Why am I always looking for someone and cant be content with myself?

Question

I am always looking for that "someone". I have a great life, on paper that is. I am a single dad with a 12 yr old living with me. I am 37, have a very successful career. Great house and all those things, great friends, etc. I am an attractive guy, workout daily, all that. However the second I am out of a relationship, my head is on a swivel looking for the next. I am bored within seconds when I am home by myself. I feel like I amincomplete or missing something all the time. Like i need a girlfriend. Then when I have one, which I do about half the time in the last 4 years, most of the time I am not happy with her and looking around even then. I wish more than anything I could be just content and happy with what I have. I am a bright guy but just cant figure out why I always feel like I am missing something, hate being at home by myself, always looking for a new girlfriend and then usually not being content when I have one. What the heck is wrong with me?

Answer 1

Well, since I don't know you personally, it's difficult to answer your question with any certainty. However, it sounds to me like there is something about yourself that you really don't like, are afraid to face, and are trying to cover up with relationships. OR there may be something about yourself that you feel is lacking, and you are trying to compensate for it by choosing girlfriends who seem to have the quality that you believe you lack. When you do find a girlfriend, and you see that she is not enough to make up for whatever it is that you don't like about yourself, it's then natural to keep looking outside of the relationship for someone who will better fill the emptiness that needs numbing. And because no person on earth can make you happy when you're not happy with yourself, the cycle of relationships just keeps on going.

Does this sound like you at all? If it does, then a good place to start would be to ask yourself what it is that you are trying to use relationships to cover up in your life. Once you answer this question, you can begin to look for healthier ways to deal with this feeling than always seeking out the next relationship. The others are right: If there is something about yourself that you really don't like, a relationship will not take away that pain.

Answer 2

Well you know, the official stance of the Catholic Church is that homosexuality is 'sinful' - or at least 'homosexual acts' are, which is splitting hairs anyway. Therefore my conclusion is that Catholicism at the very least opposes homosexuality and believes that my existence is somehow wrong. The general consensus for denominations of Christianity have similar beliefs, but do vary. Some Mennonite Churches for example are quite progressive, while other are very conservative. Lutheranism is quite accepting of homosexual people and allows them to be ordained, though this policy is under evaluation. Jehovah's Witnesses views homosexuality to be a mental ailment. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints believes that homoerotic thoughts are problem to be overcome, and homosexual sex to be very 'sinful'. The Churches of Christ believes that homosexuality is a 'lifestyle choice' and a significant sin. Christian Reformed Church of North America views homosexuality as a 'sin' derived from the modern world, and should be discouraged. Canadian and American Reformed Churches trust the following passage in the Bible; "If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable.", Leviticus 20:13. Any persons discovered to be homosexual within their communities will be censured. The Southern Baptist Convention states that the only valid lifestyle is "one man, and one woman, for life". Anglicanism is divided. The Church of England expects that homosexual persons within the clergy to remain celibate, but it is acceptable for people outside the clergy to engage in homosexual sex. The Episcopal Church believes that homosexual people are as equal and valid as anyone else, and discourages the use of 'conversion therapy'. They however do believe that sexual relations are only proper within a marriage between a man and a woman. As you can see, most churches are opposed to homosexuality, though a few are more accepting. Another issue to be considered is how observant a religious person is to their faith. Some may be strict, and some may be relaxed. Many some Catholics have told me that they personally believe that the Bible is an antiquated man-made document which should not be accepted as gospel, but regard themselves as Catholic. I don't know the policies on these types of issues. Can one be a part of a religion while rejecting/not accepting certain aspects of it? Of course one cannot say that every Christian person is anti-homosexuality, but from my experiences and research, I conclude that the official stance of most Christian denominations is that homosexuality is either a 'sin' or an ailment.

Answer 3

I have a friend like you. You seek self-worth in another person. You want to be worthy of being loved. From the very tone of your question, it is clear that "to be somebody" is very important to you. That "somebody" also has a significant other. If you were just interested in someone who complimented you, you wouldn't be looking so aggressively, and you would get discouraged after many failures. Instead, by coming to the conclusions that "I am not happy with her", she serves her purpose of making you feel better about yourself, as you can feel you deserve someone "better". Thus the cycle continues.

Answer 4

You might want to focus on "being" the right person rather than finding the right one. There are any number of self improvement gurus out there all with equally valuable things to say. Tony Robbins, Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Louise Hay, Shakti Gwain,
Think about that for a while .

Answer 5

I have felt that way. I have a 15 yo daughter. Several not very good relationships. Finally I decided that I needed to show my child that I am okay by myself. I am going into one full year without dating. I spend more time with my daughter, friends, work, riding my horse. I believe you have to be comfortable with yourself and by yourself before you can satisfy someone in a relationship. That is just my opinion. I could be wrong. (which won't be the first time, lol!)

Answer 6

A new girlfriend isn't what you need to satisfy your soul.

When you can make a higher being part of your everyday life, you will feel a change in your restlessness. Maybe then, if you feel more complete with a partner to share life with, you will be able to find one who you truly love.

Answer 7

Maybe you just have not found your soul mate yet which is why you keep looking....and if you think I am way off base maybe you shouls examine who you feel you are close with...maybe you need to really find out who you are and try not to be who everyone wants you to be....