Been together 1 year 6mo engaged 8months,good until about 3 months ago. I saw some emails that he sent an ex girl after she sent him one" that he might make it out to see the person "she invited him" if some friends headed that way for mardi gras and didn't mention me or the fact that we were engaged. "When asked what was new" I felt like I was being hid. When asked about it he said he was being a nice guy and was never going togo.Then about 2 weeks ago he invited a classmate from college to hangout with us on the lake we got along great, and then later in the day she said to me she really missed out on a chance with him and she should have taken the chance when she had it. I was nice and she kept flirting with him all day, so finally I got very upset and said hateful things to her and made a scene alcohol was involved. He says I am too jealous and not that way when he proposed and if I dont stop then he is postponing the wedding. Ive promised to not be jealous. Am I stupid if I stay?
2007-06-12 08:08:22 · 12 answers · asked by Confused2007 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have a good reason to be jealous. Good idea to postpone the wedding. He's not ready.
2007-06-12 08:13:32 · answer #1 · answered by Schwinn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not specific about what his problems are, and probably on purpose. Chances are he probably did you a big favor by not marrying you with all his problems. Since you say that it was his idea to get married in the first place, perhaps he's thought about it more carefully and has reasoned that marriage was not the answer. I applaude anyone who can be unselfish about a thing like marriage Anger is an unresolved issue. Look, for people who love each other, what comes naturally is that your partner is you. Is your strength, your refuge,your sounding board , your best friend, with whom you can talk about anything,the one he supposed to turn to. I believe he has expressed non confidence in himself to be true or cheat or hurt you physically. So no ultimatetum. I hope yo're not living together, if so start getting your own place and let him work out what is bothering him. He need s professional help, you should suggest it. Because he needs the truth or a new way to look at his problems, he needs a differrent mind set. In the meantime you start taking care of yourself and your future. Start scheduling visits with family to strenghten yourself and new projects to keep you busy. Just see him dont sleep with him, be his friend not easy access (if you know what I mean) this will be ultimatetum enough and he will come to some conclusion. OH ! hes suffering from INJUSTICE AND CIRCUMSTANCES. The only thing you can do about that is have a relationship with the true and living God. God will give him a specific way to look at these things. And he may want to look up the laws so he can be ready the next time injustice rears its ugly head. So what he really is saying is that HOW IM I GOING TO SUPPORT A WIFE AND MAYBE A CHILD WITH NO JOB. TELL HIM THE LOST OF THE JOB IS ONLY TEMPORARY. ENCOURAGE HIM TO TRY AGAIN. ENCOURAGE HIM IN EVERYWAY POSSIBLE. BUT STILL DONT SLEEP WITH HIM. TELL HIM TOGETHER WE CAN DO ANYTHING. THAT YOU WILL HOLD HIM UP.AND YOU EXPECT HIM TO HOLD YOU UP.MAKE A GOAL AND WRITE DOWN THE STEPS TO ACHIEVE IT. HIS CONFIDENCE WILL GROW AS THE STEPS ARE CROSSED OFF. EVERYDAY TELL HIM YOU CAN DO IT. GOOD LUCK.
2016-05-18 02:42:47 · answer #2 · answered by bethany 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, don't stay if he cannot respect your feelings. First off he should have been so excited about marrying the woman he loves for the rest of his life that he should have told the girl in the email that he was engaged and would love for her to meet you because you are so wonderful. Second of all, he should respect you enough that he listens to how you feel and takes it into consideration and then does whatever he can to make you feel more comfortable. If you are jealous, so what, that is your man, and you have a right to be jealous to an extent. And perhaps you wouldn't be jealous if he didn't put you in those situations to begin with where he is writing ex girlfriends and hanging out with them. Sounds to me like marriage is a commitment for grown ups and he is not ready for it. Especially if he is talking about postponing the wedding. Marriage is meant to be a lifetime commitment and you have to be prepared to devote yourself to it, and postponing is a way of saying you are unsure. So DO NOT MARRY SOMEONE THAT IS UNSURE OF YOU! It is a divorce waiting to happen. Relationships and marriages are about respecting the other person's feelings even when you don't agree or understand them. He can't do that.
2007-06-12 08:18:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like you both need to grow up and decide what your priorities are.
Relationships shouldn't have this kind of drama, and there shouldn't be the dynamic of one person "threatening" to leave/postpone/etc.
AND, if you're that insecure about other women, you need to ask yourself why. Who cares if other women think your fiance is great? You should be flattered, so long as you have a solid, stable, committed & nurturing relationship with him. If not, well, why are you getting married?
Take some more time to truly get to know each other, then decide if you want to get married. This is a decision that will effect the rest of your life; it's not to be taken lightly, and in my opinion, if you're asking Yahoo answers whether you should get married to this guy or not, you already have your answer.
2007-06-12 08:18:43 · answer #4 · answered by Courtney 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is look internally for the reasons you feel threatened by his friends - most men will flirt very casually with other woman even if they are in a committed relationship. It's harmless if he's comitted to you & your relationship is strong. Believe me, we as woman overreact. His female friend was paying you a compliment - apologize & make it up to them. Then work on your trust issues. The only time you should be feeling that your fiancee is hding you is if he's doing things & saying things that actually keep you hidden or put you down. Jealousy can kill a great relationship & you need to trust your fiancee or he will leave you & you will not have to worry about staying.
2007-06-12 08:22:13 · answer #5 · answered by martiek7 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
maybe postponing the wedding could be a good thing it would give you guys time to work some stuff out and lay some ground rules because you had every right to get mad about that i would have to. I would have told the whore to back off he got a girl already!
2007-06-12 08:54:31 · answer #6 · answered by nikie_atkinson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not say that you were stupid. What I will say is that he does not respect you enough to introduce you to any of his friends or past ex's. That should send up a major red flag for you. If I am not good enough to introduce, I'm not good enough to marry. I would move on. A man who is engaged and in love would not say he was going to see some other girl just to be nice, he would decline and happily announce that he is engage to a wonderful woman! Think about it! Good Luck to you.
2007-06-12 08:14:11 · answer #7 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is having some serious second thoughts. Better to postpone the marriage now and make sure than to go through with it and find our later that he or you has made a mistake.
2007-06-12 08:13:02 · answer #8 · answered by Rickster 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Put the engagement ring down and walk away. He is not ready to get married and it sound like neither are you. You should trust the person you'll be spending the rest of your life with and it doesn't sound like there's a lot of trust there.
2007-06-12 08:18:28 · answer #9 · answered by brneyedgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep...you are. My dear.....he's fu*king with your head. notice all of his old "pals" are female? Think he may be trying to rub your nose into it? Or...maybe he wants to have you enter into an illict relationship with you, him and a friend? I mean..who knows? Its just that this type of conduct on his part isn't normal.
Forget postponing the wedding. I'm telling you right now...bail out or you're going to be miserable.
2007-06-12 08:21:47 · answer #10 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋