My MARRIED Lover wants to leave his wife 4 me,I'm SCARED/CONFUSED.We agreed, it was just 4 FUN,now his serious

Question

READ TO UNDERSTAND OTHERWISE DON"T BOTHER TO ANSWER.We are both married & both curious about people outside our races.We agreed to try it, just once.Oh Well, that once turned into 2 yrs.He has been married for 6yrs, has 2 kids,I ve been married for 4yrs & no kids.I know we were wrong,so you can call me all the names you want BUT thats not my question now.The problem is he has taken this affair very serious.He filed for his divorce 2 months ago & moved out of the house he shared with his wife.He wants me to do the same.I can't to leave my Husband yet bcoz,I want him(my husband)to father my children.My husband & I plan to ve children in 3yrs when we buy a house for the children.My lover says he can father my children but i want to ve 100% black children.He has a 100% pure white kids.I don't want to ve kids that will be confused & bullied bcoz they are mixed.Mixed kids in my days at school were bullied.My husband is Afrocentric, dislikes white people.I'm confused, what should I do?

I do not want to hear from angry people who say “I hate these black & white questions”. Guess what? I’m in a Black & White situation. I really like(maybe more than like but I can’t call it love yet) my lover.ONCE AGAIN I KNOW WE ARE WRONG FOR CHEATING ON OUR SPOUSES but it has happened & yes I take responsibility of my actions.How can I get out of this? How can I explain to my Lover that I like him but I can’t ve children with him. He (my lover) says our children together will still be black but what he does not understand is that, there is a difference in our Black community(well at least the community I grew up in) between being 100% black and mixed.I know my thinking about this, maybe flawed but it’s the way I feel about it for now. If I were to leave my husband for this guy,my husband would make my life a leaving hell NOT only because I cheated but bcoz he calls white people “The enemy”.So I will basically be sleeping with his enemy.What would you do i do if you were in my shoes

Answer 1

You need to dump the lover and stay with your husband. The bible says you reap what you sow. So, you need to get on your knees and repent to God. I guarantee if you don't do that, your affair will come back to haunt you and your life will literally be a living hell.

Answer 2

Here's the thing,,,, forget about the w\b thing, cause that is totally accepatble nowadays, plus mixed kids are usually really hot.

The real problem is your relationship with this guy. It already seems you are not really in love with him, and that you just don't know how to tell him that... you should start by telling him, that you don't think you can do this casue you still love your husband, and that you want him to be the father of your kids not cause you want 100 black, but cause you know he is the better man...

So pick up the phone, or I'm sure you just IM his a s s, and tell him it was fun while it lasted but you knew it was gonna end....

It hurts, and no one wins... he'll get over it faster if you cut him loose.... don't keep giving him hope tht you will leave your husband for him... trust me, you think your life will be better with this new guy, but you see part of the thrill you got from this guy was the fact that you were cheating and that he is white. So once the cheating goes away the spice of the affair will most likeley go away..

good luck, stay with you man....

Answer 3

You have a real mess on your hands, and I fully understand where you are coming from. Unfortunately, I see only one solution...and you are not going to like this one bit...YOU must tell your husband about what has been going on AFTER you end what has been going on...if you don't, your white boyfriend will find a way to tell him, and it will be even more unpleasant. I have no words of advice, but it is time to own up, take the consequences, and see where it leads. I hope it doesn't go to divorce court, but I cannot imagine that it won't, can you? As for the kids, you will get them, start all over again. You obviously have a lot on the ball, so I wouldn't worry about getting a new husband. But....yep, been in the same boat, had to spill the beans and take the lumps...I lived to fight another day. In the end, all were happier for the honesty..and no, I didn't stay married....it was NOT my choice, but I knew the chances when I played the game, and I lost. I found happiness again, and you will too. I just don't see any other alternative, do you? And get rid of the looser who thinks he is black...tell him he isn't! IT will be a big shock to him that every black woman doesn't fall all over herself to get a white, but that is how the cookie crumbles, isn't it? Good luck and find some peace.

Answer 4

Some People have interesting lives...If you wanted "100%" black kids, why did you get nvolved with a white man. I hear you when you say you were curious but do you know the that sometimes the consequences of having sex are children. Did you not think of the possibility of getting pregnant in the two year you have been with this white guy ..Now look what you made him do..

he has left his wife for you and now you want out. You must have seen this coming. I'm sure he must have been saying things like"i want to spend the rest of my life with you" and other things. You will know when a man takes you serious.That was the time you should have broken it off.

i don't believe you did not have the slightest idea that he wanted to be with you seriously. I bet you wanted to see if he really loved you and could leave his WHITE wife for you and when he did, you got scared.

Answer 5

This situation is in your hands, and in your control.
First of all, you do not have to tell your lover the actual reason for not leaving your husband, and you do not tell your husband anything at the present time.
Usually, divorce takes a long time, especially when there are kids involved, so it may be a while till your lover is free of his wife.
You understand, that once you have children yourself, you may choose to never leave your husband and put your kids through divorce and a step parent that is white, while they, their mom and dad are black, it will be difficult regardless. Notwithstanding that your husband will not let you go so easily with his children, may sue you for custody, point you out as an unfit parent, and will have a total hissy fit regarding who you move in with. If he believes all white folk are the enemy, do you really think he will let a white guy raise his kids?
I truly suggest you take a break from your lover, possibly for good, obviously, you are not ready to divorce, and it does not make sense to have kids with someone your are planning on divorcing. You had your jollies, it was never meant to be serious, do not get in any deeper.
Tell your lover that it's over, or that you need time to sort things out, and try to cut all ties, give your marriage another shot. And, most importantly woman, do not, DO NOT, confess to your husband regarding this.
Good luck, be strong.

Answer 6

Every coin has 2 sides and I'm sure with the world changing you don't want your children to grow into white haters. Sounds as if they will if you have kids with a man who calls them the enemy So I would tell them both to hit the road. unless u can truely look inside yourself and figure out who u love. The lover I have no clue on other than he sounds really into u. I think children should be brought up in a family full of love. So that they can be good well rounded individuals. I just don't believe the hole color issue anymore and think it's losing its ground and people are becoming more open.Either way good luck.

Answer 7

I am not so shocked about your affair. You and your lover are adults and you made a decision of infidelity together, but your lover now wants to cross the boundary you both drew for your relationship. What shocks me is your reasons to have pure black kids. Sorry but seems like your want to raise an army of Black Panthers.

In my opinion what will bring this world closer is integration of all different races. That is one thing that will eliminate segregation based on color. I am Asian Indian married to a Caucasian, and we have beautiful kids together. We raise them to respect all race, cast, religion, color, etc.

I think you would be OK with non pure black kids, but I think you are very afraid of your current husband who think that the white is the enemy. And your question here very clearly reflects that fear. Because if you that strongly believed in being black you would not have had an affair with a white man. And also if your lover was black, you would have left your husband in an heart beat. But like I said you fear him, you fear being labeled a traitor

You can have non pure black kids and you can raise them in a non black and non white community. You can raise them to be compassionate, better and humble humans.

I really feel sad when education people try to segregate themselves based on color rather then finding a solution to narrowing the gap. Pure Black kids.... seriously sounds like you are planning on raising an army to take over the white nation. Now we fear the Arabs, you give me a reason to fear black people.

In Addition:
Leave both your husband and your love, do some soul searching. What do you really want and you might surprise yourself. Get some counseling to help you through this. A white lover doe not make you a progressive thinker, you have to act and live like one.

Answer 8

This is a recipe for a disaster...Any way you look at it, it is really a nuclear explosion, just waiting to happen...!

I guess others have already told you you messed up---BIG TIME - so I won't repeat it.

But if you really want to climb out of this hole you are in, you should go to therapy TODAY and find out WHY you have done this to yourself...!

Affairs usually start out as "fun" and with a "no strings attached" mutual agreement; but you have discovered people and situations change...You have to talk to your lover and tell him you don't love him anymore so he backs off...

Then, you pray that your husband never finds out about this, because I'm afraid you could not only end up divorced- but also in a hospital...! (And go to counseling or therapy-you obviously need it because you have some serious issues to deal with...!)

I really hope you learn a lot of lessons from this experience...

Answer 9

I feel for you in this position yet i have been on the recieving end of having being cheated on. You need to look at exactly why you turned to this other man when you are married. What are you missing in your marriage that you needed to look for else where? This is going to be a very difficult decision to make, the only thing is that if you do not choose to leave your husband for this other man is he likely to tell your husband? Would it not be best to tell your husband before someone else does? You maybe need to sit down and 'list' reasons as to why you want to be with each man. Can you say that you love this man? There seem to be so many un answered questions. I wish you luck in this position as it not going to be easy for you or anyone else. But also try to put yourself in the position of being your husband. How would you feel if you had been cheated on? I dont believe this question is based on the colour of your skin or of your future children, that should not matter. It should be based on whom you love, who you want to spend the rest of your life with and who would make a great father for your children. Good Luck

Answer 10

You've gotten yourself in quite the pickle haven't you? The only advice I can give is, don't have children with either of these men. You don't say you love either of them. You want to have children with your husband before you leave him so your kids aren't mixed race, but what kind of sense does that make? There's plenty of black men in this world that you could build a life with. You should have children because you want to raise them WITH their father. If all you need is for the kids to be 100% black to be with the white guy, then go to a sperm bank and be with the white guy if that's where you want to be, but don't have kids with your husband just so your children are one race. That would be unfair for your husband and your future children. I'm glad you have decided to put off having kids for a while, because you need to get yourself straightened out before you even think about having kids with ANYONE.

Answer 11

Wow.... Hmm... Crap. That is a very tough one. I guess you could always just keep it the way it is. Do you think you could let go of the lover? Or do you think you could accept what has happened, let go of the "racial" stance and move on with the lover? And I dont remember if you said it or not, but do you still love your husband? If you dont, the only thing I can suggest is there are other afrocentric men who can father your children and talk to your lover about it. Hope this helps.