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People have upset me before,
I don’t want to get hurt anymore.
All the names the punches hut me so,
Now i Just want to go.
I need someone to stick up for me always,
So i don’t have to always pray.
One day they will teach me to defend for myself,
But for now ill Just sing out.

please tell me wot u like and dislike

2007-06-12 08:34:32 · 18 answers · asked by Katja ie tattybow 1 in Arts & Humanities Poetry

18 answers

It`s really hard stuff for someone who doesn`t know anything about poetry.

2007-06-12 08:38:35 · answer #1 · answered by Ariadne on TAURUS 2 · 0 0

Interesting and quite brave.
You make it rhyme to begin with but then drop the rhyme.

It gives the impression you are or have been the target of the bullies, writing about it is a very good thing to do.
Make sure you tell someone as well so you can always be protected.
I would suggest you keep praying as the ability to defend yourself is in there, you show by your use of language that you have strength of character not to let these people beat you, keep working along those lines.

I need someone to stick up for me always,
as I search the seemingly endless pathways.
Each day I learn more how to defend myself,
I will sing for joy as I journey the labyrinth.
Once I walked these paths so lonely,
thinking that it was me only.
But now I know that others too,
are walking along the paths to you.

2007-06-12 11:27:50 · answer #2 · answered by noeusuperstate 6 · 1 1

Well Done Tattybow, i like the strong start with the rhyming couplets - this style has been adopted by many great poets and it can enhance the meaning as the couplet snap together. The style changes into half-rhymes then ending on a two strong single lines. My advice is to keep writing, it can help if you are feeling cross or hurt, my daughter uses a journal/diary and she will write for an hour one night and another not bother. Dislike - not important but practise your spelling or invest in a dictionary. Can not fault your talent or style - Well Done

2007-06-12 10:12:06 · answer #3 · answered by lola_r_hamster 2 · 0 0

I liked the way your poem made me think tattybow. You could do with being a little clearer at times. Some of your messages conflict which shows you are really thinking hard about something but not quite putting it across to others in the way that shows you at your best. You are strong and resilient.I know you can write even better than this. ;-)) Good luck to you.

2007-06-12 08:48:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

It is hard to be young but your life will get better. You do right to express how things have hurt you and then they can be set aside, enabling you to find happiness in other aspects of your life. I wish you joy in the future and hopefully you will write about that joy when it appears. Everyone moves between joy and sadness and the sadness just gives emphasis to the joy. I haven't criticised your poem because I don't regard myself as qualified to be a critic. Stay strong!

2007-06-15 10:04:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

The poem is good. Don't ask others what they think, most of the people on Yahoo don't know what a poem is. I just asked a serious question and got a load of rejects from the Jeremy Kyle show answering. Keep writing.

2007-06-12 08:43:33 · answer #6 · answered by Spiny Norman 7 · 0 0

There are so many poems that i am reading from young girls that are about hurt and abuse and things that make them unhappy. The way i think about it is that you are consentrating on these thoughts and feelings alone. It may be things that you think you have just wrote downand have no conection to them at all but every word we write in poetry comes from the heart. Try writing about the good things in your life. Any thing you want to talk about othe than good things you can always email me and i will try to help. I have been through a lot of **** in my life but to be quiet hinest i wouldnt put it on something that peopel all over the world can see.

2007-06-12 08:42:07 · answer #7 · answered by kianpeaches 2 · 1 0

I love the message it seems your attempting to convey. However, the rhythm is all over the place. So, if I were to do anything with it, work on the rhythm, cause if there's no sense of beat to it, it'll seem like just a message and not conveyed in the way you're attempting to convey it in.

2007-06-12 09:11:50 · answer #8 · answered by gitromboneman 2 · 1 0

tattybow, the expression of your pain, makes me so so sad, i feel angry that life has to be so hard for you and people hurt you, i stored your "bang goes the gun" poem on file because that had such a profound impact on me and this poem is a lot more overt, (open) about the way you feel, in my humble opinion thats what makes this creative expression extraordinary for one so young. keep up your writing, told you before, its a gift, being able to express yourself.
ps. i hear you singing out. God bless you

2007-06-12 09:08:26 · answer #9 · answered by truluv exists! 6 · 0 0

Hi another great poem well done! good for you its hard I no stick in there tell the school asnd good luck!

2007-06-14 22:53:20 · answer #10 · answered by WTamSP 7 · 0 0

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