One Q reminded me I could ask on ur opinions about my dillema...
Should I marry this guy who is not very attractive, but very smart & probably the nicest man I know...? I feel like he's gonna do everything for me... He's shy & never even asked me on a date - I am always asking him (like a friend) 2 go out w/ me... he never refuses... I doubt he'll propose me if I don't do anything 2 encourage him... So I am wondering if I should 'direct' him that way??? I know he'll b very happy & I think I can b a good wife 2 him... but I don't really love him & I feel like I am using him just when I am thinking about this..?
2007-06-12 07:42:48 · 22 answers · asked by mallika 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thank u all very much 4 ur answers... I would never ask such a stupid question if I really wasn't in a dillema... - I am a libra and always takes me time 2 decide on serious issues... ;)
I rated w/ points all those who said I should marry only if I love him... cos I would probably advise everyone the same...
Unfortunatelly, I don't really expect that love shall come my way again - I let it go twice :-(
No, I am not depressed, nor immature - I've seen everything in my 31 years of life, & I do enjoy life a lot...
Maybe I do love him somehow...? We'll c... I'll let u all know what I decided in the next few months.
Thanx again & good luck 2 u all!
2007-06-12 09:08:12 · update #1
The fact that you find him unattractive physically is a red flag. Some say looks don't mean anything when you bond with someone for their character and personality but what happens when you fall into routine? There are always characteristics of a person that sway your favor or opinion of them, and sometimes they seem more overwhelming than the other qualities that you don't favor as much but I can tell you this. It's my opinion that investing your life with a partner who is not very attractive but wonderful in every other way is no better than investing your life with someone that is absolutely gorgeous but everything else you do not want in a relationship. I learned the hard way. In the end, balanced interrest prevails.
2007-06-12 07:49:47 · answer #1 · answered by cruentus23 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So you don't really love him??? Do you know if he loves you??? If he never even has brought up the fact that he's into and wants more than just friendship and you've gone out of your way to make an effort and he hasn't even tried...Well I'd say no don't marry him. If he can't ask you out and tell you how he feels than he can't like you all that much and if you're not in love with him then why should you even be thinking about marrying him? You should want to marry someone you love and loves you back and you should defiantly not marry someone you have to encourage into it. Maybe you should read the book "He's just not that into you", I read it and it's actually really helpful! Good~Luck!!!
2007-06-12 14:51:31 · answer #2 · answered by sries20 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, in order for marriage to work, best, the foundation for that should be love. If you read any of my answers, you'll find that I often say "it takes more than love to make a marriage work" and I truly believe that. It takes commitment, communication, trust, honest and above all respect for one another. But I think that if you have "love" if covers all of those. If you read any of my answers you'll also see that I commonly say things like "the bible says.." because I truly believe that if we follow our marriages based on what God says in his bible, specifically in chapter 7 of 1 Corinthians, that you just can't go wrong. So with that said, the bible says that "now abides hope, faith, charity and love, but the greatest of these is love" - I paraphrased so please, don't anyone IM me telling me I messed up the scripture. The bible also says that "love covers a multitude of sins". So if you love someone, it makes it easier to commit to them, you'll see the importance of commication, you'll want to trust them and you'll be completely honest with them and you will respect them. If we truly "love" the right way - and not that "head over heels, butterfly feeling type of love" then love would be all it takes. But rarely does anyone love "the right way". So to answer your question, if you think you can live in this sort of "arranged" marriage in this day and age, go for it. But I wouldn't advise it. There are way too many temptations today and easy outs, back in the day, women married who their father told them to marry and they didn't have any choices. Women today have choices and in the long run, you'll choose to either divorce this fellow or cheat on him because if you don't love him, you won't be happy. Good luck whatever you decide.
2007-06-12 14:52:39 · answer #3 · answered by Brandy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't think that you love him, and you think you can be a good wife to him...and you don't know if you should marry him.
What does marriage mean to you? If it's finding someone who will take care of you, so you'll never have to worry about anything again, even if you are not in love with him, then yes, marry this poor guy.
You're unreal. Think about someone else for a change.
2007-06-12 14:47:02 · answer #4 · answered by ron-D 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why not?
Woman decide every day to marry or not marry a guy for all sorts of reasons including "he's not a good provider", "He doesn't have much money", and "he'll never make anything out of himself."
Its kind of interesting that love isn't involved in this decision process.
2007-06-12 15:15:58 · answer #5 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have to ask the question then I think you already know the answer. Marry for love or don't marry at all. Your marriage of convience would become very inconvient if Mr. Right comes along after you say 'I Do".
2007-06-12 14:51:58 · answer #6 · answered by Neka 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are kidding, right? Marriage is to entered into with eyes wide open, and a level of maturity I do not feel you have - just from this question. It is hard work to be married, to go into it without love, it is destined to fail and fail miserably.
Find someone who takes your breath away..............
2007-06-12 14:48:59 · answer #7 · answered by sparky 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well...it sounds like you are just at the "friends" stage with him. Don't worry about whether you love him or if you will marry him yet.
If you want to be more than friends with him, then yes, nudge him in that direction and see where it goes.
2007-06-12 14:46:53 · answer #8 · answered by Schwinn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marry for love. Anything else is just asking for trouble
2007-06-12 14:45:43 · answer #9 · answered by wizjp 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree. Marry for Love. Marrying someone who you don't love is just plain selfish. Why do you have to get married now anyways?
2007-06-12 14:48:22 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋