2007-06-12 09:50:31 · answer #8 · answered by hottotrot1_usa 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Go to a sex store. Get a toy... or two... or even three. If he's not meeting your needs, meet your own. When he sees it, he'll want to join in, turn him down. Tell him it does for you what porn does for him, and if you can't join in with him while he's playing with the porn, he can't interrupt you when you're playing with your battery operated boyfriends.
2007-06-12 09:56:26 · answer #9 · answered by daeraelle 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Tell him wht you feel .... that the only thing .. talk it out
2007-06-12 09:48:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋